Stingy restaurant behaviour has given me the ick

[HazelSchmazel]

This afternoon, I went on a second date with a guy I met on Tinder. Wasn't too sure after the first date, but I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

We had a nice meal and the bill was in the region of £50. When it was time to pay, I placed £30 (cash) in the middle of the table on the basis of £25 for my share and a £5 tip (our shares of food and drink were pretty much 50/50). He then proffered my £30 to the waiter, together with his credit card and said 'put £20 on my card'. So the poor waiting staff get no tip and my £5 effectively goes into his pocket!!! Uuuurgh - instant ick!

I should have said something, but I just wanted to get the fuck away from the knuckle dragger asap! Plus I was temporarily deaf from the thunderclap of my fanny slamming shut.

Now snuggled up with my cat, a bar of chocolate and am planning a Netflix binge, together with a future life of celibacy. Bliss!

Anyone else with a story of financially induced ick?

Is it really normal not to tip?

Yes.

Well, we still don't earn the same, even in the same jobs. And when we're single mothers, the fathers don't pay a fair amount. Based on that, I don't think women should pay 50%. Maybe one day, when there's no pay gap and no mental load going exclusively to women, but in 2024 I think it's ok for men to pay more.

It is true that, overall, women earn less than men. However, it is not ok for women to automatically expect men to pay for them, or pay more. That is an outdated and damaging attitude. If you can't afford to go out on a date, don't go unless you have clearly said that you can't afford it and the other person is fine with that because they can afford to pay for both.

Zoom x N

Blimey you wouldn't be worth knowing...tight as a duck a.....hole!
Really, you'd go to a restaurant and not tip? When you've had decent service?

I'd be embarrassed to be seen with you.

😕
Don't be so dramatic, Lady Bountiful. 🙄
Tipping in the UK is totally not needed on this day and age, weird how you would tip some people on minimum wage (currently £11.44 I think for 21 and over) but not others when they all provide a valuable service.
It makes no sense.

Plus I was temporarily deaf from the thunderclap of my fanny slamming shut.

😂😂

I worked as a waitress 20 years ago, it's pretty mandatory to tip in the UK at least 10%. I mean maybe 8% of tables don't tip and you know who they are because they are rare, rare and disappointing and they stand out honestly as being the tight arses of your shift.

Yeah he is not worth another date, tight men are a no no always, mean with money mean in every area.

I am sorry to inform you it's the norm, yo are in the 8-10% of tight people that don't tip trying to justify it to yourself Beachparty. It's very much unusual to have a meal and not tip, I tell you from three years of waitressing. Even students know they should tip and generally do. It's just a given we all accept and those conversations about whey we don't tip other people, it's the culture, you go for a meal, someone waits on you, you tip 10% at least of the total bill. If you can afford to drop 25 quid on a meal you can drop another 3 quid on a tip.

I am amazed anyone even questions this in 2024?

...and I did not work in a fancy restaurant, when my experience was over 90% of customers tipped always after their meal, just so the people on here saying it's normal to not tip....it's really a minority who do not tip- you are outliers who refuse to tip.
It's really not the norm to not tip, in my view it's this tight ten percent that does not tip, sorry guys if you are in it dig deeper and help a waitress make a living wage please. You can afford to have a meal out, you can afford to tip, it's really stingy not to.

Who are these tight arse groups who don’t have one single person in them that can’t bear to part with even a fiver? Certainly none of them have ever worked in hospitality.

I’ve worked in several restaurants - and you’re right, the vast majority of people tip. It’s normally the rude, demanding, arrogant people who obviously think they’re superior to lowly waiting staff who don’t.

It's normal to tip and normal not to tip. I'd say 60/40.

I've worked in restaurants and would take a polite table of customers who don't leave the table a complete mess and say their please and thank yous over a tip any day.

So far non-tippers have been called tight, uncivilised, uneducated, and an embarrassment. Only the behaviour of the patrons would leave me with that impression.

You're not automatically morally superior just because you leave a tip.

The service charge should go to the staff, my understanding is it is the tip. I always tip, but not on top of a service charge.

Thank you for a reasoned response! I don’t know many people who carry cash and I hardly ever do, but I do try to take some to a restaurant. I’ve never been to a cafe or restaurant that don’t add extra to a bill on a card though- what they can’t do is a separate transaction for a tip.

Exactly. Who are these women who want a free meal out? How do they expect men to be able to afford every first date they go on? Men could easily pay for dates once a week with old, while women just go out for nothing and men should be grateful?
Pay for yourself on a first date. And if you can’t afford it, go for coffee.

I tip much less than I used to in restaurants. I certainly never tip if there's a service charge already added. Paying with my phone, the usual interaction is for the server to proffer the card machine and for me to tap it - there's no longer the interaction with the keypad where I could previously add a tip. I also very rarely have cash with me.

I agree, tipping is for full table service. Service has to be shit for me not to cough up!

I always ask if I can add some extra, no-one has ever said no! The service charge is a tip, although I might ask if it goes to staff, and if it doesn’t, I don’t pay it.

No.

My 25 yr old son and his mixed sex group of friends all earn around the same, not high earners. They split all bills.
Just because some possibly fictitious waster of a bloke might not pay for his kid in the future, every decent man has to pay for every date with random women, some of whom may be awful anyway?
That’s the most bat shit stupid thing I’ve read for quite a while.

I’ve waited on and off for years, more recently than you, and the vast majority do still tip. And yes, they really do stand out!

I hate to beak it to you, but tipping is 100% expected in the UK. 10-12% for a sit down meal with servers.

Please do not be egged on to message him breaking down how he paid the wrong amount.

That looks quite unhinged if it was an honest misjudgement in the moment.

I know there are sex differences in pay etc but I would have thought 'bullet dodged' if a man did that when I'd got it slightly wrong over paying halves.
Fair enough if I'd deliberately stung him with the whole bill but that's not what happened.

Plus you don't come across well if you can't even speak up at the time and say 'actually the extra five is for a tip' so let's do halves

See him again or don't but don't make a fool of yourself because of the thread.

I know we are all having a giggle about it, but this is from someone who sat and watched a male friend get ghosted.
Please , please be better than him.

Just send. This.
Thank you for the date the other night, but I have decided we do not suit. Good luck in the future. OP.