Stingy restaurant behaviour has given me the ick

[HazelSchmazel]

This afternoon, I went on a second date with a guy I met on Tinder. Wasn't too sure after the first date, but I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

We had a nice meal and the bill was in the region of £50. When it was time to pay, I placed £30 (cash) in the middle of the table on the basis of £25 for my share and a £5 tip (our shares of food and drink were pretty much 50/50). He then proffered my £30 to the waiter, together with his credit card and said 'put £20 on my card'. So the poor waiting staff get no tip and my £5 effectively goes into his pocket!!! Uuuurgh - instant ick!

I should have said something, but I just wanted to get the fuck away from the knuckle dragger asap! Plus I was temporarily deaf from the thunderclap of my fanny slamming shut.

Now snuggled up with my cat, a bar of chocolate and am planning a Netflix binge, together with a future life of celibacy. Bliss!

Anyone else with a story of financially induced ick?

Did you point out to him that you'd intended that as a tip? If so, what did he say?

Well to actually go back to the point of the OP - I had a first date last year which wasn’t great from the start.
I had a wine spritzer and he had a Diet Coke then we both had a coffee. When the bill came up the server stood with the card machine and asked how we were splitting the bill. The date just sat mute stating out the window ignoring him so I got my card out and paid the whole bill and he still never said a word not even thank you.

I couldn’t get out of their quick enough it was worth £20 to escape - later that evening he actually sent me a message saying what a great date it was and asked if he was what I’m looking for. WTAF??? I replied with one word ‘no’ and he replied he was surprised as he thought it went well.

I would love to know what his idea of a bad date looked like

I disagree, the time was at the table. That wording comes over quite petty

Yes, we have established that there is a lot of variation in terms of tipping- it’s usual to some people and unusual to others in fairly equal numbers.

It would be interesting (but irrelevant to this thread!) to discover what lines the division of opinion is drawn on.

Cash is relevant- I don’t carry it, and not everywhere has the option on their card machine to add a tip- I’m not unusual in not carrying cash (or generally even a debit card since I don’t have one). These circumstances render tipping impractical and therefore less likely.

For example the only service I regularly tip for is my nails, because they prefer cash so if the price £36 or whatever, I hand over £40 and say keep the change. If someone offers me a card machine with £36 on the screen I just beep it and go.

Send him a link to this thread and then block him!

Pls reply and let us know! You don’t have to be quite so cutting as PP’s suggested reply, but you can definitely let him know why you don’t want to see him again.

Why do people always say this on here? And does anyone ever do this in real life? Send a link to someone, (to a certain thread,) to show them how wrong they are because all the ladies on Mumsnet think they're wrong?! 😂

Think I dated that person too! Had very short arms and deep pockets...
Definitely a lucky escape before wasting too much time and money on them, @HazelSchmazel !

First date. We agreed to go visit a castle museum that I had always wanted to go to. I drove to his city, paid for parking, while he walked (fair enough). He suggested we start by going for a coffee - somehow I bought the coffees, and he simply said thank you (not "I'll get the next one" or anything). He then somehow changed our plans to: going to the free museum not the castle "because he had been to the castle before". Not what we agreed or what I wanted but I went with it. Then we went for lunch, with two rounds of drinks. Bill was £35ish. He chucked me a fiver and said he hoped that was okay because he was skint until payday and didn't want to use his overdraft.

His profile pics were several millenia out of date and he was 5ft 7 not the 5'10 advertised.

He was also surprised when I declined a second date.

This guy is on a dating site - it would be great for him to learn what the ladies of MN think of him!

Agree

I'd have to say something to him about how mean he was

I don't agree.

It's 2024. We earn our own money now. If we want equality, we have to stop asking for equality but oh yes please also treat us like objects to be purchased or princesses who can't pay for their own meal.

Not to mention changing the views of men who think buying a meal means they've paid for sex. Now that is icky.

Rude prick

I never tip anymore it's too expensive to eat out!

PP disputing whether people should tip or not as a moral conundrum are missing the point.
This fella took her money that was meant to be the tip and kept it. He could have just paid his share and not tipped, but he decided not only to fail to tip but also to take the money for himself! That isn't someone being poor, that's someone being a dickhead.

Oh there are definitely people who never tip. They are just the very small minority. I mean there are many who don't give as much as 10%, just round up or leave a couple of quid. But the vast majority tip. If you don't tip, fair enough, I get why you don't, but the idea that it's not standard in the UK is not the case.

The guy is a chancer...I caught my ex pocketing the cash tip I'd left on the table after I'd walked away...I should have run then and there. His parents would also never ever leave a tip. It's a certain type of person. And funnily enough none of them were anywhere near minimum wage or zero hour contracts. Plenty cash, just mean.

It isn’t normal to tip in food places in the uk in my experience, or in the experience of many other posters on the thread.

@Theoldlife it isn't "many" other posters at all - it's just you and oft repeating @S0livagant who are the tight arses.

It IS normal to tip in a decent restaurant.

Many years ago I went on a date with a guy who booked a table for us at what he described as an upmarket restaurant. It turned out to be an all you can eat buffet in a run down Chinese restaurant. Brightly lit, noisy with a school canteen energy and odd smell to complete the picture.

The buffet was a fixed price of £12 including a soft drink. My date ordered a beer so when the bill came it was £26 as his beer cost an additional £2. He was outraged and made a huge fuss that still makes me cringe to do this day when I remember it. He accused the waiter of ‘false advertising’ as the restaurant didn’t make it clear alcohol cost more money and refused to pay the extra £2 (we were splitting the bill so the total he had to pay was £14..). In the end I paid the whole bill as I was so embarrassed at the stand-off. He put his card back in his wallet without acknowledging I’d paid and started ranting about the Chinese “always ripping people off”. Ordinarily I would have just left at that point but the restaurant was in the middle of nowhere and he’d driven us there.

He then demanded a doggy bag to take away the remains of the buffet that were still on his plate, took the food I had leftover on my plate and went to load up his plate with more rice when the waiter’s back was turned.

He sent me a note the next day saying he’d had a lovely time and I swiftly blocked him.

I was a waitress for many years. These days I tip most of the time but not in places where you are expected to place and collect your own order, or if the service is rubbish. Good service and someone actually looking after you, happy to tip generously.

In my experience, someone who is tight with money is tight with everything. Time, attention, affection etc. Looks like you dodged a bullet.

Absolutely and especially when it’s online dating as it’s not an old school being asked out it’s two adults mutually agreeing to meet for a couple of drinks etc. I would be embarrassed to sit there waiting for someone who’s bought me the first drink to go up the bar and buy me another one. The fact in 2024 there’s women who think being female means a virtual stranger should pay for their food and drink makes me cringe.

OP his behaviour was vile imho.
Tipping in the UK is a weird one, I tip if I get adequate service.

If I get ignored for too long or something else is off then I don’t tip.

I usually round up from 10%, but that’s when paying for a meal for several people (e.g. last meal I went to the tip was £20). If just paying £25 for myself I would do as you did and round up a fiver.

One tipping thing that really made me angry though was when a takeaway from a PizzaHut had the audacity to ask for a tip up-front before they had even taken my order! I won’t be going back of course, tipping is a reward for good service, an extra here in the UK.

No further date. But, what strikes me as odd is reading through all the replies on the thread. So many " I'm old-fashioned and want to be spoilt/not pay for dinner if I go out with a man. I also want the man to tip generously, but I don't want to pay for any of it, he should or he'll give me ick"
(Obviously not the OP as she paid for her own 50% plus tip)
The whole case of men paying for women goes back to when women had no money of their own, little authority and they were also expected to take care of the whole household and not bother the man. Rape in marriage was legal etc etc similar "old - fashioned" ideas. Paying 50/50 makes it fair and more equal. Good start to a 50/50 relationship I'd say.

It would annoy me if my date had used my money to pay for his part for the dinner.
See the annoyance it causes people if you don't.

I think it is expected in the UK, having lived here all my life!

'Plus I was temporarily deaf from the thunderclap of my fanny slamming shut.'
Lol!!!!!

Is it really normal not to tip? I’d have thought even a miser would try to look generous on a date, if he hoped to get another date!

So in fact, a good thing he showed his true self early on. Lucky escape, OP!

This. FFS, women, stop it!