Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Stingy restaurant behaviour has given me the ick

651 replies

HazelSchmazel · 04/08/2024 17:43

This afternoon, I went on a second date with a guy I met on Tinder. Wasn't too sure after the first date, but I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

We had a nice meal and the bill was in the region of £50. When it was time to pay, I placed £30 (cash) in the middle of the table on the basis of £25 for my share and a £5 tip (our shares of food and drink were pretty much 50/50). He then proffered my £30 to the waiter, together with his credit card and said 'put £20 on my card'. So the poor waiting staff get no tip and my £5 effectively goes into his pocket!!! Uuuurgh - instant ick!

I should have said something, but I just wanted to get the fuck away from the knuckle dragger asap! Plus I was temporarily deaf from the thunderclap of my fanny slamming shut.

Now snuggled up with my cat, a bar of chocolate and am planning a Netflix binge, together with a future life of celibacy. Bliss!

Anyone else with a story of financially induced ick?

OP posts:
IvanaFooq · 04/08/2024 21:57

conniptions

Well even at my age, I have never heard that word!!! Genuine thanks for the education.

WearyAuldWumman · 04/08/2024 21:57

S0livagant · 04/08/2024 17:47

Are you in the UK? He might not have known you wanted to tip, it's not expected. He may have planned to buy you a drink on the next date to even it up.

Edited

Most people in the UK tip, surely? I'm 64 and can't ever remember not tipping at a restaurant.

IvanaFooq · 04/08/2024 21:58

HazelSchmazel · 04/08/2024 21:49

Not yet - still dithering!!!

Show quote history

Making him sweat!

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 04/08/2024 21:58

ApplesOrangesBananas · 04/08/2024 18:33

I went on a date with a man who picked a very expensive restaurant, wouldn’t let me order he decided he would order for me and choose a very expensive wine. I told him I wasn’t eating much a starter would be fine for me as I had taken clients out for a big late lunch.

Anyway mountains of food left over… most the bottle of wine and when the bill came he asked me to split it. I was shocked because I hadn’t ordered any of the food nor eaten it. I paid half and then we went to bar (I was waiting for friends but should have just left him at the restaurant in hindsight) and we both ordered a drink. He said again shall we split it and I said no, I paid the tab in full myself and left him and the drinks.

It was the biggest turn off. He text me the next day to ask if I wanted to go to the theatre with him and I replied “so you can choose a show I don’t want to see and I’ll pay for it? No thanks.”

LOVE your comeback!

theteddybear · 04/08/2024 21:58

No he's a stingy git. It is the biggest turn off isn't it!

If you hadn't said it was ur share plus tip then how did he know u weren't actually waiting for the £5 change! This would have really pissed me off, I don't think I'd have been able to say nothing but maybe I'd just have wanted to run too.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 04/08/2024 22:02

Theoldlife · 04/08/2024 19:03

No it isn’t- I eat out with loads of different people in different places and very very few tip, it’s more usual not to tip. Add to which hardly anyone carries cash anymore.

A lot of people are earning the same as waiting staff and not being tipped, so they don’t feel the need to tip- it’s odd to tip someone who is making the same as you is the thinking.

Show quote history

Almost everyone I know tips.Cash has nothing to do with it.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 04/08/2024 22:04

Pinkypinkyplonk · 04/08/2024 19:08

Where’s chivalry gone?? I have an 18 year old son, he honestly for 80% dates he takes his girlfriend on.

Well he shouldn’t. She should cough up.

GoldenLegend · 04/08/2024 22:06

S0livagant · 04/08/2024 17:52

He wasn't to know she just didn't have £25 exactly on her so put in £30. Could've easily planned to buy her a drink next time or otherwise make it fair. It's just as normal not to tip.

Show quote history

He should at least have offered her £5 back.

Onelifeonly · 04/08/2024 22:12

In my experience, tipping in restaurants has become less of a thing in recent years, since most now charge a 'service charge' which is added to the bill. It is not compulsory to pay it but seems churlish not to unless there were issues with the service. It's been a few years since my friends and I added cash for the server as a tip because of this. (I never added a tip to the card as you don't know if the server will get it).

You can be tipped in other jobs. My dd works at a hospitality venue where she serves snacks and drinks at a till. It's not uncommon for her to get a tip.

shuggles · 04/08/2024 22:15

@Pinkypinkyplonk Where’s chivalry gone?? I have an 18 year old son, he honestly for 80% dates he takes his girlfriend on.

Men should have more self-respect and not pay for all dates. Dates should be 50:50.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 04/08/2024 22:20

ttcat37 · 04/08/2024 20:22

It is customary to tip. The fact that you are not well versed in this practice is not the staff’s issue. Their salary or wages will be set with consideration of the fact that they will get tips. It isn’t like the USA where people are reliant on tips.

Show quote history

If people don’t want to tip it’s up to them, but I wish they’d stop pretending it isn’t customary or none of their friends tip. They are all still tight. And not that they care, but not liked by restaurant staff.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 04/08/2024 22:24

IvanaFooq · 04/08/2024 20:51

Any man worth his salt would be paying in full.

Any woman worth her salt wouldn’t want him to.

ttcat37 · 04/08/2024 22:37

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 04/08/2024 22:20

If people don’t want to tip it’s up to them, but I wish they’d stop pretending it isn’t customary or none of their friends tip. They are all still tight. And not that they care, but not liked by restaurant staff.

Show quote history

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t tip. Some of my friends earn a lot and some very little but they all tip unless service was terrible.
I know what you mean by not liked by restaurant staff. There were sometimes signs though- rude demanding people were prime candidates for not tipping.

BeachBae · 04/08/2024 22:37

S0livagant · 04/08/2024 17:53

I don't see it as awful to pay the agreed price for a service.

Show quote history

Especially when they add service charges anyway.

Blinky21 · 04/08/2024 22:41

Not tipping is a no for me, unless service was really bad.

Zanatdy · 04/08/2024 22:41

S0livagant · 04/08/2024 17:47

Are you in the UK? He might not have known you wanted to tip, it's not expected. He may have planned to buy you a drink on the next date to even it up.

Edited

Tipping in a U.K. restaurant is very normal, and most places tends to include service charge as standard so you need to check before adding on a tip. I always tip in a restaurant and have my whole life; as do everyone I attend a restaurant with. It’s very normal. This guy though was still pocketing OP’s fiver, did he think she was paying a fiver towards him meal then?

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 04/08/2024 22:44

ttcat37 · 04/08/2024 22:37

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t tip. Some of my friends earn a lot and some very little but they all tip unless service was terrible.
I know what you mean by not liked by restaurant staff. There were sometimes signs though- rude demanding people were prime candidates for not tipping.

Show quote history

God yes, you’re right about the rude ones. You can spot them here 😆
If you can afford to eat out, you can spare a few quid.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 04/08/2024 22:45

BeachBae · 04/08/2024 22:37

Especially when they add service charges anyway.

Show quote history

The service charge is the tip, but it’s optional.

IvanaFooq · 04/08/2024 22:47

The only tip that should be discussed here is the OP's date's, and its going nowhere.

yousexybugger · 04/08/2024 22:47

I wouldn't find this attractive but just to offer some balance maybe he assumed service was included so just settled up and didn't overthink for the sake of a fiver?

Even so yeah it was tight, I get it, but if you liked him and he was polite to the waiter I would maybe call it a last chance. I get it's hardly sweeping you off your feet and has change purse vibes but there will be an influx of joining in the 'eww icky!!' chorus when actually it could have been a fumble in the moment rather than a habit.

My DP is lovely but crap at getting tips right when he's paying (different culture plus always forgets to check if service is included). I can imagine this happening on a date. We did rounds then went halves on early dates but he's been extremely generous in other ways since.

If he was rude to staff that's a deal-breaker no question.

How much did you actually like him except for this and would you have seen him again otherwise? Was there a spark? If so, have a think, no offence to the others but don't be swayed by this thread. If not, turn him down with a quick text. Costs nothing (he'd approve) and I don't think you need to leave him hanging over a fiver. He wasn't rude.

Zanatdy · 04/08/2024 22:49

Why don’t you reply OP and just say ‘I’m not sure if you realised the £30 I left on table was £25 for my meal and a fiver tip, not a fiver towards your dinner’, and see what his come back is. Before you block him, make him aware of his shitty behaviour

BettyBardMacDonald · 04/08/2024 22:52

Zanatdy · 04/08/2024 22:49

Why don’t you reply OP and just say ‘I’m not sure if you realised the £30 I left on table was £25 for my meal and a fiver tip, not a fiver towards your dinner’, and see what his come back is. Before you block him, make him aware of his shitty behaviour

Good phrasing.

IvanaFooq · 04/08/2024 22:55

Zanatdy · 04/08/2024 22:49

Why don’t you reply OP and just say ‘I’m not sure if you realised the £30 I left on table was £25 for my meal and a fiver tip, not a fiver towards your dinner’, and see what his come back is. Before you block him, make him aware of his shitty behaviour

He would piss himself laughing that OP was so touchy over a fiver. If shes not interested in him which she wasnt anyway then theres no point being so incredibly petty about it. Ghosting is wonderful. He'll forever wonder where he went wrong but he had already lost long before the tip issue, it was merely a good excuse for a funny thread but everyone has taken it so seriously.

I'm sorry John but you split the bill 60/40 and I just can't be with a man like that.

5128gap · 04/08/2024 23:03

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 04/08/2024 18:44

Why wouldn’t he just pay his share then and let her collect her change?? He didn’t know there would be a next time so it’s very presumptuous even if he didn’t realise she was tipping.

OP this would have sent me running for the hills too!

Show quote history

Exactly. He should have told the waitress to take half on his card if he didn't intend to tip. She would then have taken OPs £30 to the till for the balance, and brought her back £5, which the OP could leave as tip if she wanted to. The guy went out of his way to ensure he could underpay as his payment was processed before OPs was made. For all he knew OP may have wanted her change.

Terea · 04/08/2024 23:07

Mine did exactly the same as yours, and then compounded the insult by asking for the receipt so he could claim it on expenses. Yuck.