OLD - why do so many men want someone who doesn't take themselves seriously?

[NameChanged100thTime]

I see this mentioned in so many profiles, what does it even mean?

I see it as you’re not allowed to question them on anything at all

I take it they don't want someone who knows what they want, they want someone who's willing to sleep with them without all the serious stuff.
Most of the time it all boils down to sex with men on the dating sites, how they can get it with the least amount of effort...

I think they mean “I don’t want someone who holds themselves to a high standard in case they then hold me to high standards of behaviour too”.
Or “I know I’m a bit shit but I resent having that pointed out to me and even if you don’t actually point it out, if you’re just obviously an ambitious person who means what they say then I’ll feel shit about myself alongside you”.
or “I need to feel like I’m in charge even though I’m a bit mediocre so please be a bit mediocre too”

I think it depends as for me, as a woman, it is one of my non negotiables that a man doesn't take himself too seriously. I am pretty relaxed and I had an ex that took himself and life sooo seriously and never again! Someone who can laugh at themselves etc is very important to me. I know what all the PPs mean and that can absolutely be the case but for me I'd like to think I have high standards for what I would expect from a man but am also relaxed as a person.

I've often wondered the same thing!! I have no idea what it means - but I swipe left because I think it makes them sound like a twat.

I want someone who doesn't take themselves seriously because I certainly won't be taking them seriously.

Possibly.

I think it means that they're not looking for conversation, just a bit of fun. I also assume they might be unintelligent but perhaps that's an unfair assumption.

Because they don't want anyone who respects themselves enough to say no to anything.
They don't want to be held accountable for their own shit behaviour.

They don't want a woman with any self respect because you know.. that means they may have to behave.

First three responses nailed it.

I'm not saying they are all like this, but when women say 'I want a guy who doesn't take himself too seriously' they normally mean someone who doesn't get wound up over the little things, who will poke fun at themselves, will apologise, don't have an ego or weird heavy masculinity hang ups.
When men say it they mean 'don't call me on my bullshit, ever, just be a Cool Girl'

I think they are saying they are up for a shag, but if they don’t want to take it any further they will reserve the right to not contact you, without the worry of having a “crazy ex”. They want a get-out clause imo.

Women are less able to take a joke in my experience

At face value I would say they are not looking for someone utterly joyless who thinks "fun" is basically a waste of time, constantly looking to improve themselves and won't ever consider messing up their hair or doing something slightly out if their comfort zone in case they look silly.

But maybe I am too naive about men 😁

Perhaps they are hankering after a woman who arrives for a date with a water pistol and a whoopee cushion secreted about her person ...

I suppose, on occasion, all the above might be true.

I’m hoping someone will post here to say they’ve asked one of these men to elaborate and what they said.

My bet would be the either don’t explain but if they do they seldom refer to joyless women constantly looking for self improvement or similar

Men are more likely to make ill-judged 'jokes' in the name of banter in my experience.

They’re on par with the ones who ‘no drama’ - they don’t want any woman who pulls them up on their wanky behaviour and BS and just flutters her pretty little eyelashes and giggle when they act like 21 year old fuckboys despite approaching pension age.

Proves my point

Depends if that ‘joke’ is a veiled dig dressed up as ‘bantz innit’

I find women’s humour has usually evolved from age of 11 - can’t say the same about a lot of men.

I suspect that their wife /girlfriend /ex repeatedly told him to grow up.

I see it as a sign that you’re supposed to accept immature behaviour, not nag and allow him to be with other women because you’re not serious and want monogamy.

I think it means "someone who won't call me out on my bullshit, has no expectations of me and will just put up and shut up because she has low self esteem and low standards".

It could mean not pompous, arrogant and/or no sense of humour but if so why not just say so?

I agree with the poster so said this is likely in the same league as "no drama" comments. Basically let me do what I want and have what I want but keep your trap shut if you feel differently.

I dated a guy who had that on his profile. It turned out that it meant he wanted someone who wouldn't realise how emotionally immature and stunted developmentally he was as a middle aged man.

Yep. I remember one whose idea of hilarity was to continually comment on me being an Essex girl so obviously I’m thick, promiscuous, vain, shallow - and this was before we even met!

But me telling him it’s quite rude to address someone like that was me having no SOH because ‘it’s banter lighten up’

Blocked

I think people mean to say that they're easy going and fun loving. It seems to be the standard phrase to put on there. Interesting to see how many different interpretations there are.

When l was online dating l would cringe if l saw that on a man's profile. To me it meant they just wanted to date someone 'pink and fluffy' and to have no expectations placed on them at all.

This is exactly what I would take it as. People who take themselves sooo seriously can be hard work and suck the joy out of life. They can't laugh at themselves and are highly strung.

I presume this is what they mean. I would never interpret it as something negative the way these replies have.