OLD - why do so many men want someone who doesn't take themselves seriously?

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I see this mentioned in so many profiles, what does it even mean?

I wish my partner didn't take himself so seriously. Everything is a drama and a fuss and heavy weather.

Quite.

My boyfriend is the highly strung type. Can't laugh at himself etc.

It's so trying

Thats interesting. I have that expression on my profile. For me it means someone who doesn't have an ego, can laugh at himself and isn't intense or arrogant

Haha I used to hate this! I had "takes things seriously" on my dating profile back in the day to weed out those basic boys...

Some one who is easy going , shrugs things off and is upbeat and smiling

I think most of these posts show exactly what it means...

They haven't thought it through that deeply. Most of them don't mean "Don't take me too seriously" or "Don't have any self respect" (which is what most of these posts suggest).

Most men mean if we go for a walk in the rain, I want a woman who can lose a welly in the mud and laugh about it rather than cry; someone who can go to a last minute gig on a Friday night without worrying too much about what she's going to wear; someone who isn't always worrying what the neighbours will think. Someone who knows how to let their hair down and have fun and isn't bothered whether the skirting boards have been wiped or not before people visit. Someone who isn't going to start a post on MN out of mortification if they accidentally fart in front of them (I have read more than one thread along those lines). It can also mean they don't want someone who is constantly checking their weight or worrying about appearances, getting botox done or saying they can't go camping next weekend because they're getting their nails done. someone more natural and easy going who they can have fun with.

Now I know some of the above are stereotypes of women. But no more than the majority of responses so far are stereotypes of men.

This is exactly what I interpret this as meaning. And how I would
describe myself. I have high standards, well educated and work in a serious profession but I also don’t take myself too seriously (i.e. I like to laugh, have fun, banter and I’m an easy going, positive, bubbly person). And I would use that phrase about myself and it would be a quality I look for in someone I would date. I suspect that where the pps that have had negative experiences with men using this phrase, there may have been other “red flags” as well.

Well meaning sorts probably intend it as 'easy going, can see the funny side of life, able to laugh at self'. I think a lot of online daters probably means it more as 'not expecting me to take their needs or feelings seriously '.

I get the sentiment at face value. Who wants someone who can't take little things in their stride? But there's something quite negative about listing it. There are things women have had to work really hard at being taken seriously for compared to men, even in recent years

It also seems a bit lacking in insight and used to put me off. If meant in the former way I think there are better ways to express that.

I'd say it's a step or two down from 'no drama' but says something similar about the person writing it

Gah don't know why I'm doing the separate posts!

That is to say, they have had more than one occasion in the past in which they have come up against opprobrium and not really examined their role in it

I think it means they don't want to have to provide any mental or emotional support.

Some men really don’t have a well-developed sense of humour though; they’ll say daft things and then pretend it was a joke. Like that Olympic commentator the other day who said something about the women’s swim team not being ready because they were doing their make up or faffing or something. Men like that say ‘Oh it was a joke, can’t you take a joke?’ I didn’t find his comment wildly offensive but nor did it make me laugh at all because it’s the sort of ‘joke’ someone would have made about 40 years ago, and even then it wasn’t funny. I like clever/original humour and a lot of women do I think.

They want doormats who will put up with their crap. I take myself very seriously which is why I have not ended up with one of these princes.

Humour isn’t something you can make an objective judgement on. I think men are funnier, and (in most cases) more able to laugh at themselves. That’s my opinion, which will be toxic on here as women have to be better than men at everything otherwise you have an internalised misogyny problem. But it’s my opinion and I’m entitled to it.

I'm not a native speaker, so it could be that. All of the things you mention as examples of someone taking themselves too seriously to me just seem annoying/ridiculous or daft behaviour. I'm a single mum with a big job and lots of responsibility, so I absolutely take myself and my achievements seriously. However, I'm also easygoing, happy to see how things go in a relationship and have lots of fun with male and female friends and family. And I've even had quite a good time with online dating. I've avoided men who mentioned they don't want drama or someone who takes themselves too seriously so far, perhaps that's why 😂

This.

It means they don’t want to date anyone who will hold them accountable for their behaviour.

I understand it to mean they don't want a fun sponge.

Remember the sour-faced actors not laughing at Ricky Gervais' jokes about them at the Golden Globes? I presume that's the kind of thing it means. That you can't laugh at yourself. That you make people walk on eggshells for fear of offending.
So many people saying it means something else though, popular opinion changes the meaning of language, so maybe the men actually DO mean the first few responses on here.

It's code for 'has low standards'.

I thought that's what 'No drama and no one high maintenance ' means.

They don't want a woman who will make any demands of them

You’re entitled to your opinion, of course! I don’t agree with it and that’s fine too. Some of the funniest people I know are women. But you’re right that it’s objective. My objective opinion is that male humour can often be too obvious.

That's how I would read it too. I would see it as a positive but I would never take profile descriptions as being that accurate or honest.

This thread is eye opening. It never occurred to me that some people had that interpretation of the phrase and would actively avoid people who use it.

I would consider myself to have pretty high standards of myself and others. But I would definitely say I don't take myself too seriously and I'm very put off people who do. It's accompanied by a rather large, often rather fragile ego in my experience.

Because you are meant to toe the line they set and not ask anything "heavy" like can you be exclusive/do they have debt/do they have a wife etc etc.