OLD - why do so many men want someone who doesn't take themselves seriously?

[NameChanged100thTime]

I see this mentioned in so many profiles, what does it even mean?

They want to be able to get away with negging you and insulting, insensitive behaviour under the guise of 'taking the piss' and 'humour'. Someone without much self-respect and who won't assert themselves much.

Be prepared to be called 'high maintenance' and further down the line, 'crazy'.

I think it's largely seen as a positive in our culture?

I also read 'I don't take myself too seriously' on people's profiles a lot as though it was a positive.

Fair enough, many people like to have a bit of a laugh, don't want to seem too focused, up themselves, proud etc.

However I wouldn't be interested in someone like that, I want someone that takes themselves pretty damn seriously, has goals, values, serious opinions, a work ethic etc. Not someone that wants to piss about with his mates down the pub in his spare time.

If you're a serious, focused person, especially if you are more about hard work and less about fun (uncensored decription of myself, ha), then probably just swipe left on these people and job done.

It could just mean they want someone to have a laugh with and enjoy life. There are a lot of negative responses on here!

I definitely dated a couple of blokes who were very full of themselves, opinionated and serious about where they were headed in life and seemed to lack humour. That’s my idea of someone taking themselves too seriously.

Wherearemymarbles · Yesterday 16:59
Yep another here who uses the term to mean someone easy going, can be teased, laugh at themselves if they do something silly, not get wound up by others comments and generally be good company.
people who take themselves terribly seriously I see as highly strung neurotic types, take offence easily and just be generally very prickly characters who are no fun at all.
it has nothing to do with boundaries or a soft touch.
This thread jusy shows how we all interpret this differently. If I was doing old its certainly I phrase I might have used.

Look again at the bits highlighted, Wherearemymarbles.

You are saying 'don't get wound up by others comments' - well you wouldn't if they were normal, or pleasant - but the fact that you are saying 'don't get wound up', means that they are not. They are going to be either rude, sexist, racist, hurtful or nasty. All hiden under the guise of 'banter' or 'having a laugh'.

Not accepting this does not make you 'terribly serious, prickly, highly strung or neurotic'. It does not mean that you are 'no fun at all'. It means that you value yourself. It has everything to do with 'boundaries and not being a soft touch'.
Dates are meant to be fun, listening to some arse putting you down all evening isn't fun.

In other words Docile.

Is it someone who isn't into Botox and fake tan?

Not easily offended.

Yeah this is basically what’s it code for. Normally I’d have said it just means easygoing or good sense of humour but that’s not how it’s used by men OLD. Happy to say none of the men who swiped on me when I used apps had this on their profile. I wouldn’t match with anyone who did. Men like this are usually time wasters, and disrespectful to boot. I know this from having seen it come up a lot on other dating threads.

This exactly, I’m sure some men don’t mean in that way but the risk of it turning out that they want some women to neg and gaslight is too high, so if I saw that on a profile I’d run away

Just had one of these message me - basically taking the piss out of several of my interests then telling me (without me even replying) ‘as u can tell girl I’m a right joker lol’

Id rather take myself seriously than engage with that sort of muppet