OLD - why do so many men want someone who doesn't take themselves seriously?

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I see this mentioned in so many profiles, what does it even mean?

All of this.

Because they want a happy-go-lucky sex toy who isn't bothered about anything as inconvenient as a committed relationship, that's why.

Agree it means ‘no high standards’ or ‘overly driven women’ because they don’t want to be held to high standards. For them it’s nagging I expect. I’d never go on a date with someone who said this on a dating profile.. I’d expect them to be messy, sloppy and too man child like for my liking!!! No thanks. It also would make me think (especially if middle aged with kids etc already) that they were a useless partner to their last girlfriend/wife and now want someone who will just have sex with them and wouldn’t say boo to a goose.

I take it to mean that if life was like the Good Life comedy, they would want the felicity Kendal character and not the Penelope Keith one.

Out of about 15 profiles I've looked at today more than half indicated they wouldn't consider someone who 'takes themselves too seriously'. I don't want to believe that these guys all have low standards. Some of them must have written it without realising the negative connotations it has for many women (based on response here not all, but quite a few of you). I'll open my mind and chat to a few of these guys rather than instantly discount them, let's see what happens 😀

I would like a partner who doesn’t take themselves too seriously.

For me, this means someone fun and not too uptight.

I don’t want someone who is constantly trying to keep up with the current trends and needing designer clothes or fancy cars etc.

I don’t want someone who’s going to get moody because they’re stuck in traffic, the day hasn’t gone to plan, their hair isn’t perfect or the neighbours seem to be more financially successful.

I find it quite hard to explain and never thought about it tbh.
Perhaps I should try and re-word it if I decide to give OLD a go again.

😅👏

That's exactly it.

They're not saying, don't take yourself seriously because I certainly won't.

They're saying, don't take yourself TOO seriously; don't sweat the small stuff.

There is a huge difference in meaning with the inciusion of that little word 'too'.

From a man's perspective...

I can't speak for all men but I think it means you want a relationship experience which feels light and easy with someone who rolls with the punches and takes the rough with the smooth. It doesn't mean that you want to be any less respectful or committed or treat someone like they’re disposable.

For example; you go to the coast for a few days. You’re walking along the seafront. It’s windy and the sea is rough. The spray from the waves hitting the rocks is blowing in your face. Is she invigorated by the visceral and sensual experience of the cold spray against her cheeks or does the complain that it’s cold and damp? A large wave hits the rocks and you’re both showered with spray. Does she have a meltdown because her hair will now dry frizzy and she wasn’t planning on washing it tonight but now she’ll have to which means you’ll have to cancel the restaurant you had booked for dinner as there won’t be time for a meal out when it takes two hours to wash and dry her hair… or does she giggle and kiss you as the water rolls down your faces and crack a joke that her hair will be messy in the restaurant and fellow customers will think we couldn’t help ourselves just before we left our hotel?

That’s how I see it. It’s not about not wanting to commit to someone, it’s about not wanting to commit to someone who makes hard work of everything.

That's exactly what it's always meant by both men and women.

Some of these replies are bonkers!

All of this, exactly. It’s certainly what I mean when I say that I like people who don’t take themselves too seriously.

Another example for me might be people who like to talk about earnest journeys of self-discovery or spiritualism that they’re on- just all a bit too heavy and serious for me. I don’t mind discussing serious topics but there needs to be plenty of lightness and humour in my friendships and relationships.

It’s been so interesting to see from this thread that many posters think it means something different. Is there a key difference between what men mean and what women mean when they say it? I’m certainly not disputing what those posters are saying- I have never done OLD (and have not dated at all for 25 years) so have no experience of OLD and not much experience of men in a romantic sense at all, other than my husband 😂

Haven't RTFT but think it usually means they want to be free to make pisstaking "jokes" / "banter" at your expense, possibly make occasional unpleasant or racist/misogynistic comments, prioritise computer games before you, cancel plans for last minute pissups with friends, all without you so much as rolling your eyes (let alone actually objecting) lest you be accused of being a buzzkill

I always think that they mean for example that they can make so-called witty comments about woman drivers and such like and you're supposed to just laugh along with it because you're not taking yourself or indeed any members of your sex seriously

How? Did you make a joke?

Yes the kind of man who frequently goes on about it "Just being bantz love"

No idea because I've never matched or dated anyone who uses that phrase. Especially since an awful lot of people leave the 'ly' off and say they want someone who 'doesn't take themselves too serious' and that's just going to piss me off every day. So, win win for them and me.

I did once have sex with a casual hook up who said I was taking it all too seriously. That was quite helpful, in fact, and I did take casual shags more lightly after that. My experience was though that they all expected me to take hair removal more seriously than religion, and they never took any responsibility for safety or contraception or logistics or bookings. Made me think that their alleged high sex drive was a bit pathetic tbh.

It’s been so interesting to see from this thread that many posters think it means something different. Is there a key difference between what men mean and what women mean when they say it?

At the risk of being strung up, OP, I think you have some really good examples on this thread of the sort of people who take all sorts of things too seriously.

Especially well worn phrases that have been around since I was a child.

When I was at school, one of my friends had a poster that said, "Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive!"

It's a lighthearted comment about being able to see the lighter side of things and not going through life finding fault with and the worst in everything and everyone. Not making mountains out of molehills.

It's got absolutely nothing to do with being uncommitted and disrespectful.

Nah, didn't work for me last time. Or, maybe it was the exploding cigarettes. Who knows!

I definitely don’t mean this when I say it.

Gently, I think there are posters on this thread who are exactly the opposite of what I’m looking for and tend to try and find the worst in situations.

When I say I’m looking for a man who doesn’t take himself too seriously, then I mean someone who thinks their glass is half full, not someone who has a more negative mindset (seemingly like many posters on here).

The replies aren't bonkers.

When you've been OLD men long enough (I was on a while before meeting DP), you notice patterns. Some really innocuous wording, tropes, 'tells' that are real time savers.

I think everyone here knows what it means at face value. It's what it tends to signify as part of an OLD profile. There can of course be overlap and people mean it completely positively but it doesn't tend to pop up on the nicer or more interesting profiles really from my experience. They tend to stay away from anything negative as it doesn't add any value as a filter and pulls down the impression. Whats the point? Who would realistically describe themselves as a bit up their own arse or dramatic?

I'd say this one isby far not the worst but I wouldn't swipe on a profile with it unless the rest was standout.

A few years ago I’d have probably agreed that it’s a harmless comment about people who take life as it comes but the last year or so on and off dating apps has shown me a whole world of having to read inbetween the lines I had no idea about having not dated for 30 years.

So I can only share my own experiences with these guys who definitely think that not thinking having the piss ripped out of you usually with misogynic stereotypes dressed up as ‘banter’ is the height of comedy genius and not wetting yourself laughing at their casual sexism is being uptight.

So if not cracking up at sexist stereotyping and casual racism from a bloke I’ve known 5 minutes makes me high maintenance or taking myself too seriously then I’ll own it

Agree with other comments- they want someone upbeat who is generally happy with their life.

Some of the replies are exactly for whom the phrase is intended.

In my experience it’s the complete opposite, I find women funnier and have rarely met a man who can laugh at himself. You’re entitled to your opinion, but it feels a bit like you’re trying to start a fight for no reason with your internalised misogyny/oh I’m so toxic comments, which is odd.

Very occasionally people both men and women meet somewhere in the middle when it comes to humour and having a laugh. It’s probably has some socialisation aspect to it. Men unlike women do not feel the need to be liked and be nice. Humour can often be dark or cruel and there is a line that people don’t like crossed. That line will be very different for people. I find overall the line for women is far shorter than for men. I worked in a male dominated environment for many years, this is academia so not exactly knuckle draggers. I find my line longer than my women friends but not as out there as my male friends.

Plus what @Choochoo21 said about being uptight also what @M74 wrote a very good example of what being uptight is.

I was out last year for my birthday dinner when my very beautiful very high wedge designer shoes fell apart, well one did. There were many jokes about the way I was walking. DH very ran off to buy any pair of shoes he could for me as shops about to close and left me with rest of the party. He returned triumphant with a pair of bloody awful looking Primark chunky flip flops. We all laughed about it and I called him a cheap c bomb. He joked about how I got an extra gift out of him last year when it was my birthday this year.