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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What tipped you over the edge if it was never quite bad enough to leave?

169 replies

SpeccyDoodler · 30/07/2024 20:26

DH is a ‘nice guy’ but has had some stinkers over the years. Each time, I think about leaving but it all settles down and we bumble on again. Barely any intimacy for years. Both early 40s, one DS12 plus several years of failed fertility processes.

Nothing recently has been particularly bad but one wee thing has tipped me into absolute rage that I’m struggling to hold in.

I think I’m done. If you eventually left after 10 years of it being not quite bad enough, what tipped it for you? How did you start the conversation? I’m fit to burst.

OP posts:
Daffydaff · 28/05/2025 16:12

Babysteps123 · 20/05/2025 10:24

I know this thread was from last year but as I read your particular post I thought I could have written it myself. How are things now? Have you 'implemented' your separation yet? I hope things have improved for you x

Oh thank you, and @Crikeyalmighty. I have actually been meaning to start my own thread on this so I shall soon. But a quick update: I am still living with him, out of financial necessity but, if I'm honest, a paralysis of proactive decision making based on a reluctance to make the wrong move. To be fair, I moved to 'his' country early last year in a misguided attempt to give it one last shot, so I'm still working out normal life admin let alone how to separate when my visa is predicated on my marriage status. But we have absolutely separated (rooms / beds / mindset) and he knows that my goal is to live separately and co-parent and he's coming to terms with that.

It got so bad last winter that I needed to see a therapist. I felt I was going insane. All those little paper cuts that we've all experienced that just sounded silly to complain about were threatening to consume me. I explored the possibility that he has narcissistic tendencies (that I appear to have brought out of him!), which has helped in some ways, because it isn't me... there is no solution, only creating distance so he can't hurt me anymore. It's a bit miserable making myself numb, but is better than trying to 'fix' this.

I'm doing everything I can to keep it amicable, which is mentally exhausting, but the arguing has lessened in frequency which helps things. But weirdly, also doesn't, because he then me feel like what we have is as good as it should be, until I remind myself that a) I don't want a life where my happiness is based on the absence of arguing and b) the arguing never really stops anyway.

So, while it has calmed down somewhat, and we can even have (a version of) fun and we rumble along peacefully enough at times, it's like I have a splinter in my foot, sometimes throbbing, sometimes ignored, but always there.

Babysteps123 · 28/05/2025 18:24

Daffydaff · 28/05/2025 16:12

Oh thank you, and @Crikeyalmighty. I have actually been meaning to start my own thread on this so I shall soon. But a quick update: I am still living with him, out of financial necessity but, if I'm honest, a paralysis of proactive decision making based on a reluctance to make the wrong move. To be fair, I moved to 'his' country early last year in a misguided attempt to give it one last shot, so I'm still working out normal life admin let alone how to separate when my visa is predicated on my marriage status. But we have absolutely separated (rooms / beds / mindset) and he knows that my goal is to live separately and co-parent and he's coming to terms with that.

It got so bad last winter that I needed to see a therapist. I felt I was going insane. All those little paper cuts that we've all experienced that just sounded silly to complain about were threatening to consume me. I explored the possibility that he has narcissistic tendencies (that I appear to have brought out of him!), which has helped in some ways, because it isn't me... there is no solution, only creating distance so he can't hurt me anymore. It's a bit miserable making myself numb, but is better than trying to 'fix' this.

I'm doing everything I can to keep it amicable, which is mentally exhausting, but the arguing has lessened in frequency which helps things. But weirdly, also doesn't, because he then me feel like what we have is as good as it should be, until I remind myself that a) I don't want a life where my happiness is based on the absence of arguing and b) the arguing never really stops anyway.

So, while it has calmed down somewhat, and we can even have (a version of) fun and we rumble along peacefully enough at times, it's like I have a splinter in my foot, sometimes throbbing, sometimes ignored, but always there.

Your 3rd paragraph describes my life! Still cohabiting and on the days when there's no arguing, instead of being happy about it as a step towards peaceful co-parenting, I think "oh, why are we splitting up again?" like the absence of toxicity for a day or an hour or whatever invalidates all the other nonsense I've been living through for years. And then I have to give myself a talking to, so I don't gaslight myself into thinking that just because we're not arguing that things are suddenly good between us. My relationship bar is set pretty low at the moment (after 8 years with stbx) and I'm looking forward to eventually having enough distance between us to get everything back in perspective and demand more than the bare minimum.
Thanks for the update, I'm glad things are slowly improving for you x

Daffydaff · 28/05/2025 19:08

Babysteps123 · 28/05/2025 18:24

Your 3rd paragraph describes my life! Still cohabiting and on the days when there's no arguing, instead of being happy about it as a step towards peaceful co-parenting, I think "oh, why are we splitting up again?" like the absence of toxicity for a day or an hour or whatever invalidates all the other nonsense I've been living through for years. And then I have to give myself a talking to, so I don't gaslight myself into thinking that just because we're not arguing that things are suddenly good between us. My relationship bar is set pretty low at the moment (after 8 years with stbx) and I'm looking forward to eventually having enough distance between us to get everything back in perspective and demand more than the bare minimum.
Thanks for the update, I'm glad things are slowly improving for you x

Oh god this. All of it. I feel guilty as hell that I’m breaking up the family when he goes through a good phase. I’m sorry you’re experiencing the same thing, but solidarity too, because it means we’re not crazy right? That self-gaslighting is awful. The relief that I feel that life has returned to ‘normal’ means no solutions are ever reached (nor could they be reached to be fair because of his inability to take accountability / it’s all my fault). But no. Stay strong, as I am, and soon(ish) there will be that space and perspective and room to heal.

Ironically, I also have had a low relationship bar my entire life but it’s taken this one to make me finally realise my worth. Self growth has been great, helped a little perhaps because this happened to me as an older and more wiser (ha!) woman, and it’s been SO batshit as to reflect things right in my face, and I’ve also had one or two people who have validated my experiences (while other friends just put it down to a badly suited couple). As miserable as I am, I feel stronger for my epiphanies.

Thanks for taking the time to check in, and good luck to you and your situation too. X

Fishergirl · 28/05/2025 19:17

@Daffydaff and @Babysteps123 your posts resonate with me completely! When things are calm and just ticking over at home my guilt levels ramp up. I feel wretched about splitting the family up.
I downloaded the Claude AI app last night and had a really good 'conversation' with it! It really helped give some clear points and things for me to read over again if I'm feeling muddled/confused/emotional about the whole situation.
As soon as I'm divorced I want to look at why my bar is so low when it comes to relationships and why my self-esteem is so shite too.
Wishing you both the best of luck too. X

MyPeppyCat · 28/05/2025 19:18

SpeccyDoodler · 30/07/2024 23:01

I’m so sorry for what some of you have gone through. Much more low level here generally but some of the issues we’ve bumbled through have just chipped away at me over the years:

I had horrendous endometriosis, in such a rare position that consultants did an urgent biopsy because they were worried what the lump was. I got the call at 8pm one night to say it wasn’t cancer, it was an endometrioma. DH was in some huff or other at the time. When I got off the phone he didn’t say a word.

Night before a vaginal IVF scan I asked if he’d come to the hospital with me for moral support as I knew the male dr was a bit rough and could do with some moral support. He said no because he’d told his folks he’d pop in for a coffee.

Neither of these are horrendous abuse like some of what’s been mentioned. It’s just so… draining.

Your husband refusing to accompany you to an invasive internal exam is p*ss poor behaviour. I had the same situation. It is a complete lack of empathy and a case of deliberately not prioritising you - the partner in distress - over trivia that could be done at any time.

Babysteps123 · 28/05/2025 20:17

Daffydaff · 28/05/2025 19:08

Oh god this. All of it. I feel guilty as hell that I’m breaking up the family when he goes through a good phase. I’m sorry you’re experiencing the same thing, but solidarity too, because it means we’re not crazy right? That self-gaslighting is awful. The relief that I feel that life has returned to ‘normal’ means no solutions are ever reached (nor could they be reached to be fair because of his inability to take accountability / it’s all my fault). But no. Stay strong, as I am, and soon(ish) there will be that space and perspective and room to heal.

Ironically, I also have had a low relationship bar my entire life but it’s taken this one to make me finally realise my worth. Self growth has been great, helped a little perhaps because this happened to me as an older and more wiser (ha!) woman, and it’s been SO batshit as to reflect things right in my face, and I’ve also had one or two people who have validated my experiences (while other friends just put it down to a badly suited couple). As miserable as I am, I feel stronger for my epiphanies.

Thanks for taking the time to check in, and good luck to you and your situation too. X

@Daffydaff and @Fishergirl it's completely bonkers to me that we are all in such a similar position but it's also really reassuring that we're all experiencing the same emotions / guilt. And Daffydaff is right, we can't all be crazy! I consider myself to be pretty switched-on in most areas of my life, but this situation has really thrown me.
Thank you both for the solidarity.

SchoolIssues25 · 29/05/2025 22:20

Well I realised that I paid for my own maternity leave. He insisted on separate finances. Then the gutter broke and water was pouring into the house when I was on no pay and he refused to pay for it despite keeping all his full time wage. Then we discussed a holiday and I booked it and be refused to pay something towards it. When I ended it I was getting 30 minute tirades calling me a stupid bitch and a selfish cow and how dare I leave him. That kind of ended it for me.

SchoolIssues25 · 30/05/2025 07:56

I killed the thread sorry!

StJamesInfirmary · 30/05/2025 08:22

SpeccyDoodler · 30/07/2024 23:01

I’m so sorry for what some of you have gone through. Much more low level here generally but some of the issues we’ve bumbled through have just chipped away at me over the years:

I had horrendous endometriosis, in such a rare position that consultants did an urgent biopsy because they were worried what the lump was. I got the call at 8pm one night to say it wasn’t cancer, it was an endometrioma. DH was in some huff or other at the time. When I got off the phone he didn’t say a word.

Night before a vaginal IVF scan I asked if he’d come to the hospital with me for moral support as I knew the male dr was a bit rough and could do with some moral support. He said no because he’d told his folks he’d pop in for a coffee.

Neither of these are horrendous abuse like some of what’s been mentioned. It’s just so… draining.

Gosh this sounds so familiar. I think a lot of these replies sound like abuse or verging on abuse but what you're describing is the same as what I'm living with, I'm not sure it would be classed as abuse, just a grumpy, self centered man. My Dad died in September and my husband was totally useless, no comfort what so ever. If I disagree with him, or don't answer a question exactly how he wants he has this cough/inhale he does to express his annoyance with me. We've been together 17 years, there's no chance anyone else would ever pick up on it but after almost 2 decades I've been conditioned by it. He sulks, goes quiet and won't engage. He walks out of rooms when I'm mid sentence, happily leaves all domestic chores to me but if I tell him I need help he'll step in. I'm constantly thinking of leaving him. But he's also a not an arsehole all the time. I've not idea how I'd go about let alone if I really want to. Life is good, do I want to upend everything?

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

StJamesInfirmary · 30/05/2025 08:24

And so draining is spot on. Takes so much energy dealing with men like this.

StJamesInfirmary · 30/05/2025 08:52

AnonyLonnymouse · 31/07/2024 17:46

I do get that argument - about partners doing the one little thing - but if there is some minor domestic arrangement or object that causes tension in the marriage (a set of blinds in this case) I would rather abandon that arrangement or ditch that object than live with the tension. It's just not worth it.

I have been married a looooong time (and in a relationship even longer!) but it is really only recently that I have come to see the merit of letting some things go.

The issue with behaviour like this is that it's whack-a-mole. The blinds aren't the issue. Removing them doesn't get rid of the issue which is the lack of care or regard, even respect. The blinds are a symptom and removing them doesn't do anything to fix the actual problem.

SchoolIssues25 · 30/05/2025 09:02

And when we split I did 90% care for our child for 3 years until he found a partner and does about 30% now. Lazy

Babysteps123 · 30/05/2025 21:55

StJamesInfirmary · 30/05/2025 08:22

Gosh this sounds so familiar. I think a lot of these replies sound like abuse or verging on abuse but what you're describing is the same as what I'm living with, I'm not sure it would be classed as abuse, just a grumpy, self centered man. My Dad died in September and my husband was totally useless, no comfort what so ever. If I disagree with him, or don't answer a question exactly how he wants he has this cough/inhale he does to express his annoyance with me. We've been together 17 years, there's no chance anyone else would ever pick up on it but after almost 2 decades I've been conditioned by it. He sulks, goes quiet and won't engage. He walks out of rooms when I'm mid sentence, happily leaves all domestic chores to me but if I tell him I need help he'll step in. I'm constantly thinking of leaving him. But he's also a not an arsehole all the time. I've not idea how I'd go about let alone if I really want to. Life is good, do I want to upend everything?

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

None of my business, but just wanted to point out that your "life is good" statement, doesn't really chime with the rest of your post. Is it good or us it familiar? Only you can answer, but maybe a question to ask yourself.

Sheepsheeps · 30/05/2025 23:23

Having to put ear drops in his ear and then him yelling at me that I wasn't doing in right and I was hurting him. All because he couldn't be bothered to go to a follow up appointment at the doctor to have them syringed before they got worse again. Made my skin crawl.
That and after a row he said to me with so much malicious venom 'don't push me because I WILL leave you and then what will you do?' I just thought in my head there and then, I'm done.

StJamesInfirmary · 31/05/2025 06:37

Babysteps123 · 30/05/2025 21:55

None of my business, but just wanted to point out that your "life is good" statement, doesn't really chime with the rest of your post. Is it good or us it familiar? Only you can answer, but maybe a question to ask yourself.

Thank you. I'm not sure. I guess the good is that we are financially well off, beautiful home, happy healthy children. I don't have to worry about bills, cost of living etc. My children have a good life and I worry about upending it. But I am also aware that our marriage will affect them, good or bad.

Sharontheodopolodous · 31/05/2025 07:24

He had a list of rules and standards I had to live up to but he didn't
He controlled everything from my time to my money
I was that ground down,I put up with it
The last straw was when he took my last £40 and went to the shop to buy two bags of walkers smokey bacon crisps and claimed they cost the full £40
I had no money for nappies or milk left
I threw him out and he made my life hell-dragged me through the courts just because he could (legal aid) and stalked me
He took everything that wasn't pinned down-my babies cot,my bed,my sofa etc
I think I was meant to go beg for him back
The freedom I felt meant I was never going back and almost 30 years on,he still thinks I'm his possession

TheFirstSeaMonster · 31/05/2025 08:35

So so many but one sticks in my mind. I had noro virus and I was being sick in a bucket in the living room. I felt very weak and faint and lay on the living room floor. DH shouted at me saying “Get up off the floor! You are not an animal” It’s something that has stayed with me since. He caught the virus a few hours later and ended up on the floor in a similar state.

Capeprimrose · 31/05/2025 10:14

@st james....he sounds like a terrifying house terrorist.

Your children will absolutely be absorbing this too.

LikeMyHeartIsAboutToStopBeating · 31/05/2025 11:53

Asking myself the question “if nothing changed, how would I feel at the end of my life?” Completely flipped the script because when I understood nothing would change then the only choice was to go.

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