My new boyfriend’s mum ‘suddenly’ doesn’t like me

[Thisismyusername15]

Need to run through this with someone as it’s upset me a little.

Been with new boyfriend for a little while and met his parents about 6 weeks ago more or less.
Everything seemed fine at first. His parents seemed to like me. His mum was very friendly and chatty and I’ve seen them about 2 or 3 times since then.

Boyfriend is divorced and I heard from him that his ex wife and his mum never really got on but didn’t know exactly why.

It’s the same for my boyfriend’s brother wife, she doesn’t get on with the mum either for reasons unknown and will refuse to come to any events or outings if the mum is there.

At first I didn’t think too much of it (yes I was being that bloody naive) however today we were invited over to his parents for lunch. We both work from home today so agreed and turned up.

His mum was completely off with me to the point she was really rude. She grunted at me multiple times whenever I spoke to her, and at times just plainly ignored me. I went to the loo and overheard his mum say she didn’t like me to his dad! The entire atmosphere was awkward and to be honest I did leave feeling a bit upset.

I’ve not done or said anything untoward so I was really racking my brains over this.

Boyfriend apparently didn’t notice any tension at all and is unsure as to why his mum suddenly dislikes me.

Am I being unreasonable to feel so miffed as to the sudden change? I have a feeling she’s the type of mum where no one is good enough for her sons. I’m not sure how to approach this situation.

My MiL is a spiteful mean woman who successfully drives partners away from both her son and daughter. She was openly hostile to me in the beginning few years and the more nasty she was, the more syrupy sweet I was towards her. She has given up trying to get rid of me and we now have a tolerance, if and when we see one another, which isn't very often.
The thing is that you're in a relationship with your partner and not their mother. It sounds as though he's stood up to her about her behaviour, so he has backbone, and hopefully will stand up for you if she needs to be pulled up again about her behaviour towards you.

I’d call her out on her shit!don’t be rude but ask her what has happened to make her clearly mad at you? I’d also call out that you heard her say she doesn’t like her and would like an opportunity to clear the air! Be polite but direct! If bf doesn’t have your back then he’s shown his true colours!

Who invites people to lunch, at their house, to then be openly hostile? She set this lunch up to deliberately put this in play. I doubt you accidentally overheard her say that, either. You were meant to hear her. What a horrible host.
She’s playing power games with you and testing her sons/ husband to ensure she is still at the top of the tree. She’s a bully. They are enabling her.
Id watch this one very carefully - what kind of life will you have with a man who minimises people treating you like that? It’s not about getting people to pick a side/ choose you. But he shouldn’t be condoning this behaviour and it’s his mother constantly trying to get the men in her family to pick her. This woman is deadset on actively thwarting the relationship and happiness of her sons. Your bf has already lost one significant relationship/ his SIL sounds like she’s had a rough time and he still hasn’t caught on.
The whole family sound enmeshed. Personally, Id leave them to it.

We saw her again yesterday evening and she was really cold with me again! It’s really upset me so I’ve ended things. My gut feeling was telling me to run anyway due to a couple of issues so I’m glad I’ve finished it but still feeling pretty rubbish about it all.

His mum definitely has a big influence over him. He even admitted on the way to his parents house that his mum ‘doesn’t really get on well with other women’ I flipping wonder why!!

I’m really sorry that you are upset. I think you have done the right thing and of course you know this; but I’m so sorry you are hurting.
I’m sure you can see that it’s better this has come out now. Your boyfriend/ exboyfriend is a fool.
Take the time you need to heal, and look after yourself, but be proud for seeing you deserve better. X

I'm really sorry to hear you are upset, but you know it is the right thing to do.

In a way you are lucky, she is ruining his life and he will never be truly happy. Even if he does meet a woman and stands up to her, she will always be a toxic memory. I can't imagine ever doing that to my child.

I'm sorry this is so shit, OP. I'm sorry you were dealt an unfair hand.

If it's any consolation, I think you're really brave and you should be proud of yourself. You would have faces decades of this shit, had arguments over a wedding/house/whatever with her and your partner and then stressed when it came to your kids and her. She's a piece of work BUT your ex allowed it all to happen so he is as much to blame as she is.

You sound lovely. He will come crawling back...but she WILL keep on being like this. You won't be able to open his eyes, the ex wife didn't, his sister in law can't and seemingly his brother can't or won't. It's not you. Leave the enmeshed fucked up lot to themselves.

Ah, sorry you are upset OP. One day, you'll be thankful you didn't end up with him.

So sorry you’re hurting OP but you’ve done the right thing. You’ve saved yourself from a life with the MIL constantly doing the pick me dance to make your partner prove she’s always his number one.

Pity the poor woman who ends up having her on her life 24/7

I really commend you OP.
This is a very difficult decision and you will feel raw for a bit.
Men that 🙈🙉🙊 are soul destroyers.
You have bravely dodged a bullet and thankfully will never truly know the misery you have avoided, he really wasn't good enough for you.
Mind yourself.

Brave choice op. You are smart
strong and resilient. Disappointing to find someone you are interested in only to see this dynamic reveal itself. All the men around her gloss over her behavior and so it persists. It’s not normal “to not get along with women”. Take care of yourself and take time.