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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Rant Alert!

139 replies

generaldogsbody · 11/12/2002 21:41

Excuse me whilst I ramble, have spent recent few days bickering with dh and feel frustrated,annoyed,crap,stupid,pissed off,bewildered etc. And just need to let off steam before I combust. I won't go into the pettiness of our discussions, needless to say they have left me confused. I know deep down I am a strong intelligent woman, but on a daily basis feel worthless and just a "general dogsbody" who's good for nothing but skivvying! I know being a SAHM is valid and precious but start to doubt myself and think maybe if I got a job I'd feel better. I know I need a break but also know I wont get one without an argument,and I'm really getting tired of that. I'm beginning to dread all the work Xmas will be, when normally I love it. I know I probably have low self esteem, which also makes me mad at myself as I know my potential (pre-kids had good job), but I think I dont believe it anymore. Not expecting any answers, just need to off load. Changed name just in case.

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 19/12/2002 16:16

THANK YOU! I wasn't going to leave, I just mad for a while, then I realised how sad it was to be mad over a virtual debate! It's very rare that I get offended or upset about anything on here, I'm usually the observer watching the feathers fly, but when you feel you are doing everything in your power to keep everyone happy, and then one person still insists on taking offence at what you say, not accepting your apology and then remarking on your personal situation, you just see the red mist closing in don't you?

Susanmt, thanks for that explanation, it sounds as if your brother has had quite a difficult time of it, not to mention your family. Hope things work out for him and you in the long-run. It does sound a little like my brother, he's 25 now and with no physical disablities, people often assume he's either drunk or on drugs.

I agree that Mumsnet is great for debating, so I guess we should expect this from time to time. We can't all expect to share the same views and get on can we? Just a shame there are always the ignoramuses to contend with I shall have to have a nasty alter-ego to deal with them! Either that or me and Custardo should swap nicknames for a while, that would really confuse people!

Thanks for cheering me up!

Rhubarb · 19/12/2002 16:18

Chinchilla - forgot to add that I still love you too!

lou33 · 19/12/2002 16:36

Ooh I like the idea of a cyber dark side for those needing to get it off the chest! Wonder what we could get away with being called? Shutyerface? Don'tcarewhatyouthink? Giveityourbestshoticantakeit!? Comeandhaveagoifyouthinkyourhardenough? I'd quite like an alter ego like in Fight Club, or Eminem/Slim Shady style !

Cadi · 19/12/2002 16:37

hello! just came across this thread by accident!! Rhubarb you are not alone

I did want to say that I haven't stomped off or anything - I don't do virtual stomping - I just don't get much time to post and it tends to be when I get involved in a particular thread otherwise I can't remember where I've posted when I return BTW I know no-one suggested I had stormed off it's just me being paranoid now!!

aloha · 19/12/2002 19:04

Sorry Rhubarb, you can't swap with Custardo - she's unmistakeable! (in a good way, I hasten to add - yikes!)

susanmt · 19/12/2002 21:10

Demented - just wanted to sympathise about the GF debates - drive me nad for no obvious reason except my own bad experiences, and more than once I have slammed down the lid of the laptop and sworn never to go on mumsnet again, only to relent oh, about 3 mins later!!

bossykate · 19/12/2002 21:54

hi susan, we are on different sides of the gf debate, but i feel the same as you! my strategy now is not to take part (having made all my points before) and i have to say i feel much better for it!

anyway, when there is war in iraq, the nestle issue, and so many injustices in the developing world... i'd much rather talk about those important issues!

note - large number of smileys!!! indicating beaming, positive goodwill and no desire whatsoever to ever engage in another converation about routines - ever!!

bossykate · 19/12/2002 21:55

not to mention trashy tv shows and recipe swapping

Clarinet60 · 19/12/2002 22:04

mmm, I think I'll be comeandhaveagoifyouthinkyou'rehardenough when I'm cross, as my tribute to Robbie.
Sickening, aren't I?

Rhubarb · 19/12/2002 22:15

How about "mybrotherscomefrommossside" or "doyafancyaknucklesandwich". I like this! I wonder if Mumsnet would accept such nicknames, shall I give it a go and see? Go on, see if you can spot me! Hee hee!

Tinker · 19/12/2002 22:17

I want to be whoyoulookinat?

Rhubarb · 19/12/2002 22:21

Oooh Tinker - you'll never know just how closely you read my mind then!

susanmt · 19/12/2002 22:24

I'm going to be 'waaant a glasgaekiss' as a tribute to my year in Glasgow training to be a teacher, and in tribute to Robbie Boyd, than aged 13, who said this to me while a student on 4 seperate occasions and got suspended ss a result (I won a prize in my class as I was the only student teacher to get a pupil suspended AND catch scabies in the same term. Everybody got me a drink! Good night out!)

bossykate · 19/12/2002 22:46

i wanted to be comeandhaveagoetc! given all the tough ones are taken will i have to be isayoldchapcanwejusttalkthisover? or chill?

Rhubarb · 19/12/2002 22:48

how about joeybutafuko? (snigger)

prufrock · 19/12/2002 22:58

Oh Rhubarb you are so obvious. Kenny's dead!

Rhubarb · 19/12/2002 23:00

Ah, but he lives on.....!

Chinchilla · 19/12/2002 23:59

Thanks Rhubarb Feeling low tonight, as someone asked me if I was pregnant tonight when out with my sister. Wouldn't mind, but someone else did it a couple of months ago too. I was a size 10 then, and am now a 12. Admit I need to lose weight, but I was really hurt by it, as I know that I have looked better. He did it in a really obvious way, while I was up singing at Karaoke, and then got all embarassed when I said, 'No, I'm just fat!' Then he proceeded to go round telling everyone how bad HE felt...

Aaaaargh. Bgger, Bllocks, Sh*t. Feel better now. Sorry to hijack the thread. I'm off now.

Rhubarb · 20/12/2002 15:26

I personally would love to be of a fuller figure. Men generally like to be with a well-rounded woman with a figure, not a stick-insect like me. Maybe this guy was in admiration of your figure but didn't want to show it? I know that skinny girls often have a HUGE chip on their shoulders, probably because they have no hips and no boobs. Someone like Nigella Lawson and Kate Winslet have the perfect figure!

Chinchilla · 20/12/2002 15:45

Not according to my dh Rhubarb! No, this man was just 'pleased' for me, and totally thought that he was right in his assumption. It never crossed his mind to think before he opened his big gob. When I spoke to him at the end of the evening, to say 'Don't worry about it, have a nice Christmas' he then proceeded to say that he was so sorry, it was just that he had never seen me 'that way before'. I said, 'What way?' and he rubbed his stomach in a pregnancy simulation. I said, getting a bit mad by this point, 'What, you mean fat?', and he said, 'Yes...um no, not fat, just you know', with the rubbing of his, not unlike pregnant, beer gut again. I was really not in the mood for it anymore, so just wished him a Happy Christmas again, told him to forget it and legged it before I decked him one.

I have looked in the mirror side on since, and, although I am not skinny, I certainly don't look pregnant. There were a lot of much bigger girls there last night, including my sister. I think it must be because I don't put weight on my face, so my tum must look extra noticable!

I am now worried that my in-laws will all think that I am pregnant, when I see them on Xmas day. I'll bet that they keep quiet, and in 6 months' time they'll realise that I was just a bit hefty!

Bobbins · 20/12/2002 16:43

ooh ooh OOH....mine will be f**kemiftheycan'ttakeajoke, bring it ON

Lindy · 20/12/2002 18:50

Chinchilla - I wouldn't mind being asked if I was pregnant, someone asked if my DS was my grandson the other day ..................!!

Rhubarb - I too would love a figure like Nigella or Kate - but they ARE positively slim compared to me !

Demented · 20/12/2002 19:41

Droile, funnily enough, that is exactly who I thought of when reading that!

Rosy · 20/12/2002 19:53

I know this thread has moved on a bit (where do you lot find the time to do all this posting?) but I just wanted to add my voice to the Rhubarb appreciation society. Anyone who knows you, knows that you're one of the most caring and compassionate people on Mumsnet - even towards others who have completely different views from you. So I'm glad you're sticking around and not letting the attitude of one person get you down too much.

Chinchilla · 20/12/2002 20:24

Lindy - I wouldn't have minded so much if he had been subtle. But he stood next to me in a pub full of people, rubbing his fat gut, and grimacing at me in a knowing way. It was only when I asked later what that was all about that he said, 'Because I know you are pregnant.' To be fair to him, he was sorry, but he then proceeded to make me feel even more small by telling everyone what he had done!

I can imagine how bad it must be to be thought of as a grandparent to your child though. Some people need to take tact lessons don't they!