Rant Alert!

[generaldogsbody]

Excuse me whilst I ramble, have spent recent few days bickering with dh and feel frustrated,annoyed,crap,stupid,pissed off,bewildered etc. And just need to let off steam before I combust. I won't go into the pettiness of our discussions, needless to say they have left me confused. I know deep down I am a strong intelligent woman, but on a daily basis feel worthless and just a "general dogsbody" who's good for nothing but skivvying! I know being a SAHM is valid and precious but start to doubt myself and think maybe if I got a job I'd feel better. I know I need a break but also know I wont get one without an argument,and I'm really getting tired of that. I'm beginning to dread all the work Xmas will be, when normally I love it. I know I probably have low self esteem, which also makes me mad at myself as I know my potential (pre-kids had good job), but I think I dont believe it anymore. Not expecting any answers, just need to off load. Changed name just in case.

Aw thanks Susan. I am probably overreacting, but as you say, when it affects you so deeply, you are liable to get hurt easily. Can I ask you what Fragile X is please? I'm on a course training to teach children with special needs and I haven't come across that term before. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.

As regards the rest of the thread. I should probably just leave it and avoid that person for a while. No point getting stressed about an online discussion is there! It's all relative as they say...

Rhubarb, I can understand why you feel upset given the sensitivity of the subject. I remember when your sister's baby was initially diagnosed. Your views, anxieties and overall experience on this (as well as your brother's circumstances) have certainly made me look at the whole issue in a new light. So if I were you I would just focus on this as an achievement in itself.

I too have found most of the amniocentesis thread interesting & enlightening...and tend to ignore the catty bits (have just re-read most of it and it does come across as a lot more vicious than I'd remembered, so I'm not surprised Rhubarb's upset by it all) because the other experiences/opinions really are worthwhile.
I heard a little about fragile x a while ago...I seem to remember it's inherited and like autism it's a spectrum disorder which can affect boys/girls to different degrees..I spoke to a mum whose son had quite profound learning difficulties but her daughter was far less affected..and like many conditions you can't see anything physicial about their condition, so the mum was often exposed to sly looks when she was out & about and onlookers disapproved of their behaviour

Rhubarb - Boy, do I hear what you're saying. I know we didn't agree on amnios but I certainly didn't find your posts in any way offensive. Quite the contrary.

Rhubarb - and anyone else - don't stop posting, the reason Mumsnet is so great (most of the time) is that we can discuss such a range of sometimes contraversial subjects and get a good cross section of views, and you can't always be so frank & open in real life. But I do find that some peoples reactions (not just on the amnio thread) is totally over the top if people have a different point of view or make an alternative suggestion - some of us seem very, very sensitive! I am sure not all my views are popular (I smack my DS, am a SAHM who uses a childminder & teenage babysitters, followed GF etc to name a few points!!) but I really enjoy reading other viewpoints and feel we can all learn from them - but not if people go off in a huff if they don't like a comment - assuming it is reasonably worded of course!

I personally haven't joined in the amnio thread as I too have a newphew with downs syndrome so its all a bit close to my heart but have read it thoroughly and learned from both 'sides' of the discussion.

If we're not careful this site could just end up as a swap shop for recipes and views on TV shows (no offence intended!) - but I'm sure you know what I mean.

Rhubarb - it seems that I have made the problem worse by asking her not to leave. However, if you read my posting again, you'll see that I was actually 'chiding' (ooh boosy madam that I am) her for being petulant, and saying that she had to expect some come back for being stroppy. The 'please don't leave' request was to calm her down for saying that she was in a huff! I personally thought her comment on another thread was too much, and said so, but I am fed up with people getting p*ssed off and leaving. There is room here for all views, but I just wish that some people could couch them in better ways.

I got really fed up with another poster on a 'friend' thread, who was openly rude to other posters who had come to post their problems. I said then that any replies should be tactful and respectful. I still believe that, and am sorry if I made you feel worse by asking (unnamed poster) to stay. I just want everybody to be happy

Rhubarb, I echo other people's reactions here and think your posts were sensitive, moving and enlightening, to say the least. They really made me think.

I realise when you're feeling bad about something that it's hard to concentrate on the good but IMHO I really do think you have spread a huge amount of understanding and compassion around with your posts so maybe that thought's worth hanging on to? You know it isn't you that has a problem, it's A.N.Other that has a chip on the shoulder. Best wishes.

Rhubarb - agree with the others here - the problem isn't yours! Ignoring "disagreeable" posts is a regular thing. Don't worry about it. Your posts are fair and valid.

Rhubarb I really hope all these messages are making you feel better.
Your posts are always eloquent, intelligent and sensitive.
Keep speaking up

rhuby you write so well you are able to express your opinions in such a wonderful writing style that i fail to see how anyone could be mad at you. but then i would say that cos i know how truly kind you are.

yes lindy i do know what you mean and you phrased it so well - everything i am feeling in a nutshell.

its a shame becuase i think i have come to a point where i am almost frightened of posting, or over explaining what i do post in case its taken the wrong way. and discussions on here can be so stimulating, so many intelligent women all with different views. i do relish a good debate but some people seem to take that the wrong way.

remember the thread with badmamma on? i hadnt heard of her before ( i now know that she has posted many times through the year) however at the time i felt compelled to post, because i was frightened people would think its me. now even to myself that sounds pathetic!

i have a cold, am fed up, my kids are ill and its f**kin xmas! there thats a rant and a half!

I personally would be far less interested in this site if there was no room for all these bolshy opinions!

bolsheviks 4EVA

Rhubarb> to reiterate everyonelse's sentiments, and FWIW; I once went hrough the 'feeling abandoned' thread with a mate of mine, and all he could say all the way through was "GO RHUBARB"...and I promise, I really respect this man's judgement.

Agree with everyone Rhubarb, don't stop posting missus!

and custardo, have just written a massive to do list and feel the same about f Christmas! Hope your kids get better soon.

Christmas for me this year is ....abhorrent. Sorry if this sounds like one- up- womanship, but I just really don't want it...no Mum, no Son, no partner...whoo! Heavy s**t! I'm just hoping to det through it.

My new, 22 yr old, Portuguese man is willing to help, so I will cope!

get. ...NOT DET....got enough of that

RAH...bobbins, do preview...FOOL!

Bobbins - are you sure you weren't at the Xmas do? There was a nice young portuguese there too
I'm sure you will get through Xmas - it will be hard sometimes, but you'll cope.

Rhubarb. Don't you dare go. I've just read the amnio thread for the first time. I started off completely disagreeing with you. But some of your (and Cadi's) comments really made me think. I'm now not sure what I believe, but when the situation next presents itself I am sure I will review that thread - as you said , it is better to make fully informed decisions and Mumsnet , and the varied and opposing opinions on it, help greatly in providing that information

Rhubarb just to echo what everyone else has said, I am always genuinely interested in your views and posts, I have not read the amnio thread as I have strong anti-abortion views (choosing in both pregnancies not to have the preliminary blood tests to decide whether you need an amnio in the first place) so did not even want to go there. However if your experiences have changed someone's point of view about people with disabilities/learning difficulties then that is a great achievement.

PS There is someone who anoys me too, fortunately she rarely posts.

Ooh demented, it's not me is it?
(just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't all out to get you)

Seriously, Rhubarb, stay. I think you're great.

Droile> or that you aren't JUST paying attention

Hi Rhubarb, got around to coming back about the fragile X thing.
Its a syndrome which mainly affects boys. It involves a damaged X chromosome, and doesn't affect girls much because they are XX, so if one X is damaged the other one makes up for it, but in boys it causes a lot of problems due to them being XY.
Typically boys are tall and thin, with long thin limbs and long faces (big chins). They have very little muscle mass and little body hair. THey're almost always sterile or very subfertile (my brother is sterile) Bu the mental/behaviour problems are what cause the problems. My brother has asbergers's syndrome related to his fragile X, has moderate learning difficulties and some sexual control problems. His behaviour is very erratic and often uncontrollable, and he has to live in a residential setting, basically to keep him safe, and unfortunately I can't ever let him have unsupervised access to the children. Given all that he is a great bloke, I love him to bits. He also, unfortunately, was oxygen deprived at birth and thus is epileptic, and has developed diabetes as well, which they think is related to the fragile X. He's a good brother and a fab uncle to my kids. Genetically it doesn't have much bearing on the rest of the family as he is actually my stepbrother (don't usually think of my steps like that) and his two full brothers don't have it. My stepmum regularly feels very guilty about it as she contributed the fragile chromosome - her brother also has it.
If fragile X is detected before birth then abortion is an option for some people. But even my stepmum says that, even with everything that they have been through with him, she would never have chosen no tto have him (this testing wasn't available in the mid-70's). Hope this helps, Rhubarb. Take care.

!!! Droile! No, no, no! Definately not you!

It's a GF thing! This person comes out from nowhere to suddenly defend GF to the death and critisize anyone who dared (generally new posters as well) to question someone's desire to follow GF's methods and I think the most anoying thing is that she then completely disappears into oblivion again, perhaps if she posted on other things and I got to know her I wouldn't feel this way. Also has a v anoying chat name. Ooops probably said too much! Other than that everyone is lovely even although we don't all share the same opinions and this person is probably very nice as well, I just have never seen another side to her.

OK, now I feel quite bad about posting all of that, I have even been and searched this person's name and realised that she does post on other threads, just not the ones I read. So I just want to say sorry, perhaps our paths will cross again on more friendlier terms!

I think it's annoying not anoying isn't it. Being a SAHM has had a bad affect on my spelling.

There was a really interesting and moving account of one little boy's life with Fragile X syndrome in Junior about a year ago. Like Susanmt's brother, he also had moderate learning difficulties. What came through loud and clear in the article was how precious he was to his family.