Husband has announced he's leaving me

[stomachcramps]

Hey 👋
I've been on Mumsnet since 2010 and I've posted many times previously and notably in times of crisis.
I've always received wise words and a handy hold.
Excuse my jocular tone - I think I'm just in shock.
I posted back in 2012 when my husband cheated on his stag do.
I ignored most of the advice given and stayed with him.
We've had our ups and downs but I'd consider it, up until now, to have been a successful and happy marriage.
He sat me down earlier and just said: I need to talk to you.
There's someone else.
That's it - He's leaving.
Not now, but soon.
Upping and going.
He cried loads. I was emotionless and motionless.
Mumsnet - you're famous for helping women to get their ducks in a row. What do I need to know? Be wary of?
We have an eleven year old who starts high school in September.
(D)H plans to move 300 miles away to be with the fifteen years newer and shinier model of me.

He definitely has problems, but it's not OP's job to solve them. He's a grown up man, even though he doesn't act like it. You can't "fix" people.

I know this is the law, but its a fucking stupid one. If someone walks out (unless its due to any sort of abuse) then they should also be walking out on any claim on anything to do with the home, money or other assets. Why should the wronged party potentially lose their home when they've done nothing wrong?

I’m starting to think he might be going thru middle age crisis of some sort and this is his cry for help. Originally I was under impression he’s been having an affair and decided to leave. Now, knowing they never met I’m not so sure. Maybe he doesn’t want to leave at all. In fact perhaps he wants to stay and have more meaningful relationship with you?

what a load of fucking crap. op deserves better.

1. Start lining your ducks up in a row. (He is leaving you, and his son, for someone he met online and not spent any significant time with? Mid life crisis? Lapsed teenager?)
2. If you have joint accounts don't add any more money to them and prevent him from taking significant marital assets for his new life. (Open new sole owner accounts.)
3. Tell friends and family now. Don't add anything, the 15 years etc. Just simply tell them what he told you. Ask them to help tell your son. (Your son needs someone other than mom and dad to talk to about this.)

Tough shit, he’s an adult behaving appallingly, OP doesn’t have to put up with it. If he needs help he should go and get it like OP.

I've always felt secure in his love for me. He's always worshipped me. I feel bereft that he doesn't want me anymore

He cheated on you on his stag night.

Don’t rewrite the past @stomachcramps - it won’t help to romanticise it.

Time to be the bigger person, OP.

Pack his clothes and send him away tonight. If nearby, call his mother and explain that her son is visiting. Cry off work sick and change the locks asap. (It's piss easy.) Book solicitor once he's out of the house and get everything in motion. Then book appt with HR who will understand.

You can tell the kids when they're home or wait until the weekend. Inform school so they can keep and eye.

What planet are you on? The it's ok to treat women like shit planet clearly.

There are no excuses for his behaviour. Reasons yea but not ones good enough to validate his behaviour. You can't defend ripping a family apart causing actual trauma by a mid life crisis. Most people have moments of unhappiness and crisis but they don't just consider themselves.

God, what an absolute fanny. Mooning after a (probably heavily filtered and edited) TikTokker like a 13-year-old adolescent. 😂
Honestly, this in itself would make me fall out of love with the silly fucker. He is bound to come snivelling back, OP, but you sound strong and more than capable of moving forward without this leechy manchild.

I hope when he finally meets her it’s one of those “what I ordered from Wish vs what I got” moments.

Are you sure he is not planning on being carer to your son? Him and tiktok woman playing happy families? The suspicious side of me would put the son staying with in-laws at the time he is leaving as a bit of a coincidence. Are u sure he won't try to keep the boy?

They only go on Friday

moving 300 miles away from his child to be with some woman he's shagging?

what a piece of shit.

Are you in Scotland? You've said 'wee' a few times. If you're in or near Glasgow I'll come and help you pack the cunt's stuff.

Playing devils advocate here - is poncing about on tik toc like an overgrown teenager actually infidelity?

@stomachcramps Fucking hurrah that you're financially independent already!

I've just seen your post where you say he hasn't even met this woman in person yet??

Fucking hell. He's a giant loser. A teenager stuck in a middle aged body.

Planned infidelity- leaving you for someone else.
Emotional affair.

He isn't even shagging her. He's never met his new girlfriend.

Planned infidelity- leaving you for someone else.
Emotional affair.

What did a strong, capable woman like you ever see in this big baby?

You're in a great place, and this will be good once you're over the shit part - it really is such a relief to just have to please yourself (and your child) without having to always think of the man child.

No more: fishing chairs, electric scooters, shisha pipes, wee guns, cooking equipment that gets used once, hot tubs, man caves and bars...

This made me laugh - I had 'The shelves of things X has bought and never used' which became an entire room of expensive stuff that he'd bought and not used. I know we all speak about the script, but there really is one for these wastes of effort!

It's emotional and planned infidelity. But that aside, his treatment and attitude towards you is horrendous and more than enough to cannonball him into oblivion.

I think announcing that you're leaving your wife for another woman is a big enough betrayal. Yes he hasn't shagged her but you know his intention. He's planning on leaving you for a random he's never met. Where is his loyalty? What value does he place on you and your relationship if he's prepared to sacrifice everything for a nobody? Honestly, if it's not her it will be someone else. He's cruising for something/ someone that he perceives as better. If it's not her it will be someone else. I wouldn't take him back regardless of how this works out. You can't trust him and you'll always be looking over you shoulder.

So sorry this is happening to you I hope you can get all your ducks in a row and rebuild a happy life you and your child clearly deserve.I can imagine sorting all this now may be painful but you need to protect yourself from this awful man.He doesn’t deserve you guys .