Husband has announced he's leaving me

[stomachcramps]

Hey 👋
I've been on Mumsnet since 2010 and I've posted many times previously and notably in times of crisis.
I've always received wise words and a handy hold.
Excuse my jocular tone - I think I'm just in shock.
I posted back in 2012 when my husband cheated on his stag do.
I ignored most of the advice given and stayed with him.
We've had our ups and downs but I'd consider it, up until now, to have been a successful and happy marriage.
He sat me down earlier and just said: I need to talk to you.
There's someone else.
That's it - He's leaving.
Not now, but soon.
Upping and going.
He cried loads. I was emotionless and motionless.
Mumsnet - you're famous for helping women to get their ducks in a row. What do I need to know? Be wary of?
We have an eleven year old who starts high school in September.
(D)H plans to move 300 miles away to be with the fifteen years newer and shinier model of me.

You will be better off without him! You're worth more!

Maybe she is … then he’ll turn up and she’ll run screaming.

Call his bluff and tell him to take the children with them for the first few weeks to allow you to process this.

So sorry, what a scumbag, I bet the grass won't be greener for him few months into reality, please never take him back, which a lot of them do when it doesn't work out for them. Remember to make him do to all the travelling to see your child.
Once you've got through the hurt, it will be easier because you don't have to put up with him anymore.

I’m sorry for what you are going through op. And really horrible timing for you too.

But your children will be ok. You will be ok.
I’m not saying it won’t be a bit shit for a while, but you’ll get through this.

Your husband is making a huge mistake leaving his family for a person he’s never met. That’s quite the risk, and the chance of that paying off for him is slim to none. So looking forward, he will be the one who is most at risk of being ‘destroyed’ as you say, not you. Not your son.

I hope by the time he finds out, you will have realised that life can be even better without that man-child requiring your money, attention and support. And when he comes back begging for a second chance, you’re ready to tell him absolutely not.

In the meantime look after yourself, spoil yourself and don’t you dare feel embarrassed that he has done this. That’s for him to feel.

Best wishes for your future. 💐

OP you sound awesome and strong as f*ck! This man is going to regret this move; a friend of mine had a similar experience when her DP ran off with an online GF from across the world while she was having serious surgery. Then he begged her to take him back later. (No chance!) But I am so angry on your DS's behalf and I know what it takes to parent an attachment-traumatised adopted DC. This man is a selfish immature pig for sure. So sorry this is happening to you and your poor DS 😡You both deserve better

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

My dad announced he was leaving for OW he’d only met 3 months prior 4 weeks before my GCSE’s. When I called him out on the timing of blowing our family apart his response was that there’s never a good time so may as well have been then. Complete prick, like your H.

From all you’ve described you’ve been doing it all on your own anyway! Do you have support for your son around his adoption - is their counselling available for him if he knows he is adopted? This may bring up some abandonment issues. Glad that you’re telling everyone - great way of ensuring you don’t go back

You are the strongest woman ever. X

Hasn’t even met her when she lives in the next village?! I sincerely hope he’s been catfished. Idiot. He’ll come crawling back soon. I’d tell him to fuck off now, why wait?

OP you sound incredible, and resilient!! Sending all my love x

Sending you a massive hug 🤗 xx

Seriously chuck him out now, unreasonable to expect you to wait around for him to decide.

I'm so sorry.

He's popping in to see you because he feels guilty but this won't last. Whilst he's feeling guilty get everything you can. Groceries, uniform for the DC etc.

You will need a good solicitor and copies of all the documentation.

He doesn't get to hang around until he wants to leave. He leaves as soon as he's told the DC. Where he goes is up to him.

He has blindsided you do it will take a while to catch up. I would be very cold with him. Everything in writing including arrangements for the DC. How does he plan to see them if he's moving so far away? Get the house up for sale.

He thinks he holds all the cards and power and he does not.

When my friend's ex finally left he truly thought he could see how it went and if it didn't work out he could come back. No mate.

Please remember he's not your friend or on your side.

This would be funny if it wasn't true. First Class BELLEND. We've all got your back OP

I hope this time you will take the advice that's offered. 12 years ago when he was unfaithful on his own stag do, I presume people told you not to marry him but you ignored it. Unfortunately he now has a claim to half of what you have, but is unlikely to get that amount as hopefully the courts will take into consideration that you have a child to support that he will be minimally involved with, and that you had assets from before him. You will likely have to remortgage to borrow enough to pay him off for a share of the house.
Meanwhile, I'm sure he's going to love playing step-dad to 2 unknown DC's, who will not be welcoming him with open arms, and he might get a shock if she's used lots of filters on her tick-tock.
He's just ducked out of the best thing that ever was in his life, and set himself up for a bleak future.
Is his car under your name by any chance? I'd be having that back or stopping any outstanding payments on it.

What an absolute knob he is. He'll come crawling back to you, hopefully you'll have moved on by then.

Why would you put the kid through that?

A stranger & a dad who doesn't care?

If you haven't already I'm sure you'll be off to a solicitor soon but just a note that as you've been paying the mortgage directly from your account, they and any for repairs and upgrades, can be deducted from "the pot" even if mortgage is joint.

I'm sorry what?

He's leaving you for a young woman with 2 children who prances about on Tik Tok whom he's never met?

He's going to rock up in all his Dad glory without a job and the pair of them will live happily ever after on minimum wage? They've conned each other!

As my bf would say "daft fucker"!

You however have got it going on. It is so awful but yes tell everyone and get him gone for good.

You don't tell your child. He does. Let him look him/her in the eye and say it. Don't let him put that shit on you.

What an utter embarrassment of a man he is. TikTok?! Is he twelve?

You, on the other hand, sound awesome, and you will get your DS through this with your head held high.

Yes, exactly, it is very soon or she could just want a guy for help with the kids and for extra money if she's recently separated. She might have come on strong to him and he went with it. God knows who she is. Actually, ya it might be a good idea if he sees your somewhere neutral for now because you have no idea what her ex is like either. He might have been abusive for all you know or have an addiction or problem of some kind and if your son had trauma before he was adopted its the last thing he needs on starting secondary school!!

Thinking of you OP.

Hope your absolute shit of an stbxhs bollocks have spontaneously combusted and he's stubbed his little toe thrice today already.