Threesome went wrong

[Cherryblossom85]

Hi all I'm posting this for a couple of reasons really.
One being I have noone else to get this all of my chest too as I haven't told any friends about it and Two to warn other how a potential threesome could go.

So here goes
I've been seeing a man for about 9 months, he has always treated me very well all the things I had been looking for including No games. Grounded. Mature. Kind . Funny and we have always just clicked from day one.

A couple of months ago we spoke about sexual fantasies his being a threesome, he said he would never make me feel pressured to do this though & was happy for it just to be a fantasy. As time went on I felt more comfortable with him sexually & said I would like to explore this with him .
He was clearly very excited & got to work straight away on joining dating sites & sites aimed for swinging / threesomes.
I left all that side to him as I'm not really into messaging people back & forth.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago he msg me and told me he has found someone, she would like to explore with us as a couple

He sent me the conversation between them and the photos they had exchanged, it was all very open and he said I could change my mind at any time ( which I have felt I can do)
We had arranged to meet her this friday just gone.
The past 2 weeks leading up to it, she is all he has spoken about it was like he was obsessed , i just said to myself well once it is out if his system maybe he wint be going on and on about her so much.
To cut a long story short ... we met her friday evening, I found her very attractive and there was an instant chemistry between us.
We all chatted for a while and then she made it clear she would like to take things further that evening so we booked into a hotel.
The thing is , she seemed very keen on me and was all over me , kissing touching etc. The man I'm seeing was initially into it he then turned and said to her can I join in now and she said no not yet I just want to be with her for a minute , so he respected that.
As things progressed she only wanted me , I stopped and asked her are you actually gay? Or not attracted to my boyfriend? That's ok if either of those things are correct however we were after a threesome, she then kissed him for a while and they started doing other things together ... I could see her actually wince though as if she just was not attracted to him in the slightest ... she kept turning back towards me and when he put his hand on her leg to get involved she said no and moved his hand off her.
It was all a bit awkward however I was quite enjoying being with her , I looked over at my boyfriend and he looked very angry , I had never seen him like this before!
She then went to the bathroom and he turned to me and said that he doenst want the threesome to continue and that he was going to offer to pay for her cab.
He was very short with me and it was clear he wasnt having a good time so I agreed.
When she came out of the bathroom I was polite and friendly and said it wasnt working for us as a couple and we would call her a cab. I was so embarrassed about my boyfriend's behaviour as he was grumpy now and didnt speak to her before she left. I walked her out to the cab gave a hug and said goodbye.
When I walked back into the hotel room my boyfriend was very cross and said shes obsessed with you! I said to him I'm so confused this is what your fantasy you have said for a long time that you wanted to see me with another woman .I understand she was more attracted to me then him however I couldnt help this.
Anyway his behaviour has now given me the ick and I dont think I want to see him anymore!. We went to sleep that evening and the next morning we went for breakfast he moaned about how expensive the bill for breakfast was ( it really wasn't) I had never seen him behave like this before now.
I offered to pay for it just to keep him quiet and to stop the moaning although it was his turn to pay as we often take turns.
I paid for the breakfast we got up to leave and his whole attitude was miserable. I tried talking to him and he was having none of it , again something I've never seen in him before as we have always communicated well.
By Saturday afternoon I was ready to go home , we had the weekend planned together but something had switched inside me after seeing him like this and I made my excuses and said I needed to get back as my children were coming back early . I made it up but I just had to leave , I couldn't stand to be around him.
I feel like theres no going back from this.
Any advice over what to do please?
Thanks in advance

Angry men are far more likely to be violent than angry women, particularly when the person they are angry at is a woman.

Women know this. Of course a woman is justified to feel fear when she sees that a man is angry.

Yy courgettes - and it was the OP that noticed the guest was wincing, rather than the oh so sensitive and thoughtful XP.

And yet, it was the guest who was supposed to be alive to the XP’s facial expressions and call a halt, though he obviously gave no shits about her comfort?

I absolutely have.
Which is why now I have very strong views on consent.

I've never been in a situation where that has happened where there was another woman in the room though, in which case I would imagine it's less scary to say no. Of course there's a chance that the 2 of them would assault you so I can also see why a woman in that situation might go along with it.

However, from what the OP has said it seems like this woman went along with it simply because she was really enjoying the OP and wanted to carry on with her.

At no point have I said that this woman should have had to go along with having sex with the OPs boyfriend!!

At no point. Ever.

A "mean trick", God I've heard it all now. What do you call framing a man not having a woman all over him because she disliked him as a breach of his consent not to be rejected?

There can't really be this many people who don't understand what consent is, even as they complain about the word "complain". Just people who will reach for literally anything to put a woman retroactively in the wrong because she didn't give a man what he wanted. He never consented to be refused, what a load of fucked up hogwash.

At that point he realised that a threesome was off the cards, the woman also knew she didn't want one, but she still assumed consent to carry on with the OP even though the OP had told her it's fine if you're not attracted to my boyfriend, but we're after a threesome.

Ha! well that's a good point well made.

No 🙉

My point is that at that point she had withdrawn consent for him touching her and he knew it, but then she decided to still carry on with the girlfriend.........even though she knew that they hadn't brought her into the bedroom for that reason.

I'm unclear on what the debate is so i'm reading up on it.

As soon as she went to the bathroom he said he didn't want it to continue. Presumably this all happened over the space of a few seconds unless the OP carried on for ages after seeing he had a very angry face...and it only stopped because the woman went to the bathroom.

Won't someone think of his FEELINGS! 😭

The twat not only pushed for the threesome, he arranged it, picked the third etc and then you think he's just fine to treat his partner like shit because it didn't go the way he wanted it to?!

Do me a favour 🙄

“and it only stopped because the woman went to the bathroom.”

I said I wouldn’t engage with you further and I will probably regret it - but she may well have excused herself to go the the bathroom to get some distance from the angry faced man and think about how to handle it and what to do next. Whether to leave, to broach the question of the guy just watching or interacting only with his partner and not with the guest, etc.

The guy could absolutely have said “hey, can we take a sec, this isn’t working for me” whether the guest went to the bathroom or not.

The woman not being into him is being vigorously (misre)presented by some posters complaining that it was a breach of his consent because he never consented not to have the unicorn all over him. It all stopped when he requested it but somehow he is still the victim who didn't consent.

That's where we've got to, if you want to know how ridiculous it's really become!

Perhaps she did, and I'm assuming this all happened within a few seconds..so perhaps if she hadn't excused herself he might have said it wasn't working for him just after. Who knows.

I really don't know why there is a such a hellish debate going on here over consent. It seems every thread of this nature devolves into the same kind of shitstorm on this forum.

I think that OPs story is hilarious really, and it also serves as a very useful reminder of why fantasy and reality are more oft than nought completely different things.

Nobody was in the wrong in this situation.

OP consented to a threesome with the guy
OP was fine with him setting up the threesome and introducing the 3rd party
3rd party agreed to threesome then apparently changed her mind, which I find a little bit dishonest but ok fine.
The guy didn't like it because guess what? He wanted a threesome, not a voyeurism experience. Seems perfectly reasonable to me. He wanted it to stop as a result because it isn't what he signed up for.

If OP had wanted to carry on with 3rd party then the guy had no actual right to stop that happening but here's the thing with this: "Oh... well we didn't think about that possibility". Pretty evidently.

These folks aren't experienced swingers, they set up a threesome on a whim and thought it would be hilarious fun. It's a bit like Clarksons Farm really... it seems like it would be a great idea until you actually start doing it and realise there's a bit more to it than you bargained for.

Everyone here bit off more than they could chew, the driving factor was, as usual, someone using their cock to dictate the direction of things. Oddly enough, cocks don't tend to have particularly good analytical skills in my experience, they're kind of one trick ponies and they certainly don't think ahead.

Me thinks that OP and her partner should have had a bit of a chat about all this prior to it becoming a reality.

I really don't know why there is a such a hellish debate going on here over consent.

Because that's the ridiculous reach some people have to make to retroactively put the unicorn in the wrong. He didn't consent to the dynamics not going in his favour the first time these inexperienced people had a threesome with a woman they didn't know and who picked up that he was a creep.

Amen to that.

How is he a creep?

She agreed to have sex with him and his partner? How is he a creep for actually trying to do that.

Ask the unicorn, that's why she didn't like him!

Although given his subsequent tantrum and desire for a revenge scenario on OP, it seems she had the measure of him.