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Threesome went wrong

838 replies

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:29

Hi all I'm posting this for a couple of reasons really.
One being I have noone else to get this all of my chest too as I haven't told any friends about it and Two to warn other how a potential threesome could go.

So here goes
I've been seeing a man for about 9 months, he has always treated me very well all the things I had been looking for including No games. Grounded. Mature. Kind . Funny and we have always just clicked from day one.

A couple of months ago we spoke about sexual fantasies his being a threesome, he said he would never make me feel pressured to do this though & was happy for it just to be a fantasy. As time went on I felt more comfortable with him sexually & said I would like to explore this with him .
He was clearly very excited & got to work straight away on joining dating sites & sites aimed for swinging / threesomes.
I left all that side to him as I'm not really into messaging people back & forth.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago he msg me and told me he has found someone, she would like to explore with us as a couple

He sent me the conversation between them and the photos they had exchanged, it was all very open and he said I could change my mind at any time ( which I have felt I can do)
We had arranged to meet her this friday just gone.
The past 2 weeks leading up to it, she is all he has spoken about it was like he was obsessed , i just said to myself well once it is out if his system maybe he wint be going on and on about her so much.
To cut a long story short ... we met her friday evening, I found her very attractive and there was an instant chemistry between us.
We all chatted for a while and then she made it clear she would like to take things further that evening so we booked into a hotel.
The thing is , she seemed very keen on me and was all over me , kissing touching etc. The man I'm seeing was initially into it he then turned and said to her can I join in now and she said no not yet I just want to be with her for a minute , so he respected that.
As things progressed she only wanted me , I stopped and asked her are you actually gay? Or not attracted to my boyfriend? That's ok if either of those things are correct however we were after a threesome, she then kissed him for a while and they started doing other things together ... I could see her actually wince though as if she just was not attracted to him in the slightest ... she kept turning back towards me and when he put his hand on her leg to get involved she said no and moved his hand off her.
It was all a bit awkward however I was quite enjoying being with her , I looked over at my boyfriend and he looked very angry , I had never seen him like this before!
She then went to the bathroom and he turned to me and said that he doenst want the threesome to continue and that he was going to offer to pay for her cab.
He was very short with me and it was clear he wasnt having a good time so I agreed.
When she came out of the bathroom I was polite and friendly and said it wasnt working for us as a couple and we would call her a cab. I was so embarrassed about my boyfriend's behaviour as he was grumpy now and didnt speak to her before she left. I walked her out to the cab gave a hug and said goodbye.
When I walked back into the hotel room my boyfriend was very cross and said shes obsessed with you! I said to him I'm so confused this is what your fantasy you have said for a long time that you wanted to see me with another woman .I understand she was more attracted to me then him however I couldnt help this.
Anyway his behaviour has now given me the ick and I dont think I want to see him anymore!. We went to sleep that evening and the next morning we went for breakfast he moaned about how expensive the bill for breakfast was ( it really wasn't) I had never seen him behave like this before now.
I offered to pay for it just to keep him quiet and to stop the moaning although it was his turn to pay as we often take turns.
I paid for the breakfast we got up to leave and his whole attitude was miserable. I tried talking to him and he was having none of it , again something I've never seen in him before as we have always communicated well.
By Saturday afternoon I was ready to go home , we had the weekend planned together but something had switched inside me after seeing him like this and I made my excuses and said I needed to get back as my children were coming back early . I made it up but I just had to leave , I couldn't stand to be around him.
I feel like theres no going back from this.
Any advice over what to do please?
Thanks in advance

OP posts:
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7
courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 14:39

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kkloo · 23/07/2024 14:43

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They're not on the same level but they can be compared yes.

Flashing, indecent exposure etc are considered sex crimes.

courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 14:43

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courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 14:44

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kkloo · 23/07/2024 14:45

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Only if it progressed to sex or you could see their genitalia 😅

kkloo · 23/07/2024 14:45

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Yes, hence why I said they can be compared?

Not on the same level but they can be compared.

courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 14:46

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courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 14:48

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courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 14:49

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kkloo · 23/07/2024 14:54

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That doesn't follow the same logic.

In that scenario there are two people, she can give consent and she can revoke consent. She doesn't need his consent to stop. And he should of course understand that it's clear that consent has been revoked when she is trying to get away from him.

In the OPs scenario there are 3 people, even the OP even stopped during and asked her are you actually gay? Or not attracted to my boyfriend? That's ok if either of those things are correct however we were after a threesome.

The women knew that they only wanted a threesome but she decided nope I don't want a threesome (perfectly fine to decide that) but decided that she was still going to have a sexual experience with one of them anyway and pretend that it was still a threesome, even though that wasn't what the couple consented to.

kkloo · 23/07/2024 14:55

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It's not disturbing in any way that I would tell my daughter to dump him but to also be cautious about that woman.

courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 14:58

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courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 14:59

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kkloo · 23/07/2024 14:59

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I've been raped and sexually assaulted myself.

It doesn't matter that it was for only for seconds, I think the womans intention was probably to continue it on with the OP until she and the OP were done, and then leave. So it would have been more like a full cuck experience that he hadn't consented to.

courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 14:59

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samanthablues · 23/07/2024 15:00

roses321 · 23/07/2024 14:38

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this hilarious story about how a mans ego got completely crushed by his own fantasy.

I just can't.

Men with very fragile egos and zero emotional maturity should be avoided at all costs when it comes to relationships. I’d rather find this out after a threesome than after a kid and a mortgage!

californiaisdreaming · 23/07/2024 15:02

So he was obsessed with her and then when you met, instead of him getting to have his cake and eat it and have both of you all over him, he was more like a spare wheel?

Then he went off to sulk.

It seems quite childish to misdirect his anger towards you when he's the one who wanted the whole thing in the first place.

Time to move on.

kkloo · 23/07/2024 15:02

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I'd think she was in the wrong if she realised it was only going to be girl on girl and she saw his angry face and then carried on regardless yes. But that didn't happen, it stopped at that point.

I already said why I'd say she should dump him, he went on tinder to arrange another one without even asking.

I can understand why someone might be upset without that meaning that I think their reaction and behaviour afterwards is ok.

kkloo · 23/07/2024 15:05

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As things progressed she only wanted me , I stopped and asked her are you actually gay? Or not attracted to my boyfriend? That's ok if either of those things are correct however we were after a threesome, she then kissed him for a while and they started doing other things together ... I could see her actually wince though as if she just was not attracted to him in the slightest ... she kept turning back towards me and when he put his hand on her leg to get involved she said no and moved his hand off her.

When the OP said they were after a threesome she decided to appease him for a while rather than just be honest....so that she could continue on with the OP.

courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 15:07

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samanthablues · 23/07/2024 15:08

kkloo · 23/07/2024 14:59

I've been raped and sexually assaulted myself.

It doesn't matter that it was for only for seconds, I think the womans intention was probably to continue it on with the OP until she and the OP were done, and then leave. So it would have been more like a full cuck experience that he hadn't consented to.

I’m having great difficulty putting the words “sexual abuse” and “non consensual “ in the same phrase as “OP’s boyfriend”. Sorry but All was consensual, he just didn’t expected that the lady would be more into her than him, sorry dude, sh-it happens, but this was all very very consensual I’m afraid. Alternatively he can go to his nearest police station and tell the desk officer he wants to file a complaint because the threesome girl decided to concentrate more on her than him and his ego feels crushed. I would love to watch the cops face 🤣

courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 15:09

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courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 15:11

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kkloo · 23/07/2024 15:12

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And what if it was your daughter and she had a threesome with her partner and another man and she was ok with some bi play, but then she said to you that they just completely ignored her and focused on each other even though she was visibly upset and angry and so her boyfriend knew that she was uncomfortable but he still carried on regardless.

Would you think that that was ok? That she'd brought it on herself? Or would you think that the partner should have stopped?

Or if it was 3 women, and your daughter carried on with the third while her partner looked angry....would you say that her girlfriend was dangerous? I doubt it

kkloo · 23/07/2024 15:14

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The pretence is in the part before that.....dear God. She had no interest in him and then just started doing stuff with him when the OP asked was she gay and said that they were actually after a threesome.

It was absolutely fine for her to want to stop......but she shouldn't have decided she was still allowed to just carry on with the girlfriend when even the girlfriend had told her that what they were after was a threesome.

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