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Threesome went wrong

838 replies

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:29

Hi all I'm posting this for a couple of reasons really.
One being I have noone else to get this all of my chest too as I haven't told any friends about it and Two to warn other how a potential threesome could go.

So here goes
I've been seeing a man for about 9 months, he has always treated me very well all the things I had been looking for including No games. Grounded. Mature. Kind . Funny and we have always just clicked from day one.

A couple of months ago we spoke about sexual fantasies his being a threesome, he said he would never make me feel pressured to do this though & was happy for it just to be a fantasy. As time went on I felt more comfortable with him sexually & said I would like to explore this with him .
He was clearly very excited & got to work straight away on joining dating sites & sites aimed for swinging / threesomes.
I left all that side to him as I'm not really into messaging people back & forth.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago he msg me and told me he has found someone, she would like to explore with us as a couple

He sent me the conversation between them and the photos they had exchanged, it was all very open and he said I could change my mind at any time ( which I have felt I can do)
We had arranged to meet her this friday just gone.
The past 2 weeks leading up to it, she is all he has spoken about it was like he was obsessed , i just said to myself well once it is out if his system maybe he wint be going on and on about her so much.
To cut a long story short ... we met her friday evening, I found her very attractive and there was an instant chemistry between us.
We all chatted for a while and then she made it clear she would like to take things further that evening so we booked into a hotel.
The thing is , she seemed very keen on me and was all over me , kissing touching etc. The man I'm seeing was initially into it he then turned and said to her can I join in now and she said no not yet I just want to be with her for a minute , so he respected that.
As things progressed she only wanted me , I stopped and asked her are you actually gay? Or not attracted to my boyfriend? That's ok if either of those things are correct however we were after a threesome, she then kissed him for a while and they started doing other things together ... I could see her actually wince though as if she just was not attracted to him in the slightest ... she kept turning back towards me and when he put his hand on her leg to get involved she said no and moved his hand off her.
It was all a bit awkward however I was quite enjoying being with her , I looked over at my boyfriend and he looked very angry , I had never seen him like this before!
She then went to the bathroom and he turned to me and said that he doenst want the threesome to continue and that he was going to offer to pay for her cab.
He was very short with me and it was clear he wasnt having a good time so I agreed.
When she came out of the bathroom I was polite and friendly and said it wasnt working for us as a couple and we would call her a cab. I was so embarrassed about my boyfriend's behaviour as he was grumpy now and didnt speak to her before she left. I walked her out to the cab gave a hug and said goodbye.
When I walked back into the hotel room my boyfriend was very cross and said shes obsessed with you! I said to him I'm so confused this is what your fantasy you have said for a long time that you wanted to see me with another woman .I understand she was more attracted to me then him however I couldnt help this.
Anyway his behaviour has now given me the ick and I dont think I want to see him anymore!. We went to sleep that evening and the next morning we went for breakfast he moaned about how expensive the bill for breakfast was ( it really wasn't) I had never seen him behave like this before now.
I offered to pay for it just to keep him quiet and to stop the moaning although it was his turn to pay as we often take turns.
I paid for the breakfast we got up to leave and his whole attitude was miserable. I tried talking to him and he was having none of it , again something I've never seen in him before as we have always communicated well.
By Saturday afternoon I was ready to go home , we had the weekend planned together but something had switched inside me after seeing him like this and I made my excuses and said I needed to get back as my children were coming back early . I made it up but I just had to leave , I couldn't stand to be around him.
I feel like theres no going back from this.
Any advice over what to do please?
Thanks in advance

OP posts:
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7
SoreAndTired1 · 23/07/2024 13:31

ruethewhirl · 23/07/2024 08:53

Have you really not noticed that a lot of posters on MN appear to actively detest men?

No, I haven't. I've only seen men's oppression of and bad treatment of women called out. That does not equate to 'detesting men'.

PansyPolly · 23/07/2024 13:33

Pictureperfect9 · 23/07/2024 13:23

May I ask if the term 'the guest artist' is an expression adopted by those who participate in threesomes. I'd never heard it before & had to laugh when I read it a few times on this thread. 🤣🤦‍♀️

If you mean me, I used 'guest star' :)

The standard term is 'unicorn' - but that is used in other contexts eg when a MF couple want to add a F into their relationship but want her to be entirely content with always being the 'third' and to be faithful to them both.

So I thought guest star was better in this context.

kkloo · 23/07/2024 13:36

NonPlayerCharacter · 23/07/2024 13:31

That's a lot of words for "mental gymnastics around male consent because a woman doesn't like him".

At worst, she was bad in bed (though OP would beg to differ). I'm not sure if you're thinking of entitlement or consent because you seem to be pinging between the two based on whichever claim just got refuted. Doesn't matter, it's neither.

Some men would have been happy to have interaction with one woman while the other one focused on his partner. He wasn't one of them, fine. He spoke, it ended. No breach of consent, no entitlement. Just a sexual experiment with someone they didn't really know and which turned out to have the wrong dynamic. You can't "not consent" to that.

You're the one doing mental gymnastics on all of my points which is why I have to refute them to get you to stop twisting my words.

I am predominantly discussing consent.

I only mention the word entitled because that woman said the man was entitled, and I think that she also was. I wouldn't have mentioned it if not.

BlackShuck3 · 23/07/2024 13:38

courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 08:54

is it my worst nightmare of a weekend? yes
would i be showering vigorously after such a weekend? hell yes
am i relieved no children present in the house (i had missed it was at his house) during this kind of weekend? hell yes!

@courgettes4eva
Clearly this kind of sexual activity is not your thing at all!
From what you have said you have very strong aversion to this kind of sex, so much so that even thinking about it makes you feel extremely uncomfortable.
So why are you on this thread?

swimsong · 23/07/2024 13:58

NonPlayerCharacter · 23/07/2024 12:48

He did not consent to just watching his partner with someone else, which is a completely different sexual experience or kink, like voyeur/exhibitionist.

So he revoked consent and it ended and she left. From what she said afterwards, it hadn't been her initial plan to leave him out, but she revoked her consent because she could tell he was a prick.

He decided he wasn't enjoying it, so it stopped. What are you complaining about?

The point is that he didn't revoke/withdraw consent. He didn't consent in the first place.

And characterising the poster that you're disagreeing with as "offended" or "complaining" is a mean trick - and not compatible with healthy debate.

Pictureperfect9 · 23/07/2024 13:59

PansyPolly · 23/07/2024 13:33

If you mean me, I used 'guest star' :)

The standard term is 'unicorn' - but that is used in other contexts eg when a MF couple want to add a F into their relationship but want her to be entirely content with always being the 'third' and to be faithful to them both.

So I thought guest star was better in this context.

Hmmm! Thanks for the reply & each to their own. All very interesting. Fantasising is normal. Personally I'd rather walk on hot coals sooner than watch my DH being intimate with anyone else🤦‍♀️🤣

UKposter · 23/07/2024 13:59

@Cherryblossom85 i hope it goes well tomorrow. Let us know.

janeintheframe · 23/07/2024 14:04

kkloo · 23/07/2024 13:25

To be clear, I pretty much hate men! 😂
99.9999% of the time I'll take the womans side.
I think most men are pricks, and am not one bit ashamed of openly saying that!
Check my post history if you want, I am definitely not a man!! 😂

But in this particular case I think the third came off just as badly as him, and the gender doesn't come into it, because I would feel the same if this was 3 women, or if the third had been a man, or if the third had only focused on the man and not the OP.

Boasting you hate men doesnt solve this, many of us are disagreeing your position.

he consented a threesome. The woman decided she didn’t wish this, she wanted sex with the op. The op consented to this. The man can leave. He can ask the op to stop, as he did. However his consent is not required for the op and the woman to have sex, only theirs. They consented.

consent is not breached because the woman decided she didn’t wish to shag him. She’s entitled to say no. Once she does, he can either leave the room. Or ask them to stop.

They do not, at any point, require his consent to have sex with one another.

do you understand?

courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 14:11

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Thedayb4youcame · 23/07/2024 14:17

HectorPlasm · 23/07/2024 11:28

"any cracks will get wide open"

Might want to reward that

😳

With a gold star.

courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 14:18

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courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 14:18

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SloaneStreetVandal · 23/07/2024 14:23

Pictureperfect9 · 23/07/2024 13:23

May I ask if the term 'the guest artist' is an expression adopted by those who participate in threesomes. I'd never heard it before & had to laugh when I read it a few times on this thread. 🤣🤦‍♀️

I had a chuckle too at the illustrious sounding label of guest star being used as a euphymism for an internet pick up 🤦‍♀️😂

kkloo · 23/07/2024 14:25

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100%
I would tell her to be careful with that woman because I saw red flags in regards to consent and boundaries.

I'd say dump the boyfriend but also to be extremely cautious if she was dating this woman!!

PansyPolly · 23/07/2024 14:27

SloaneStreetVandal · 23/07/2024 14:23

I had a chuckle too at the illustrious sounding label of guest star being used as a euphymism for an internet pick up 🤦‍♀️😂

Not a euphemism! Just to distinguish between the established couple and the visitor.

(though, not so established anymore!)

kkloo · 23/07/2024 14:28

janeintheframe · 23/07/2024 14:04

Boasting you hate men doesnt solve this, many of us are disagreeing your position.

he consented a threesome. The woman decided she didn’t wish this, she wanted sex with the op. The op consented to this. The man can leave. He can ask the op to stop, as he did. However his consent is not required for the op and the woman to have sex, only theirs. They consented.

consent is not breached because the woman decided she didn’t wish to shag him. She’s entitled to say no. Once she does, he can either leave the room. Or ask them to stop.

They do not, at any point, require his consent to have sex with one another.

do you understand?

I'm very aware that most disagree, that doesn't mean that I have to change my mind (I won't).

Consent is actually required before doing stuff in front of other people. You can't just cuck people without consent.

I mean you're not going to go to jail for it or anything but morally it's wrong and I would say that she didn't have consent.

kkloo · 23/07/2024 14:29

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It's also easy to leave a room if your husband walked in wearing a bra and knickers, but that doesn't mean he should involve you in his kink without getting your consent first.

courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 14:30

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SloaneStreetVandal · 23/07/2024 14:31

UKposter · 23/07/2024 13:59

@Cherryblossom85 i hope it goes well tomorrow. Let us know.

I doubt it. Single women are a rarity on swinger sites? This woman could be recruiting or something. There'll be a lot of vulnerable women to exploit on the swinging scene.

courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 14:31

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courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 14:34

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kkloo · 23/07/2024 14:36

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Yes, he went onto Tinder afterwards to try to set up a new threesome without even asking the OP.

courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 14:37

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roses321 · 23/07/2024 14:38

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this hilarious story about how a mans ego got completely crushed by his own fantasy.

I just can't.

kkloo · 23/07/2024 14:38

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There's no confliction there at all!!

She did not have to be interested in him at all! She had every right to not want to have sex with him or interact sexually with him AT ALL!

But she should have said "Actually I don't want to continue with a threesome,can we continue just me and her?"

And then given him the option to say yes or no.

Instead she just decided that the threesome wasn't going to go ahead but she was going to fuck the OP anyway....something which he hadn't consented to outside of a threesome.