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Threesome went wrong

838 replies

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:29

Hi all I'm posting this for a couple of reasons really.
One being I have noone else to get this all of my chest too as I haven't told any friends about it and Two to warn other how a potential threesome could go.

So here goes
I've been seeing a man for about 9 months, he has always treated me very well all the things I had been looking for including No games. Grounded. Mature. Kind . Funny and we have always just clicked from day one.

A couple of months ago we spoke about sexual fantasies his being a threesome, he said he would never make me feel pressured to do this though & was happy for it just to be a fantasy. As time went on I felt more comfortable with him sexually & said I would like to explore this with him .
He was clearly very excited & got to work straight away on joining dating sites & sites aimed for swinging / threesomes.
I left all that side to him as I'm not really into messaging people back & forth.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago he msg me and told me he has found someone, she would like to explore with us as a couple

He sent me the conversation between them and the photos they had exchanged, it was all very open and he said I could change my mind at any time ( which I have felt I can do)
We had arranged to meet her this friday just gone.
The past 2 weeks leading up to it, she is all he has spoken about it was like he was obsessed , i just said to myself well once it is out if his system maybe he wint be going on and on about her so much.
To cut a long story short ... we met her friday evening, I found her very attractive and there was an instant chemistry between us.
We all chatted for a while and then she made it clear she would like to take things further that evening so we booked into a hotel.
The thing is , she seemed very keen on me and was all over me , kissing touching etc. The man I'm seeing was initially into it he then turned and said to her can I join in now and she said no not yet I just want to be with her for a minute , so he respected that.
As things progressed she only wanted me , I stopped and asked her are you actually gay? Or not attracted to my boyfriend? That's ok if either of those things are correct however we were after a threesome, she then kissed him for a while and they started doing other things together ... I could see her actually wince though as if she just was not attracted to him in the slightest ... she kept turning back towards me and when he put his hand on her leg to get involved she said no and moved his hand off her.
It was all a bit awkward however I was quite enjoying being with her , I looked over at my boyfriend and he looked very angry , I had never seen him like this before!
She then went to the bathroom and he turned to me and said that he doenst want the threesome to continue and that he was going to offer to pay for her cab.
He was very short with me and it was clear he wasnt having a good time so I agreed.
When she came out of the bathroom I was polite and friendly and said it wasnt working for us as a couple and we would call her a cab. I was so embarrassed about my boyfriend's behaviour as he was grumpy now and didnt speak to her before she left. I walked her out to the cab gave a hug and said goodbye.
When I walked back into the hotel room my boyfriend was very cross and said shes obsessed with you! I said to him I'm so confused this is what your fantasy you have said for a long time that you wanted to see me with another woman .I understand she was more attracted to me then him however I couldnt help this.
Anyway his behaviour has now given me the ick and I dont think I want to see him anymore!. We went to sleep that evening and the next morning we went for breakfast he moaned about how expensive the bill for breakfast was ( it really wasn't) I had never seen him behave like this before now.
I offered to pay for it just to keep him quiet and to stop the moaning although it was his turn to pay as we often take turns.
I paid for the breakfast we got up to leave and his whole attitude was miserable. I tried talking to him and he was having none of it , again something I've never seen in him before as we have always communicated well.
By Saturday afternoon I was ready to go home , we had the weekend planned together but something had switched inside me after seeing him like this and I made my excuses and said I needed to get back as my children were coming back early . I made it up but I just had to leave , I couldn't stand to be around him.
I feel like theres no going back from this.
Any advice over what to do please?
Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Mumofteenandtween · 22/07/2024 20:35

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 20:01

Yes I am but just for a chat / lunch during the day ro actually get to know one another nothing sexual :)

If you end up marrying her then you must tell us!

Dominoeffecter · 22/07/2024 20:38

Snippit · 22/07/2024 18:15

A threesome was the death knell for a relative of mine. His wife became very jealous of his interaction with the other woman. He thought it was fabulous and very boastful bout having a threesome, silly boy!!

He’s now divorced,his ex has moved on, literally. She now lives 200 miles away with her new fella and their daughter. Hopefully no more “ménage a trois” for either of them in their new relationships 🤦‍♀️

Move on, at least you haven’t married him and had a child. Hopefully the little one doesn’t learn the reason why her mummy and daddy got divorced 😞

Why the fuck would ‘the little one’ find out Ffs 🤣🤣

Dominoeffecter · 22/07/2024 20:43

courgettes4eva · 22/07/2024 19:38

i can’t imagine the wording!

For someone so morally outraged they’d have to shower for 5 hours if they did such a thing you seem very overly interested..

Thedayb4youcame · 22/07/2024 20:44

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 11:39

Yes we did 🤭🤣 I know it's so random, definitely an experience I tell you!

Not for the hotel staff it won't be random. They'll see it all the time.

Thedayb4youcame · 22/07/2024 20:46

MaidOfAle · 22/07/2024 17:59

So a woman not wanting to have sex a certain way is "rude"? How about considering that it's rapey to expect someone to do things that they don't want to do in bed?

Did the incel alert go out about this thread?

What on earth is "rapey"?

CoffeeLover90 · 22/07/2024 20:51

I'm just here for the update on Threesome Lady. This is the most random romance I've invested in.

I'd hate for Mr Crywank to find out he was accidentally matchmaking.

Iloveyoubut · 22/07/2024 20:52

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 19:58

I'm meeting my new friend this week for lunch for those interested. Weve had a chat over msgs and she said she got a bad vibe from my now ex boyfriend, which i found interesting. She said shes had alot of threesomes and he gave an entitled attitude that she picked up on straight away & said she found me a more attractive person. We are going out just the two of us on Thursday:) I'm actually nervous

If you two end up a couple, I feel personally entitled to know about it! 😂

Neurodiversitydoctor · 22/07/2024 20:54

fluffiphlox · 22/07/2024 10:42

How unlike the home life of our own dear queen.

😂

CCmumsnet · 22/07/2024 20:58

@Cherryblossom85 please report the DM that you are concerned about and we will take a look for you.

Beautiful3 · 22/07/2024 20:59

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 19:58

I'm meeting my new friend this week for lunch for those interested. Weve had a chat over msgs and she said she got a bad vibe from my now ex boyfriend, which i found interesting. She said shes had alot of threesomes and he gave an entitled attitude that she picked up on straight away & said she found me a more attractive person. We are going out just the two of us on Thursday:) I'm actually nervous

That's fab. I hope you have a great date!

Thedayb4youcame · 22/07/2024 21:00

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 19:58

I'm meeting my new friend this week for lunch for those interested. Weve had a chat over msgs and she said she got a bad vibe from my now ex boyfriend, which i found interesting. She said shes had alot of threesomes and he gave an entitled attitude that she picked up on straight away & said she found me a more attractive person. We are going out just the two of us on Thursday:) I'm actually nervous

That's the first time I've ever heard an almost complete lack of sexual attraction towards someone as a "bad vibe". 😆

Mulhollandmagoo · 22/07/2024 21:03

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:48

She wasnt doing all the work at all , I was also trying to involve my partner and she kept turning away from him

Could it be because he was being stroppy and sulky that she was a bit turned off? I agree with others, I think he thought he'd have two women all over him and it didn't work out that way!

The ick is impossible to get rid of once you've got it, so I would end the relationship. Please tell me you got the woman's number at least though??

Mulhollandmagoo · 22/07/2024 21:04

Scratch that last bit, I see that you did get her details!

Thedayb4youcame · 22/07/2024 21:08

Mulhollandmagoo · 22/07/2024 21:03

Could it be because he was being stroppy and sulky that she was a bit turned off? I agree with others, I think he thought he'd have two women all over him and it didn't work out that way!

The ick is impossible to get rid of once you've got it, so I would end the relationship. Please tell me you got the woman's number at least though??

Could be. Or it could be that she'd not told him in advance that it was the lady she really wanted to see. Or maybe she had, and he was hoping it wouldn't matter.

But hey! Of all the outcomes... the OP is now ditching her boyfriend in favour of a woman. Who knew?

Agapornis · 22/07/2024 21:16

Please can we have a post-non-date update 🥰

Welcome to bisexuality, it's pretty alright here :) (when not being harassed by shit hetero men)

PansyPolly · 22/07/2024 21:27

DancingLions · 22/07/2024 20:00

Somewhat off topic but...I am relatively open minded as to what other people do, whilst not being particularly adventurous myself! But live and let live and all that.

But I do cringe at the use of the word "play" in these contexts. To me, playing is something innocent children do and to give it sexual connotations just feels off to me. Surely within our wealth of language, another term could have been found?

I mean yeah in OPs situation her now ex did act like a spoilt brat who didn't get his "turn". But still I don't really like it.

Hmmm… but see also “sex toys”

Play is a well established term and I don’t think you are going to change it now, I’m afraid!

courgettes4eva · 22/07/2024 21:44

Dominoeffecter · 22/07/2024 20:43

For someone so morally outraged they’d have to shower for 5 hours if they did such a thing you seem very overly interested..

oh come on

the op says she felt thoroughly ick about him

im guessing she took a long shower afterwards!

CharlotteLightandDark · 22/07/2024 21:44

Thedayb4youcame · 22/07/2024 21:00

That's the first time I've ever heard an almost complete lack of sexual attraction towards someone as a "bad vibe". 😆

I guess she found him attractive enough from his pics but then was put off by his energy/demeanor/behaviour and didn’t fancy him in person.

sounds like she has good instincts as it does kind of sound like he slightly groomed you into this threesome scenario not for your benefit as a couple but for his own selfish reasons.

Thedayb4youcame · 22/07/2024 21:46

CharlotteLightandDark · 22/07/2024 21:44

I guess she found him attractive enough from his pics but then was put off by his energy/demeanor/behaviour and didn’t fancy him in person.

sounds like she has good instincts as it does kind of sound like he slightly groomed you into this threesome scenario not for your benefit as a couple but for his own selfish reasons.

Nah. My money's on her never liking him in the first place, and only wanting the OP from the get-go.

PansyPolly · 22/07/2024 21:48

Thedayb4youcame · 22/07/2024 21:46

Nah. My money's on her never liking him in the first place, and only wanting the OP from the get-go.

Based on what? You’ve never found someone attractive in a picture but not when you meet?

MaidOfAle · 22/07/2024 21:49

Thedayb4youcame · 22/07/2024 20:46

What on earth is "rapey"?

Sexually coercive.

CharlotteLightandDark · 22/07/2024 21:49

Yeah it happens all the time with online dating of any kind

MaidOfAle · 22/07/2024 21:51

Thedayb4youcame · 22/07/2024 21:00

That's the first time I've ever heard an almost complete lack of sexual attraction towards someone as a "bad vibe". 😆

Does it occur to you that the bad vibe might be the unicorn picking up on the now-ex's sense of entitlement and that said sense of entitlement is what turned her off him?

stormstormystormstorm · 22/07/2024 21:53

Agapornis · 22/07/2024 21:16

Please can we have a post-non-date update 🥰

Welcome to bisexuality, it's pretty alright here :) (when not being harassed by shit hetero men)

This!!!

Dominoeffecter · 22/07/2024 21:55

courgettes4eva · 22/07/2024 21:44

oh come on

the op says she felt thoroughly ick about him

im guessing she took a long shower afterwards!

Edited

Naah, that is not what you said and you know it, have the dignity to own it at least.

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