Threesome went wrong

[Cherryblossom85]

Hi all I'm posting this for a couple of reasons really.
One being I have noone else to get this all of my chest too as I haven't told any friends about it and Two to warn other how a potential threesome could go.

So here goes
I've been seeing a man for about 9 months, he has always treated me very well all the things I had been looking for including No games. Grounded. Mature. Kind . Funny and we have always just clicked from day one.

A couple of months ago we spoke about sexual fantasies his being a threesome, he said he would never make me feel pressured to do this though & was happy for it just to be a fantasy. As time went on I felt more comfortable with him sexually & said I would like to explore this with him .
He was clearly very excited & got to work straight away on joining dating sites & sites aimed for swinging / threesomes.
I left all that side to him as I'm not really into messaging people back & forth.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago he msg me and told me he has found someone, she would like to explore with us as a couple

He sent me the conversation between them and the photos they had exchanged, it was all very open and he said I could change my mind at any time ( which I have felt I can do)
We had arranged to meet her this friday just gone.
The past 2 weeks leading up to it, she is all he has spoken about it was like he was obsessed , i just said to myself well once it is out if his system maybe he wint be going on and on about her so much.
To cut a long story short ... we met her friday evening, I found her very attractive and there was an instant chemistry between us.
We all chatted for a while and then she made it clear she would like to take things further that evening so we booked into a hotel.
The thing is , she seemed very keen on me and was all over me , kissing touching etc. The man I'm seeing was initially into it he then turned and said to her can I join in now and she said no not yet I just want to be with her for a minute , so he respected that.
As things progressed she only wanted me , I stopped and asked her are you actually gay? Or not attracted to my boyfriend? That's ok if either of those things are correct however we were after a threesome, she then kissed him for a while and they started doing other things together ... I could see her actually wince though as if she just was not attracted to him in the slightest ... she kept turning back towards me and when he put his hand on her leg to get involved she said no and moved his hand off her.
It was all a bit awkward however I was quite enjoying being with her , I looked over at my boyfriend and he looked very angry , I had never seen him like this before!
She then went to the bathroom and he turned to me and said that he doenst want the threesome to continue and that he was going to offer to pay for her cab.
He was very short with me and it was clear he wasnt having a good time so I agreed.
When she came out of the bathroom I was polite and friendly and said it wasnt working for us as a couple and we would call her a cab. I was so embarrassed about my boyfriend's behaviour as he was grumpy now and didnt speak to her before she left. I walked her out to the cab gave a hug and said goodbye.
When I walked back into the hotel room my boyfriend was very cross and said shes obsessed with you! I said to him I'm so confused this is what your fantasy you have said for a long time that you wanted to see me with another woman .I understand she was more attracted to me then him however I couldnt help this.
Anyway his behaviour has now given me the ick and I dont think I want to see him anymore!. We went to sleep that evening and the next morning we went for breakfast he moaned about how expensive the bill for breakfast was ( it really wasn't) I had never seen him behave like this before now.
I offered to pay for it just to keep him quiet and to stop the moaning although it was his turn to pay as we often take turns.
I paid for the breakfast we got up to leave and his whole attitude was miserable. I tried talking to him and he was having none of it , again something I've never seen in him before as we have always communicated well.
By Saturday afternoon I was ready to go home , we had the weekend planned together but something had switched inside me after seeing him like this and I made my excuses and said I needed to get back as my children were coming back early . I made it up but I just had to leave , I couldn't stand to be around him.
I feel like theres no going back from this.
Any advice over what to do please?
Thanks in advance

Sorry @Alltheyearround 😀

It is not solely up to the “guest star” to make her excuses. It is up to all the participants to use their words and say if it isn’t working for them. Which the guy did, and they called her a cab - and if he had been adult and shared his feelings with OP instead of blaming her/the guest star for them, there wouldn’t be a thread here. (To @kkloo and a few others)

No, he tried to find another unicorn to do that with. Read OP's updates.

@MildredSauce Nooooooooo. I am not even going to google that.

The name of Black Beauty must be unsullied.

Likewise My Little Pony. Or Pony Club.

There was general outrage at Stallion play on the drama The Jetty (TV addicts forum)

Hey, my real horse was such a tart she’d have done it with Black Beauty any day, any time, anywhere, in the fields of course. She was such a slut. I once had to apologise to one of the geldings owners, she’d backed up to the fence in between them and squirted in his face, he loved it 🙄, he was a little bit sticky!! Too much information? Sorry everyone 🤣

In fact, I would say of all the people in the room, the guest star is the most entitled to put her feelings first. The other two are the couple and should be looking out for each other - hers is the most vulnerable position in many ways.

It doesn’t sound like she or OP tried to dissuade the guy once he said how he felt, and she left “peacefully”. She didn’t do anything wrong here.

@Snippit 😂Mother Nature is a wonderful thing.

Well, at least horses don't get in a muddle with a threesome. I am sure stallions don't go off in a huff and moan about how expensive breakfast is.

At least one would hope not.

As our dear departed queen might say.

Do mares ever get interested in each other for fun?

Anyway, I think the thread may have derailed into equine studies by accident.

Whenever you take the decision to play sexually with a third person (or a couple, or whatever it is) you have to accept that the exact dynamics will be impossible to predict, because of the nature of chemistry and individuals being autonomous beings, etc.

Generalising hugely, but I find that men, in particular, like to "plan" sexual encounters in advance, so can sometimes find the unpredictability of a group dynamic hard to handle.

If a threesome doesn't go quite the way one or other of the couple want, as long as nobody feels their boundaries are violated, it's just one to chalk up to experiences and learn from. It's understandable your boyfriend wasn't thrilled with the way it turned out, but in my opinion he should have been glad you were enjoying yourself, enjoyed the show as much as he could, and afterwards spoken to you about ways you might guard against a similar situation if you decided to try a threesome again in the future (meeting the woman for a purely social meet first maybe, and afterwards checking she was attracted to both of you before proceeding to sex).

Either way, it was pathetic of him to be sulky and rude to both of you, and I think you would be right to ditch him.

But maybe you have learned something about your sexuality here that you might want to explore more in the future, as you clearly enjoyed being with this woman?

Good luck, whatever you decide!

P.s. Horses enjoying some conjugal bliss is fine by me it was the idea of human/pony interaction I was objecting to the thought of!

Just a reminder, the summer holidays have started.

Some classic MN responses to this, miserable buggers. Glad you have got rid of him! You’ll be living with a woman and engaged within 3 weeks if you’re immersing yourself into the lesbian world haha. I’m gay….I am allowed to say that!

block out user name
and screen shot those messages!!!

This is mostly nonsense. Leaving FMF, or FFM out of it (which I agree can easily go wrong) - there's no shortage of love in couples that either swing with other couples, or are open to one or more men joining them at hotwife parties. If it's not something that appeals to you, fair enough. It does appeal to many other very happy loving couples though. Divorce and separations are in fact a lot rarer in the community - for obvious reasons.

Omg. I hope you laughed in his face. What a fragile little dweeb. How embarrassing for him he sees that as an acceptable thing to say to someone. And how lucky for you, you now don't need to be in the vicinity of someone who views you as an accessory to their life

First of all - good for you and make sure you get her number, do some exploring yourself!! Secondly - bin that absolute knob end.

Definitely behaving like a brat-child.
I will say, no totally gay woman would agree to a threesome with a man. It may be that he presented the threesome idea to her that it was his fantasy to “watch" you with a another woman & glossed over the idea he wanted to join in, in order to get her to agree convincing himself he could persuade her to join in. Something doesn’t add up with her reaction here either.
Finding the elusive "unicorn “ is rare & to find one after just a few weeks searching seems unusual at best.

The fact he then sulked, huffing & puffing like a Kevin & Perry episode is hilarious. Personally I’d see this as a huge red-flag. You did everything right after trying to involve him & agreeing to end it mid-point, because he wasn’t comfortable. Now he’s using you as the scapegoat because it didn’t work out & he’s lost his fantasy. They’re called fantasies for a reason.
Communication is key in any relationship, so I’d suggest you say you need to have a calm conversation if you have any chance to move fwd. Then talk to either A.) See if it can be discussed as adults & grow from the experience or B.) to know you tried to discuss it & move on to a someone with higher EQ. You’ll be taking your power back & learn/grow from the experience regardless.

Then if you wish to explore your sexuality you can, either as a single woman or find a man worthy of you. good Luck

Are you the poster who a few months ago was going to dump your bf after he suggested this ?

Why should she? I’ve had similar DMs, I just report them.

i can’t imagine the wording!

I thought you meant the Queen when following on from reading the post before..

No I've always been quite open to the idea of a threesome and havent posted on here about it until my experience this weekend, is it a good thread to read?

by the sound of it, you are now a lesbian, my dear

No she is just exploring her sexuality, one muff does not a lesbian make.

He has now said that he has found someone else already on another dating site who is willing to have sex with him and I watch ....

So he actually wanted you to engage in him getting his own back on you. What is he, fucking ten years old???

Its disappointing isnt it?

Sorry OP, but it's kind of funny. You weren't to know the other female was going to be more into you than him.. you didn't do anything wrong. Your bf is a tosspot who is sulking because things didn't go his way. Dump him & telll him your now seeing the girl from the threesome 😄