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Threesome went wrong

838 replies

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:29

Hi all I'm posting this for a couple of reasons really.
One being I have noone else to get this all of my chest too as I haven't told any friends about it and Two to warn other how a potential threesome could go.

So here goes
I've been seeing a man for about 9 months, he has always treated me very well all the things I had been looking for including No games. Grounded. Mature. Kind . Funny and we have always just clicked from day one.

A couple of months ago we spoke about sexual fantasies his being a threesome, he said he would never make me feel pressured to do this though & was happy for it just to be a fantasy. As time went on I felt more comfortable with him sexually & said I would like to explore this with him .
He was clearly very excited & got to work straight away on joining dating sites & sites aimed for swinging / threesomes.
I left all that side to him as I'm not really into messaging people back & forth.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago he msg me and told me he has found someone, she would like to explore with us as a couple

He sent me the conversation between them and the photos they had exchanged, it was all very open and he said I could change my mind at any time ( which I have felt I can do)
We had arranged to meet her this friday just gone.
The past 2 weeks leading up to it, she is all he has spoken about it was like he was obsessed , i just said to myself well once it is out if his system maybe he wint be going on and on about her so much.
To cut a long story short ... we met her friday evening, I found her very attractive and there was an instant chemistry between us.
We all chatted for a while and then she made it clear she would like to take things further that evening so we booked into a hotel.
The thing is , she seemed very keen on me and was all over me , kissing touching etc. The man I'm seeing was initially into it he then turned and said to her can I join in now and she said no not yet I just want to be with her for a minute , so he respected that.
As things progressed she only wanted me , I stopped and asked her are you actually gay? Or not attracted to my boyfriend? That's ok if either of those things are correct however we were after a threesome, she then kissed him for a while and they started doing other things together ... I could see her actually wince though as if she just was not attracted to him in the slightest ... she kept turning back towards me and when he put his hand on her leg to get involved she said no and moved his hand off her.
It was all a bit awkward however I was quite enjoying being with her , I looked over at my boyfriend and he looked very angry , I had never seen him like this before!
She then went to the bathroom and he turned to me and said that he doenst want the threesome to continue and that he was going to offer to pay for her cab.
He was very short with me and it was clear he wasnt having a good time so I agreed.
When she came out of the bathroom I was polite and friendly and said it wasnt working for us as a couple and we would call her a cab. I was so embarrassed about my boyfriend's behaviour as he was grumpy now and didnt speak to her before she left. I walked her out to the cab gave a hug and said goodbye.
When I walked back into the hotel room my boyfriend was very cross and said shes obsessed with you! I said to him I'm so confused this is what your fantasy you have said for a long time that you wanted to see me with another woman .I understand she was more attracted to me then him however I couldnt help this.
Anyway his behaviour has now given me the ick and I dont think I want to see him anymore!. We went to sleep that evening and the next morning we went for breakfast he moaned about how expensive the bill for breakfast was ( it really wasn't) I had never seen him behave like this before now.
I offered to pay for it just to keep him quiet and to stop the moaning although it was his turn to pay as we often take turns.
I paid for the breakfast we got up to leave and his whole attitude was miserable. I tried talking to him and he was having none of it , again something I've never seen in him before as we have always communicated well.
By Saturday afternoon I was ready to go home , we had the weekend planned together but something had switched inside me after seeing him like this and I made my excuses and said I needed to get back as my children were coming back early . I made it up but I just had to leave , I couldn't stand to be around him.
I feel like theres no going back from this.
Any advice over what to do please?
Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
oakleaffy · 22/07/2024 17:35

BlackShuck3 · 22/07/2024 17:33

"she shouldn't of found you that attractive"
I'd dump him for his grammar😂

Absolutely!

PoopedAndScooped · 22/07/2024 17:37

Dump him

Have you got her number - Sounds like you had fun with her

newyearsresolurion · 22/07/2024 17:38

Mumsnet!!!!!! Hahaha

PaterPower · 22/07/2024 17:44

TBF, OP, I’m not sure you’d have enjoyed it much if she’d been all over him and not letting you join in / making it clear she wasn’t in to you.

Not that it totally excuses his reaction, but all this “poor little duck got his ego stomped on” from PPs is a bit disingenuous. I don’t think anyone much likes getting rejected, particularly in an intimate setting.

KaliforniaDreamz · 22/07/2024 17:48

You should have left with her.

PansyPolly · 22/07/2024 17:49

@PaterPower sure, but refusing to pay for breakfast and sending OP the critical texts afterwards are bad.

Being hurt/ego bruised but talking to Op about it would be different and the STBXP is getting stick for the former, not the latter.

Watchkeys · 22/07/2024 17:51

@PaterPower

Nobody's criticising his feelings. Everyone is criticising his reaction.

TheMildManneredMilitant · 22/07/2024 17:55

LOLing at this ad on this thread. Gives a new meaning to the phrase 'mums on the go'. Too busy cooking to have a threesome? Not any more!

Threesome went wrong
PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 22/07/2024 17:56

MildredSauce · 22/07/2024 16:28

It absolutely is. F version of cuckolding. He wanted to ride her like Seabiscuit whilst you sat submissive in the corner, yearning for the crumbs.

Ride her like a seabiscuit? Is that a common expression?

PansyPolly · 22/07/2024 17:58

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 22/07/2024 17:56

Ride her like a seabiscuit? Is that a common expression?

Like the horse, Seabiscuit. Or Black Beauty, or Red Rum, or... yeah, that's it, that's all the famous horses.

BlackShuck3 · 22/07/2024 17:59

This bloke thought that he would be the winner. 2 women fighting over him, he'd then be getting it on with the other woman and you'd be sitting there feeling left out, jealous etc.
He thought the joke would be on you OP, that he'd be able to use this to crush your self esteem and big himself up.
He was right about the broad dynamics of the situation but wrong about who would be the winner.

MaidOfAle · 22/07/2024 17:59

Lacky301 · 22/07/2024 16:38

It was a fantasy and should have stayed that way. I also don't think blame can just be placed on him. It can't of been nice been left out and I think the woman was rude.

So a woman not wanting to have sex a certain way is "rude"? How about considering that it's rapey to expect someone to do things that they don't want to do in bed?

Did the incel alert go out about this thread?

Watchkeys · 22/07/2024 18:00

Ride her like a seabiscuit? Is that a common expression

Please tell me this was a genuine question @PumpkinsAndCoconuts 😆

Seabiscuit was a well known champion race horse :)

WhatMe123 · 22/07/2024 18:14

Serious case of male ego bruised I'm afraid, poor little fella thought he'd be the star player but in reality she couldn't have given too hoots about him and now he's in a huff. Throw this man child back in I say sorry op

kkloo · 22/07/2024 18:14

MaidOfAle · 22/07/2024 17:59

So a woman not wanting to have sex a certain way is "rude"? How about considering that it's rapey to expect someone to do things that they don't want to do in bed?

Did the incel alert go out about this thread?

She absolutely shouldn't have done anything she didn't want to do.

But if you're supposed to be having a threesome and you realise you're not attracted to one of the people you should bow out.

You're not there to cuck one of the people.

Imagine if she decided she only wanted to touch the boyfriend, fucked him and then left....even though it was supposed to be a threesome. The OP might have agreed to a threesome but might never have agreed to just watch her boyfriend sleep with another woman.

Now of course if the woman started with one of them first and then changed her mind she shouldn't have to go through with sleeping with the other person, regardless of how it makes the couple feel, but it seems like this woman knew early on she didn't want to do anything with him but carried on with the OP anyway.

heathspeedwell · 22/07/2024 18:14

'Ride her like a seabiscuit' has made my day.

OP, my first threesome went much the same as yours, but there have been much better ones since then. People very rarely talk about being bi but personally I really like it and I hope you do too.

I hope this is the start of a whole new chapter of fun in your life.

Snippit · 22/07/2024 18:15

A threesome was the death knell for a relative of mine. His wife became very jealous of his interaction with the other woman. He thought it was fabulous and very boastful bout having a threesome, silly boy!!

He’s now divorced,his ex has moved on, literally. She now lives 200 miles away with her new fella and their daughter. Hopefully no more “ménage a trois” for either of them in their new relationships 🤦‍♀️

Move on, at least you haven’t married him and had a child. Hopefully the little one doesn’t learn the reason why her mummy and daddy got divorced 😞

ItsTheGAGGGGGGGG · 22/07/2024 18:18

This has really made me laugh😂😂 he’s got in a right huff because the two of you weren’t fighting over who was going to suck him off first! What a loser

Andwegoroundagain · 22/07/2024 18:22

@Cherryblossom85 youve dodged a bullet there. Well done for ending that so promptly. I hope you told.him in your reply that thus other lady has since been in touch lol!

TamingofShrews · 22/07/2024 18:26

Hey at least you know you’re hot!

MaidOfAle · 22/07/2024 18:31

kkloo · 22/07/2024 18:14

She absolutely shouldn't have done anything she didn't want to do.

But if you're supposed to be having a threesome and you realise you're not attracted to one of the people you should bow out.

You're not there to cuck one of the people.

Imagine if she decided she only wanted to touch the boyfriend, fucked him and then left....even though it was supposed to be a threesome. The OP might have agreed to a threesome but might never have agreed to just watch her boyfriend sleep with another woman.

Now of course if the woman started with one of them first and then changed her mind she shouldn't have to go through with sleeping with the other person, regardless of how it makes the couple feel, but it seems like this woman knew early on she didn't want to do anything with him but carried on with the OP anyway.

It turns out that cucking the OP is exactly what the now-ex wanted, so it's all worked out for OP in the end.

kkloo · 22/07/2024 18:33

MaidOfAle · 22/07/2024 18:31

It turns out that cucking the OP is exactly what the now-ex wanted, so it's all worked out for OP in the end.

No, that's just an assumption that people made.

If he'd pressured the OP into it I'd be laughing too but sounds like he didn't at all.

Alltheyearround · 22/07/2024 18:35

PansyPolly · 22/07/2024 17:58

Like the horse, Seabiscuit. Or Black Beauty, or Red Rum, or... yeah, that's it, that's all the famous horses.

Oh no no no I'm sorry @PansyPolly I know its an analogy but honestly we have to leave Black Beauty out of this conversation.

It was a favourite book, and the horse had sentient thoughts.
I do not want to imagine the added monologue.

Crossing a moral boundary here.

WiddlinDiddlin · 22/07/2024 18:35

Mm, either he wanted to fuck her whilst you watched, not what you signed up for, or worse... he wanted to see you and another girl doing it, NOT because you really wanted to or were enjoying it, but simply to please him. Which is verging in to the 'reluctant/non-consensual' arena and very ick-worthy indeed!

Anyway, you've swerved a dickhead, you can move on, explore and have fun without a hurty-feelings whiney baby in tow. Good result really!

MildredSauce · 22/07/2024 18:40

Alltheyearround · 22/07/2024 18:35

Oh no no no I'm sorry @PansyPolly I know its an analogy but honestly we have to leave Black Beauty out of this conversation.

It was a favourite book, and the horse had sentient thoughts.
I do not want to imagine the added monologue.

Crossing a moral boundary here.

Pony play. Now we're really diversifying!

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