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Threesome went wrong

838 replies

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:29

Hi all I'm posting this for a couple of reasons really.
One being I have noone else to get this all of my chest too as I haven't told any friends about it and Two to warn other how a potential threesome could go.

So here goes
I've been seeing a man for about 9 months, he has always treated me very well all the things I had been looking for including No games. Grounded. Mature. Kind . Funny and we have always just clicked from day one.

A couple of months ago we spoke about sexual fantasies his being a threesome, he said he would never make me feel pressured to do this though & was happy for it just to be a fantasy. As time went on I felt more comfortable with him sexually & said I would like to explore this with him .
He was clearly very excited & got to work straight away on joining dating sites & sites aimed for swinging / threesomes.
I left all that side to him as I'm not really into messaging people back & forth.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago he msg me and told me he has found someone, she would like to explore with us as a couple

He sent me the conversation between them and the photos they had exchanged, it was all very open and he said I could change my mind at any time ( which I have felt I can do)
We had arranged to meet her this friday just gone.
The past 2 weeks leading up to it, she is all he has spoken about it was like he was obsessed , i just said to myself well once it is out if his system maybe he wint be going on and on about her so much.
To cut a long story short ... we met her friday evening, I found her very attractive and there was an instant chemistry between us.
We all chatted for a while and then she made it clear she would like to take things further that evening so we booked into a hotel.
The thing is , she seemed very keen on me and was all over me , kissing touching etc. The man I'm seeing was initially into it he then turned and said to her can I join in now and she said no not yet I just want to be with her for a minute , so he respected that.
As things progressed she only wanted me , I stopped and asked her are you actually gay? Or not attracted to my boyfriend? That's ok if either of those things are correct however we were after a threesome, she then kissed him for a while and they started doing other things together ... I could see her actually wince though as if she just was not attracted to him in the slightest ... she kept turning back towards me and when he put his hand on her leg to get involved she said no and moved his hand off her.
It was all a bit awkward however I was quite enjoying being with her , I looked over at my boyfriend and he looked very angry , I had never seen him like this before!
She then went to the bathroom and he turned to me and said that he doenst want the threesome to continue and that he was going to offer to pay for her cab.
He was very short with me and it was clear he wasnt having a good time so I agreed.
When she came out of the bathroom I was polite and friendly and said it wasnt working for us as a couple and we would call her a cab. I was so embarrassed about my boyfriend's behaviour as he was grumpy now and didnt speak to her before she left. I walked her out to the cab gave a hug and said goodbye.
When I walked back into the hotel room my boyfriend was very cross and said shes obsessed with you! I said to him I'm so confused this is what your fantasy you have said for a long time that you wanted to see me with another woman .I understand she was more attracted to me then him however I couldnt help this.
Anyway his behaviour has now given me the ick and I dont think I want to see him anymore!. We went to sleep that evening and the next morning we went for breakfast he moaned about how expensive the bill for breakfast was ( it really wasn't) I had never seen him behave like this before now.
I offered to pay for it just to keep him quiet and to stop the moaning although it was his turn to pay as we often take turns.
I paid for the breakfast we got up to leave and his whole attitude was miserable. I tried talking to him and he was having none of it , again something I've never seen in him before as we have always communicated well.
By Saturday afternoon I was ready to go home , we had the weekend planned together but something had switched inside me after seeing him like this and I made my excuses and said I needed to get back as my children were coming back early . I made it up but I just had to leave , I couldn't stand to be around him.
I feel like theres no going back from this.
Any advice over what to do please?
Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Mirabai · 22/07/2024 13:12

The swinger got swung. 🤣

Demonhunter · 22/07/2024 13:12

It's like that episode of Friends, when Susan kept kicking Ross away so he got up to make himself a sandwich 😂

augustusglupe · 22/07/2024 13:12

Oh dear, I don’t think it went as planned for him….🤭

SoreAndTired1 · 22/07/2024 13:15

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@PinkyPonkyLittleDonkey A grown up should have learnt by now not to be narrow-minded uptight bigot living in the 1940s.

Ebeneser · 22/07/2024 13:15

RareLemur · 22/07/2024 11:26

I don't blame you for getting the ick.
The fact that the threesome didn't go the way he had expected and he may have been disappointed is one thing.
The acting like a sulky toddler and taking out on you by being rude, whinging about the breakfast, ruining the rest of the weekend, .... that would make me rethink things.

Absolutely this. It’s understandable that he was upset how the threesome went, but his subsequent behaviour is immature and quite frankly unacceptable. If this is how he reacts to things then as others have said, cut your losses. Be glad he has show his true colours early on, and I bet as the relationship goes and and becomes more established this kind of behaviour will just get worse.

Thulpelly · 22/07/2024 13:17

He sounds like a bit of baby, I’d get the ick too.
He obviously imagined it would be two women all over him, so he’s disappointed/ego is bruised and he dealt with it with a bit of a tantrum.

I don’t think there’s much advice to give OP, you sound turned off by his behaviour (I would be too) and that’s about it.

Naunet · 22/07/2024 13:20

fluffiphlox · 22/07/2024 10:42

How unlike the home life of our own dear queen.

How do you know?

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 22/07/2024 13:22

I think a lot of men get their sexual fantasies and expectations from porn which is just not how its going to be.

He didn't want you or the other woman to have a sexually fulfilling experience without him, it was HIS fantasy after all. He probably assumed it'd be two women on their knees worshipping his masculine penis, giver of sex.

I have had threesomes that worked well but I've found the best was when noone was in a relationship, it felt more like everyone was equal rather than a couple and a guest where feelings can be hurt.

Agree with everyone else though, ditch the man baby (also very repulsed at his lack of care towards the other woman who had put herself in a very vulnerable position) and try a date with the lady, at least she sounds interested in YOU having a good time.

GrumpyPanda · 22/07/2024 13:24

Dump him. And message your date and see if she wants to meet up for a plain-vanilla twosome 😉

HornyHornersPinger · 22/07/2024 13:25

Eeeewwww OP, I've got the serious ick for him on your behalf, sack him off please!
His poor little ego...
🤏🏼

kittensinthekitchen · 22/07/2024 13:26

I'm not even sure I believe this happened, but OMG some of you are complete prudes who really need an orgasm or three.

Watchkeys · 22/07/2024 13:27

kittensinthekitchen · 22/07/2024 13:26

I'm not even sure I believe this happened, but OMG some of you are complete prudes who really need an orgasm or three.

They might not be real either.

forgotmyusername1 · 22/07/2024 13:27

Now tell him you have a threesome fantasy with two men and want to see them at it.

I would love to hear his reaction

Mostlycarbon · 22/07/2024 13:27

I think your boyfriend has really shown his true colours here. If he and the woman were having a great time and leaving you out, and you had got in a strop, ended the night early before he and her were finished and demanded to go home in a taxi, how do you think he would have responded to your behaviour? I think he would have made you feel bad for ruining things and acted like it was all your issue.

He's a silly, immature man with an overinflated sense of his own attractiveness and an inability to see the difference between reality and fantasy. I think you could be having a better time elsewhere.

Otherstories2002 · 22/07/2024 13:28

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Is there a rule I’ve missed that you can only have vanilla sex after kids?

AquaLeader · 22/07/2024 13:30

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'Sweet jesus'??

Your language indicates that you have time-travelled from 1924. Or was it 1824?

bluedelphiniums · 22/07/2024 13:31

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Stop with the judgement. So people aren't allowed to explore their sexual fantasies just because they have children?

Kai125 · 22/07/2024 13:32

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swimsong · 22/07/2024 13:34

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 22/07/2024 11:06

I think it's very rare for threesomes to genuinely work in a relationship, the dynamic is off, if you want a threesome much better 3 people none dating any of the others so you're all there on an equal playing field, purely for the physical experience.

If he's usually great I'd give him a minute, think about how you might've felt if she'd been ask over him and pushing you away and he was loving it. If he comes back in a day or two apologises for his reaction and accepts threesomes are probably best kept as fantasy it might be salvageable

I've had and known of a lot of threesomes that have worked very well - they've all been MFM though.

Thepowerhouseofthecell · 22/07/2024 13:34

This is funny but I think it's wrong of the other woman to agree to a threesome with a couple when she only wanted one of you to touch her actually.

Possibly salvageable but only if you manage to have a really good chat with him about why it all went wrong, and it sounds like he's not up for that.

thecatneuterer · 22/07/2024 13:34

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Words fail me! 'Depraved and debauched' - really? Nope, I'm just so shocked by this ridiculous and over the top reaction that I can't find a response.

AnonymousBleep · 22/07/2024 13:34

The only people I know who've had threesomes (I've never tried one myself, for various reasons, but mainly because they sound too much like hard work) have said something much along the same lines, that there are two people who are into it and one who gets left out. Generally they've ended up with someone getting dumped! They only seem to work if you're not actually really bothered about any of the people involved.

Ifitaintgotnoswing · 22/07/2024 13:34

Hi OP
To be fair ALL of you should have discussed in advance what the expectations were. This is the absolute golden rule with these kinds of things
She sounds a bit like a chancer who deliberately hid her lack of interest in dp so she could get you into bed and you were far to slow to react to it.

He is being a muppet so I’d dump him. I’d wouldn’t be seeing her either.

Moontoboon · 22/07/2024 13:35

See that's the problem with threesomes. The man arranging it, whether its another man or women, imagines himself as the dominant stag who gets to control the narrative.

Thing is, the other person is a real person who has their own motivations and desires and their own things they want to get out of the encounter. They are there for their fantasy, not his.

timenowplease · 22/07/2024 13:36

She sounds nice OP.

I hope you got her number.