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Threesome went wrong

838 replies

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:29

Hi all I'm posting this for a couple of reasons really.
One being I have noone else to get this all of my chest too as I haven't told any friends about it and Two to warn other how a potential threesome could go.

So here goes
I've been seeing a man for about 9 months, he has always treated me very well all the things I had been looking for including No games. Grounded. Mature. Kind . Funny and we have always just clicked from day one.

A couple of months ago we spoke about sexual fantasies his being a threesome, he said he would never make me feel pressured to do this though & was happy for it just to be a fantasy. As time went on I felt more comfortable with him sexually & said I would like to explore this with him .
He was clearly very excited & got to work straight away on joining dating sites & sites aimed for swinging / threesomes.
I left all that side to him as I'm not really into messaging people back & forth.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago he msg me and told me he has found someone, she would like to explore with us as a couple

He sent me the conversation between them and the photos they had exchanged, it was all very open and he said I could change my mind at any time ( which I have felt I can do)
We had arranged to meet her this friday just gone.
The past 2 weeks leading up to it, she is all he has spoken about it was like he was obsessed , i just said to myself well once it is out if his system maybe he wint be going on and on about her so much.
To cut a long story short ... we met her friday evening, I found her very attractive and there was an instant chemistry between us.
We all chatted for a while and then she made it clear she would like to take things further that evening so we booked into a hotel.
The thing is , she seemed very keen on me and was all over me , kissing touching etc. The man I'm seeing was initially into it he then turned and said to her can I join in now and she said no not yet I just want to be with her for a minute , so he respected that.
As things progressed she only wanted me , I stopped and asked her are you actually gay? Or not attracted to my boyfriend? That's ok if either of those things are correct however we were after a threesome, she then kissed him for a while and they started doing other things together ... I could see her actually wince though as if she just was not attracted to him in the slightest ... she kept turning back towards me and when he put his hand on her leg to get involved she said no and moved his hand off her.
It was all a bit awkward however I was quite enjoying being with her , I looked over at my boyfriend and he looked very angry , I had never seen him like this before!
She then went to the bathroom and he turned to me and said that he doenst want the threesome to continue and that he was going to offer to pay for her cab.
He was very short with me and it was clear he wasnt having a good time so I agreed.
When she came out of the bathroom I was polite and friendly and said it wasnt working for us as a couple and we would call her a cab. I was so embarrassed about my boyfriend's behaviour as he was grumpy now and didnt speak to her before she left. I walked her out to the cab gave a hug and said goodbye.
When I walked back into the hotel room my boyfriend was very cross and said shes obsessed with you! I said to him I'm so confused this is what your fantasy you have said for a long time that you wanted to see me with another woman .I understand she was more attracted to me then him however I couldnt help this.
Anyway his behaviour has now given me the ick and I dont think I want to see him anymore!. We went to sleep that evening and the next morning we went for breakfast he moaned about how expensive the bill for breakfast was ( it really wasn't) I had never seen him behave like this before now.
I offered to pay for it just to keep him quiet and to stop the moaning although it was his turn to pay as we often take turns.
I paid for the breakfast we got up to leave and his whole attitude was miserable. I tried talking to him and he was having none of it , again something I've never seen in him before as we have always communicated well.
By Saturday afternoon I was ready to go home , we had the weekend planned together but something had switched inside me after seeing him like this and I made my excuses and said I needed to get back as my children were coming back early . I made it up but I just had to leave , I couldn't stand to be around him.
I feel like theres no going back from this.
Any advice over what to do please?
Thanks in advance

OP posts:
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7
Noodlehen · 22/07/2024 12:46

taylorswift1989 · 22/07/2024 12:12

No, it's a threesome - she's not there as their sex prop. She's a person too. It's about all three of them. She doesn't have to prioritise them because they're a couple. I'd say she should prioritise herself, as she's the most vulnerable.

Seeing her wince and carrying on, though, I agree with hindsight was a bad idea. It should have stopped there, for her sake.

You are right, I didn’t mean my post to come across as it did. What I mean is they went into it as a couple and they both should have been 100% happy and on the same page

OpizpuHeuvHiyo · 22/07/2024 12:47

@fluffiphlox at 10:42 wins the thread.

How it was supposed to go, in his fantasy, was that he watches the two women together as his own private little pornshow bot the two of you find it ultimately an unfulfilling experience for neither of you have a willy and are therefore entirely unable to get any satisfaction. In despair you both turn to him pleading to join in for only then will this have any meaning for either of you. His prowess and manliness is then sufficient to satisfy both of you.

Sounds like you were following the plan reasonably well but the 2nd woman wasn't obeying the script.

TBH I don't think this one is worth keeping @Cherryblossom85. Just the motive behind such a fantasy is ultimately misogynistic. Actually going so far as to try to make it a reality and then getting sulky when it didn't work shows that he's also a petulant child. Your children are grown up and flown the nest, you don't need a new stroppy teenager about the place.

Holdthisgoodweather · 22/07/2024 12:48

fluffiphlox · 22/07/2024 10:42

How unlike the home life of our own dear queen.

What? What does she have to do with this?

WitchyBits · 22/07/2024 12:48

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 12:21

For those who have suggested I msg her , I feel this is a betrayal while I'm still with my partner and deciding what to do however she has messaged me this morning asking to see me, I'm not sure what to do atm I wont be doing anything behind his back however I'm also not sure I ever want to see him again atm!

Go with your instincts. He's given you the ick and you do not need to force yourself to get over this. He was incredibly short sighted and expected to go exactly as he wanted. Call it off today, you don't owe him anything and you do not exist to pander or inflate his ego.

Then message her back. Just go for it. Being with a woman is totally different and for most part a much healthier dynamic. She already showed you she had no problem respecting your boundaries. So go for it!

janeintheframe · 22/07/2024 12:48

Whithersoever · 22/07/2024 12:29

What university do your children go.to that they are only finishing now?

why 0n earth would you want to know what uni her kids are at. This is the oddest question ever, and absolutely none of your business.

Dagnabit · 22/07/2024 12:50

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Blimey, calm down - her kids weren’t actually there! Shower for 5 hours day?! It’s not my cup of tea either but your response is somewhat OTT 😂

Holdthisgoodweather · 22/07/2024 12:50

His fantasy was presumably lesbian sex as a spectator then as someone helping them out.

Except this woman didn't want his help.

yousexybugger · 22/07/2024 12:52

By all means see the woman again but don't overlap. Decide what you want to do first. You've had a 9 month relationship before this.

MounjaroUser · 22/07/2024 12:53

Just out of interest, who paid for the hotel room?

Also, didn't you go off your boyfriend when he was getting excited about shagging another woman?

viques · 22/07/2024 12:54

fluffiphlox · 22/07/2024 10:42

How unlike the home life of our own dear queen.

Well since at the weekend there were revelations and questions about just how much involvement the late D of E had in the Profumo affair, then who knows!

I am sorry OP, the whole thing sounds like a sixties sex romp film that would have been heavy on heaving bosoms and breathing to cater for the gentlemen in raincoats in the third row. Made me laugh anyway, and at least one of you seems to have enjoyed the experience.

MounjaroUser · 22/07/2024 12:54

Holdthisgoodweather · 22/07/2024 12:50

His fantasy was presumably lesbian sex as a spectator then as someone helping them out.

Except this woman didn't want his help.

I thought his fantasy was having two women worshipping his body.

OpizpuHeuvHiyo · 22/07/2024 12:54

@Holdthisgoodweather

It's a well known phrase which is particularly appropriate in this circumstance.

See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_understatement
and
https://wordhistories.net/2019/10/19/homelife-our-queen/

generally used to indicate that a scenario is very much out of the comfort zones that most of us are used to

Watchkeys · 22/07/2024 12:54

@Cherryblossom85

Give yourself a bit of time. This was a surprise for you too, not just for him!

Snugglemonkey · 22/07/2024 12:56

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:41

Just to clarify my children are all grown up and at university (twins) I'm just in the habit of calling them that still.
I lied to him & said they were coming home from uni early for the summer & I need to be there for when they arrive ( they're not actually back until today)
I do not have any small children at home.
I am at a point in my life where I have more freedom and am experimenting after a long boring marriage for 23 years. Please dont judge

You do not need to explain yourself! Anyone judging is the asshole here, not you!

I would listen to that ick though. You saw a side of him that is very unattractive and a red flag.

Queencam · 22/07/2024 13:00

Sounds like he’s been great until the threesome, so I wouldn’t say ditch him.

Fair enough if the reality of the threesome wasn’t what he wanted or had imagined. He could have communicated that better but that’s not that terrible is it?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 22/07/2024 13:01

MounjaroUser · 22/07/2024 12:54

I thought his fantasy was having two women worshipping his body.

That’s what I’d assume, having read the sad story. Two of them all over him….

Dump asap, OP!

sunflowrsngunpowdr · 22/07/2024 13:01

NonPlayerCharacter · 22/07/2024 12:35

If laughing at this is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

lol perfect comment

janeintheframe · 22/07/2024 13:02

Message the woman back, agree to meet for a glass of wine, see how you feel;

for him, let him reach out to you. See how you feel.

MidnightLibraryCard · 22/07/2024 13:03

fluffiphlox · 22/07/2024 10:42

How unlike the home life of our own dear queen.

How do you know??

desperatedaysareover · 22/07/2024 13:04

Maybe you and the poor lass he discarded like a tissue should consider a future together.

Anyway, sounds like his ego couldn’t take the blow (or lack thereof). He’s probably porn-addled, let’s be honest, MFF in porn is basically two women servicing some ‘lucky’ dude and quite often the (probably) straight women do the minimum to one another. I know this isn’t exactly a story you can tell everyone you meet but it’s genuinely quite funny. Sounds like you found out who he really is, lucky you did it before you enmeshed your life with his.

Gettingbysomehow · 22/07/2024 13:05

Oh dear, this is why I said absolutely not when my exH said he wanted to go swinging and involve other people. I knew once these boundaries were broken my life would be miserable.
He went on and on and then decided to go to fetish clubs on his own so that was that goodbye.Bit of a waste of 20 years of marriage IMO.
I will never let a man push my boundaries.
I am ever so slightly amused it didn't work for your boyfriend. Now you have seen the other side of him, which is usually the real side.

fluffiphlox · 22/07/2024 13:08

Look, the old joke is about an onstage depiction of Cleopatra to which someone said it was ‘very different to the home life of our own dear queen’, referring to Queen Victoria. It is a J-O-K-E. And an old one at that.

SoreAndTired1 · 22/07/2024 13:09

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Wow. Such 1940s narrow-minded bigotry, @TheHuntSyndicate . Shame on you for trying to shame a normal sexual activity. Remove the pole from your anus. I bet you're homophobic too.

Mojodojocasahous · 22/07/2024 13:09

Dump the dude, give the girl a call!

ruethewhirl · 22/07/2024 13:11

SoreAndTired1 · 22/07/2024 13:09

Wow. Such 1940s narrow-minded bigotry, @TheHuntSyndicate . Shame on you for trying to shame a normal sexual activity. Remove the pole from your anus. I bet you're homophobic too.

I'd say it's crystal clear they are.

@TheHuntSyndicate that was a disgusting bigoted post.