Threesome went wrong

[Cherryblossom85]

Hi all I'm posting this for a couple of reasons really.
One being I have noone else to get this all of my chest too as I haven't told any friends about it and Two to warn other how a potential threesome could go.

So here goes
I've been seeing a man for about 9 months, he has always treated me very well all the things I had been looking for including No games. Grounded. Mature. Kind . Funny and we have always just clicked from day one.

A couple of months ago we spoke about sexual fantasies his being a threesome, he said he would never make me feel pressured to do this though & was happy for it just to be a fantasy. As time went on I felt more comfortable with him sexually & said I would like to explore this with him .
He was clearly very excited & got to work straight away on joining dating sites & sites aimed for swinging / threesomes.
I left all that side to him as I'm not really into messaging people back & forth.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago he msg me and told me he has found someone, she would like to explore with us as a couple

He sent me the conversation between them and the photos they had exchanged, it was all very open and he said I could change my mind at any time ( which I have felt I can do)
We had arranged to meet her this friday just gone.
The past 2 weeks leading up to it, she is all he has spoken about it was like he was obsessed , i just said to myself well once it is out if his system maybe he wint be going on and on about her so much.
To cut a long story short ... we met her friday evening, I found her very attractive and there was an instant chemistry between us.
We all chatted for a while and then she made it clear she would like to take things further that evening so we booked into a hotel.
The thing is , she seemed very keen on me and was all over me , kissing touching etc. The man I'm seeing was initially into it he then turned and said to her can I join in now and she said no not yet I just want to be with her for a minute , so he respected that.
As things progressed she only wanted me , I stopped and asked her are you actually gay? Or not attracted to my boyfriend? That's ok if either of those things are correct however we were after a threesome, she then kissed him for a while and they started doing other things together ... I could see her actually wince though as if she just was not attracted to him in the slightest ... she kept turning back towards me and when he put his hand on her leg to get involved she said no and moved his hand off her.
It was all a bit awkward however I was quite enjoying being with her , I looked over at my boyfriend and he looked very angry , I had never seen him like this before!
She then went to the bathroom and he turned to me and said that he doenst want the threesome to continue and that he was going to offer to pay for her cab.
He was very short with me and it was clear he wasnt having a good time so I agreed.
When she came out of the bathroom I was polite and friendly and said it wasnt working for us as a couple and we would call her a cab. I was so embarrassed about my boyfriend's behaviour as he was grumpy now and didnt speak to her before she left. I walked her out to the cab gave a hug and said goodbye.
When I walked back into the hotel room my boyfriend was very cross and said shes obsessed with you! I said to him I'm so confused this is what your fantasy you have said for a long time that you wanted to see me with another woman .I understand she was more attracted to me then him however I couldnt help this.
Anyway his behaviour has now given me the ick and I dont think I want to see him anymore!. We went to sleep that evening and the next morning we went for breakfast he moaned about how expensive the bill for breakfast was ( it really wasn't) I had never seen him behave like this before now.
I offered to pay for it just to keep him quiet and to stop the moaning although it was his turn to pay as we often take turns.
I paid for the breakfast we got up to leave and his whole attitude was miserable. I tried talking to him and he was having none of it , again something I've never seen in him before as we have always communicated well.
By Saturday afternoon I was ready to go home , we had the weekend planned together but something had switched inside me after seeing him like this and I made my excuses and said I needed to get back as my children were coming back early . I made it up but I just had to leave , I couldn't stand to be around him.
I feel like theres no going back from this.
Any advice over what to do please?
Thanks in advance

I don’t know what people have mentioned children , completely irrelevant , even if they were young .

I think this is why, sometimes , fantasies like this should stay as fantasies. Either , they won’t live up to to expectations or get messy . Clearly , his fantasy was having two women all over him and not watching you with another woman but being excluded - therefore , it probably feels wrong or dirty to him , if that’s not what he wanted to see - I’m not saying it is wrong or dirty , but for him if that wasn’t his fantasy then it probably just felt as though he was an outsider watching and as it didn’t turn him on it just felt uncomfortable.

Maybe , it shouldn’t have been rushed . You should have both sat and discussed how you wanted it to go and what would be comfortable or uncomfortable for both and then made sure that the other party was on the same page .

Reminds me of a quote from the USA version of Ghosts:
So, like a thrupple, but ... with only two people???

Out of interest, why did you go to a hotel room? Is that part of the thrill?

Exactly this. You can't think much of your partner to want someone else involved in a 'threesome' with the two of you. And although a few posters have been clutching their pearls, I have to say I kind of agree. It's grubby and nasty IMO. And you don't have to be a 'prude' or 'uptight' or 'in need of a few orgasms' to think a 'threesome' is grim af. People are entitled to their opinions FFS. 🙄

What a stupid thing to say, that people are prudish and just need a good fucking and a few orgasms, if they DARE to say they think that threesomes are grim. You're not some kind of special, quirky, edgy, cool girl because you think fucking other people in front of your partner is something you would do (or have done!) And it doesn't make your sex life any better, or any more exciting (than people who have sex with their partner only!)

It would be game over for mine and DH's marriage if he even suggested a threesome. He never would. And I never would. Fortunately, we both love each other too much to suggest anything like this.

@AnonymousBleep And as you and several others have said, someone will ALWAYS get hurt/left out. It's not just about fucking, this is peoples feelings and emotions that are being messed with. Bringing someone else into your sex life with ALWAYS end in tears.

Umm, where would you go with a stranger otherwise? The girl had only just met them so for her own safety, she'd surely not want to go to somebody's house

Dump him but ask for gee number first 😆

A reason, a season or a threesome 🤣🤣🤣

two is company and three is a crowd - you really can rely on the old sayings to have much meaning.

I think the PP has hit on the reason - he thought that you two would be all over him - that was his fantasy, but instead the two of you were getting it on and ignoring him - his ego couldn't take that

the problem with real life is it never plays out in reality as it does in the fantasy

I second getting to know the lass, you said you had a good time with her!

I agree with what previous posters have said, he probably expected that he was going to be the centre of attention, and when he wasn’t, he’s in a boo.

Also, it’s 2024. if people wanna explore same gender sex, let them. Its not a big deal..

he definitely shouldnt have kept trying it on with her when her body language and facial expressions were saying otherwise - feel like that bit has been glossed over...

Oh they're all into it, until they're not!

You are (or were!) a relatively new couple, OP, to successfully navigate the nuances of this kind of sex play. You have to be rock solid and really understand each other and it feels like there were some signals missed and some important questions "not asked". You've got to really drill down (!) on what "good" looks like!

But there was also monumental sulking from your lad, and that's all on him.

It might have been better to start at a club, where you can still play with an element of privacy but you've not got the pressure of "hosting" and there's more graceful exits possible, should it all go awry.

Bin him off and get the other woman's number. And have fun!

Well it was always going to be risky, wasn't it? He thought he was going to live out his fantasy of having two women at once and he didn't anticipate that he'd not get a look in. Well them's the breaks.

Honestly, I don't understand why the fuck anyone does this. The thought of it makes me cringe inside out.

Neutral ground - no one needs to know anyone else's address. No pets, children or anyone elses. Safer for those meeting for the first time. Might be easier for transport, especially if anyone is intending to drink.

OP

Fine that it didn't work out as he thought and he called an early halt, not fine that he got in a massive strop about it with you.

Hindsight is 20/20, but it might have been wise to have gone for drinks as your first date and to see if allll the chemistry was there for a sex-based date.

Perhaps she just wasn't "in to" the guy when they started to get down to it. That happens. She may well have had good intentions, but for whatever reason, she is perfectly entitled to decide "nah, won't bother" at any point during intimacy. Just like any consenting couple can say no at whatever stage they are at, and shouldn't have to explain themselves for just not getting the feeling.

Sounds like she's confident and knows what she likes and what she doesn't. The OP should definitely explore further! Sounds like it could be fun.

Ditch him and go out with her.

I've never had a threesome and never want to but I think the bloke had fairly good reason to be a bit pissed off. Unless he specifically asked to only watch lesbian sex, which I don't think is the case, then he was reasonable to assume he would be included. He set the whole thing up, the OP said she couldn't be bothered to get involved in all of that. So yeah, he did expect to have a "threesome" as opposed to watching a twosome. He would also have expected his girlfriend to defend his interests sooner rather than just carry on enjoying herself. Nothing wrong with enjoying herself but that wasn't the the sole purpose of the mission was it. Sort of like booking a fancy restaurant and then scoffing all the lovely food in front of your dining companion whilst smacking your lips.

😂
Although who actually knows what goes on in a marriage?!

Threesomes only go well with dogs in the park. They don't even go well with the animal higher up the food chain - for example, no self-respecting orangutang or a gorilla would take part in a threesome. They have evolved beyond that.

I'm sorry op but I sniggered all the way through your post.

I love the way this creepy guy insisted on two women in his threesome and it bit him on the bum. Hard. 😂

Ditch him asap. He's a jerk.

And get it together with the woman instead. No threesomes though. They rarely work out well. .

As with most things, Victoria Wood had the right idea:

Maybe the more petulant he got, the less interested she was?

Did he make a sandwich?

You made me spill my coffee laughing at that.