Upset, need help and advice.

[StrawberryFields67]

I've name-changed for this.

Long story short, I have a male relative, in his 70s, who bought a computer a couple of years ago for emailing and listening to music and whatever. He is always running into problems with it and recently brought it to me to 'fix'.

So I took it home, opened it up and saw it. Not just search history but endless OPEN tabs, bookmarks, videos all over the desktop of the most horrible sexual stuff I have ever encountered. Stuff that I suspect might be illegal but I don't know for sure because there's no way I'm putting those god-awful search terms in my history.

I tried to mention this discreetly to a friend, omitting details, and I got the usual "leave him alone", "everyone has needs", "porn is normal" blah blah blah and to just let it go. But I can't because this man is a god damn deviant and I will never look at him in the same way again. I never want to be in the same space. I don't know how in the hell he could hand over a laptop with that EVERYWHERE ON IT and not even care?

I don't event want to describe this but basically, what I saw - it wasn't children. But as far as I'm concerned, it was just as bad. It was the same level of severity in my eyes.

ALso trafficked women being forced into horrible sex acts... with animals. I dread to think. Poor women, poor animals. Some of these acts can really mess a womens body up too.

I wish I had known that there were helplines before I made this thread because I'm quite upset, really, to have posted on here asking for advice on this absolutely foul situation only for Internet strangers to tell me with absolute conviction that I am complicit in abuse and basically no better than someone hiding rape and murder. God almighty.

Have you ever been in this situation? Have you reported someone, followed through a legal process, dealt with the aftermath? It is easy to be brave behind a screen and tell others to 'do the right thing' and damn the consequences, because none of the shit will land on your door when they do. Just look at places like Reddit - the more dramatic someone's situation and the more of a mess they're in, the more people love it. It's entertainment.

I didn't mention his age or health conditions to excuse his perversions. I was just trying to illustrate that he there are other family members enmeshed with supporting him in some way or another, every day, and reporting him affects them as well. What I am trying to do is to weigh up the good that would be done (eg. by reporting this, stopping him accessing it, in some small way decreasing the 'market' for this vileness) with the harm I would need to do in the process and what the likely outcome will be. Which I think any adult with responsibilities and people depending on them would do.

I am not stupid, I have seen cases like this covered in the media and even when CP images are involves most men got away lightly, they did not get a life sentence. They were shamed and slapped on the wrist and sent home to perv again!

If it had been child sexual abuse would you have cleaned his computer and not reported it too OP?

I have actually... was worth it in the end. Horrible to go through but these things are illegal for, reason.

It is going to pull.on. your conscience. Google the relevant helplines and ring them 1st thing Monday unless open now.

I've had to ring emergency socialservices for advice, don't know if that would be fitting here?

Or womens aid anonymously?

OP, dont let the permanently outraged get to you. Yes, old gramps is the definition of a dirty old man (unless he lent the laptop to someone else and they looked not him) and yes animal porn is frowned upon in these parts but other than giving the police a good laugh I doubt they'd do anything other than maybe a caution, and the old fella really doesnt need that. We should also blame the search engines for allowing it through. Like it or not it's actually legal in some parts of America, and probably other parts of the world too and that explains why he was so quick to find it. CP is a completely different matter so no idea why the permanently outraged are bringing that into the mix.

https://www.stopitnow.org.uk/

This website has section on bestiality too and advice regarding it.

It is illegal for a reason. They banned abortion for medical reasons like ectopic pregnancy too. Doesn't make it OK.

Women get trafficked and forced into abhorrent acts for patriarchal pleasure.

Be Team matriarchy... not team patriarchy.

How awful. Hope the helpline gives you good advice. And it would be good to find out if anyone else had access to his laptop...🤔

Wow are you really excusing the rape and torture of animals?

That is an absolutely horrible thing to say, and NOT TRUE. The OP is not 'shamed', it's the relative who should be ashamed.

Come on, this is MN, it's the women we should be thinking about first. The OP mentioned a horse.

Yes but you wiped the evidence before you asked for advice. Therefore you must have made up your mind that you were not going to report what you had found.

I only found the helplines after I read your thread. I googled and I found the information.

Tbh you still don't seem to take the awfulness of what you found seriously. You are talking about pornography which probably does involve rape and certainly involves cruelty to animals.

No I have never been in your situation. I am thankful that I haven't.

I actually thought that by reporting and supplying the material to the police one of the side effects would be to allow them to possibly trace and take action against the producers of the material. And whatever punishment was meted out to your relative he at least would be stopped from viewing the material and it stop him helping to feed the demand for the production of this vile stuff.

I'm not posting any more on this thread. I find the subject - bestiality for heavens sake - and your attitude really upsetting.

Shouldn't have deleted. Complicit in potential abuse.
You don't know the extent of this and the harm that may be done. Who is to say there's not worse content on there??

If there's something illegal that harms a living being it doesn't matter if he's related.

Both sides are abhorrent. Horses doing that to female anatomy cause horrific internal injuries.

Then there are little animals males abuse. Almost wrong, but yes. Team matriarchy all the way?!

I'm with you OP. He's put you in an absolutely awful position. And you've seen stuff you really did not want to see ever. That you can't unsee.
I think if it were me I'd give it back and say wtte "grandad, I assume you did not realise anyone cleaning up your laptop would see your search history/what you've been googling - but you were wrong. You've put me in a really embarrassing position and I'm not happy about it at all. I've cleaned the laptop. I don't intend to have anything to do with it again. Some of what was on there is illegal. Think about that. "

Richard Gere and the hamster?

And OP you are not complicit. You have no blame in this at all.

Not almost, all wrong... typo.

His laptop needs fixing because he's probably downloaded viruses from the sites

Phone 101 for advice

@IdaPrentice the OP has deleted illegal pornography and is repeatedly trying to justify why she isn't going to report the man who has been downloading it. So yes, the shame is also on her.

Absolutely insane number of people slavering to blow up someone else's family. OP, it's completely understandable not to report, and completely understandable to be devastated. Hope you're okay and hoping against hope that someone else used his laptop or there's some other explanation.

The grandad did this.

Sigh.... the world is a sad sad place when men are allowed to get away with crimes like this.

Can underatand ops position. Shame her family wouldn't believe her or be on her side.

Women should be believed and supported... if more of us took a stand instead of pandering to patriarchal society maybe things would change for the better.

You should not have deleted it. End of. And as you don't want to upset the family applecart and report this illegal, abhorrent behaviour, then I don't exactly know what you were expecting by creating this thread!
And yes, you are 100% complicit in deleting illegal pornography to save your grandads "embarrassment". You have destroyed evidence of illegal websites/activity. What is so hard to comprehend about that?
I too also wonder what your reaction would have been if it had been CP he'd been viewing, because I think that is actually a fair comparison to make, despite what you say to the contrary. In your opinion, is it that it doesn't matter, because although revolting, it's "only animals"?
I'm sorry, but wouldn't care about blowing the entire family up over this! And if they're prepared to side with him, then they aren't worth keeping in contact with anyway.
It's people turning a blind eye that keeps this kind of despicable material in circulation and not shut down and prosecutions sought, as they should be.

No one is slavering

But OP has put herself in the worst of all positions by deleting the incriminating material. She's complicit now and she can't unsee any of it or relieve herself of the burden by talking to family or the authorities.

I really feel for her. It's a truly shit position to be put in by a relative but she has made it worse by trying to get herself out of confronting the issue.