Upset, need help and advice.

[StrawberryFields67]

I've name-changed for this.

Long story short, I have a male relative, in his 70s, who bought a computer a couple of years ago for emailing and listening to music and whatever. He is always running into problems with it and recently brought it to me to 'fix'.

So I took it home, opened it up and saw it. Not just search history but endless OPEN tabs, bookmarks, videos all over the desktop of the most horrible sexual stuff I have ever encountered. Stuff that I suspect might be illegal but I don't know for sure because there's no way I'm putting those god-awful search terms in my history.

I tried to mention this discreetly to a friend, omitting details, and I got the usual "leave him alone", "everyone has needs", "porn is normal" blah blah blah and to just let it go. But I can't because this man is a god damn deviant and I will never look at him in the same way again. I never want to be in the same space. I don't know how in the hell he could hand over a laptop with that EVERYWHERE ON IT and not even care?

I don't event want to describe this but basically, what I saw - it wasn't children. But as far as I'm concerned, it was just as bad. It was the same level of severity in my eyes.

What an outrageous and ridiculous false equivalence - does not even deserve a reply.

I think you need to decide what's right for you, but I wouldn't judge you if you just said the computer's broken, destroyed it and never spoke a out it again.

It's what I'd do. If it were child pornography I'd tell another family member and go to the police together though.

Not reporting makes you complicit end of.

it shouldn’t matter who the person breaking the law is, it should be reported.

I can’t believe you’re even questioning not reporting.

Christ what a discovery. I really feel for you. Horrible. One thing I did think was that if you put any kind of filters or porn blocker etc then he might take it to someone else to ‘fix’ and they might recover what you’ve deleted or see what he’s been trying to search for. I wouldn’t want you implicated in any wrongdoing. I have no idea what I’d do in this situation but I think you do need to legally cover your arse.

I don't see what is outrageous about what I said.
Your post said you were prioritising yourself and therefore not reporting this crime. Which is not a victimless crime. I call that outrageous actually.

Inform the police. This is abuse and disgusting.

How is it a false equivalence?

would you think twice if it was children being abused in the videos you saw? Sexually abusing animals is absolutely disgusting and shocking and shouldn’t be pushed to the side.

and just because you didn’t see any videos of children doesn’t mean he hasn’t viewed them before or will in the future.

do the right thing.

Oh I see...now OP is getting a kicking. What a surprise.

OP if I were you I'd leave the thread and ask for it to be deleted. It's not going to be helpful to you, just anxiety inducing.

Sometimes people need tough love. Which is what it is. Do you realise beastiality is a crime and it is illegal to watch in the UK?

Why docyou think that is?

Its all tough love, hoping op comes to right conclusions. Especially if he has children around I his life.

She's not just prioritising herself though. There's the rest of the family too. In an ideal world yes, it would be reported but in reality, let's be honest, the family would be torn apart, people would absolutely shoot the messenger and he would be defended. You know full well what people are capable of covering up for men like this. I wish it were simple too but it's not. She is in an awful position, that this scumbag put her in.

This is the thing... however, he is getting away with it. I wish op hadn't deleted it. Hard situation. I have been ostracised myself for sticking up for sister in bad situation and trying to support her.

Some families patriarchy rules the roost.

Shame men get away with stuff because of this.

It's hard to take a stand. Hope op can be strong .

People must stand up for what is right even if difficult.

The patriarchy at work

All of us silenced because of men

Take the laptop to the police, live without them

Always the way!

I agree with you @Blinketyblinkblank. I wouldn’t think twice about reporting my own father for this, let alone granddad. This attitude of “but what will people think!” Is exactly why people like Jimmy saville got away with his perversions for so long.

You've helped him get away with it. The shame is on you now too. How bad would abuse be before you reported it?

It is illegal, report it.

I agree and I would like to think I would report it. I don't know though because I have never been in that position. I think its easy for me to say.

@StrawberryFields67 have you checked the entire laptop? If that's what he has on his home screen I dread to think what he's tried to hide. Perhaps you could take it to be fixed somewhere, tell them you need them to have a proper look and restore any lost files? Then tell your grandad that that's what you have done. I mean, you could tell him you didn't even bother looking because he's always having problems with it and you thought you would get it properly fixed. Then they would report it.
I dont know if that would work, you could deny all knowledge to your family.

Perhaps you could take it to be fixed somewhere, tell them you need them to have a proper look and restore any lost files?

I was about to suggest the same @lowflyingtitties . OP I’m sure although you’ve deleted the history there is quite a lot that is recoverable there if you’re looking for it. Don’t let him get away with this but I think there are other ways around it.

The guy clearly doesn't have a clue what he's doing with the laptop so its unlikely he's got all sorts of weird stuff hidden in folders. Sounds like he's gone on an animal porn streaming binge and left all the windows open. If you can find this stuff just by typing in the words then you can equally blame the search engines for not hiding it. I dont know why it's not filtered out like thankfully other illegal things are.

This is a good idea.

I'm afraid I'm really quite upset by OPs attitude. It's almost as though she is excusing his behaviour: He is elderly. He lives alone: He has health issues. It sounds as though she is trying to rationalise his looking at this material.

There is help and advice out there for people who are concerned that someone they know, or a relative, is viewing illegal porn. There are phonelines to give confidential advice. At the very least OP should have been seeking expert advice on the situation she found herself in. She could have done this anonymously. But instead she just deleted the material.

She is aiding and abetting his behaviour. She is complicit in the abuse of the animals and the women in this pornography.

I'm not saying it's not a hard thing to do. Of course its a horrible thing to have to do - to report a crime committed by a realative. But often doing the right thing is not easy.

Take it somewhere proper though. PC world, Apple Store etc. You could pass it off as a what is he like, ask them to restore everything and have a good look. A big companies policies would mean they had to report it I'm guessing? The little second hand computer/phone shop would be more likely to have a discreet word with you.

Tell him that the c0mputer is broken because of all the computer viruses he has got from looking at disgusting illegal porn.
That you don't know why he gave it to you with all that stuff open for you to see, and you don't want to see him anymore

Jeez. Women potentially trafficked; animals being raped. You surely know what you need to do.

I'm sorry that you have experienced this, OP. I can understand it is very difficult for you so I hope you are ok whatever the decision is going forward.