Me again-8 husband shaming me for history continued

[Wafflepies]

[[https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5120486-husband-being-nasty-about-my-past?page=14&reply=136908235 www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5120486-husband-being-nasty-about-my-past?page=14&reply=136908235

It's me again with another new thread and new username. Have linked previous thread above.

I doubt he'd google my username but still felt I couldn't carry on speaking incase.

He isn't angry with me for starting the thread
But extremely defensive about the comments.

I didn't refer the op either I just put the truth hurts. You could of asked what did i mean instead of the full attack but I understand that there are plenty of trolls on here so instead of it going on longer than it needs to. It's the safety of the poster that's more important..

Didnt realise i had to put this is for the husband, and you didn't have to tell me I need to pay people that was uncalled for tbh

Oh I see you're not the op of that post, but are ganging up, saying I should apologise for misinterpreting a post that; was totally open to misinterpretation.

Which is presumably why it's been reported and deleted. And not by me.

No, that doesn't need an apology.

Learn to post more clearly.
(And be aware incels post regularly on this site).

Well he's a revolting misogynist incel who thinks of women as disposable sex objects and he's seeking to shame you and denigrate you about past relationships. I wouldn't be prepared to tolerate any form of misogynist abuse from a partner and you wouldn't want your daughter or sister or friend or any other woman putting up with being abused like this so why do you tolerate being treated like this by him. You don't have to live like this....

This.

Op, given that you've been forced to defend random young women he's not related to, on the street against his misogyny; you shouldn't be surprised that you're on the receiving end of it regularly at home.

And to top it off, his reaction to you having to defend that young woman ... Was anger.

I'm wondering how your possible it is to change a brain like your h's.

Thing is, I’m not sure that the OP isn’t also messy and loves to catch drama so maybe they’re a good fit? Over 300 posts in the previous thread that were almost unanimous and she starts another thread - not for support because she wants to leave him but just to add more voices to the chorus. Hard to know what’s genuinely motivating this thread.

Well that's a nasty thing to say

At the point I would just have to stop engaging with him or trying to defend yourself.

There is zero logic to any of his arguments and this highlights it perfectly. He just doesn’t seem too bright at all to be honest. I think him calling a teenager slutty would have been the start of the end for me.

I hope you manage to get some time alone or with good friends and family to decide your next move.

I would suggest that unless this man accepts he has some changes and apologies to make and starts some serious counselling (on his own) about his issues with women, then he is never going to make a good enough husband and father for your family.

💐

I had loads of replies I hadn't responded to.
I couldn't carry on with the previous one for obvious reasons.

If people no longer want to provide their opinions then they don't have to.

I can't talk to anyone in real life about this at the moment. I thought this was here for support.

What else would I want and why in the world would I like drama?

I've found this all very upsetting actually and it's easy to say just leave him.

Maybe I will. I'm not happy about his behaviour at all. But I love him still, we have kids, he didn't used to be this way.
He says things which confuse me and maybe he's doing it on purpose but it makes it difficult. That's why the opinions I receive on here are very helpful to me.

If you think I'm going on too much then fine. People are responding, which I appreciate, so I don't see the problem

I thought it was a nasty post too op.

Plenty of people here are happy to keep discussing this with you

Especially given he is still trying to gas light you about what is normal.

I honestly think in this case that there isn't any point in engaging with him regarding his sickening attitude to women. He's a revolting misogynist toad and he's not going to change. His attitude makes him a risk to your safety and any other woman unfortunate enough to encounter him. Incels can progress from extreme misogyny to being violent.....please don't ignore the warning signs he's showing here.

And good luck trying to find someone who meets his unattainable ideals, it'll be a sad lonely single life for him
He'd have to travel back in time to find someone who meets his silly expectations!

Thank you so much. I really do appreciate all the comments.
That's the thing. When it's just me and him speaking, he can somehow convince me that he is right and I had something to be ashamed of and anyone in his position would be angry..that's what he tells me. And he's convincing. Even though deep down I know it isn't right.

So hearing you all tell me it isn't okay helps me massively. I need some strength to stand up to it and even end it possibly and this is really helping me.

Nasty people can pretend to be nice and normal sometimes. But normal people don't behave in the vile way he has, ever.

That how you know who the real him is.
There are things he has done and said that normal decent people NEVER would.

That's how you see through any fake nice guy crap he pulls from now on.

He's not a nice guy. Don't be fooled.

And love? Choose love for yourself and walk away from bad men.

For god's sake OP, how can you be with a man who thinks that you belong to him, and always had, even before you met?

The thing is you don't need strength to 'Stand up to it'. Telling a lion it's a lion and it needs to stop chewing on your leg - is completely pointless.

Don't waste your breath.
Find strength to leave.

My post was perfectly clear

You know it would be so nice if he'd appogised for calling me a slut.
If he read this and said you know what I have been out of order..or even just explain his insecurities or whatever.
But instead he's on the defense saying everyone was wrong and biased...
He was very annoyed about being called controlling and a misogynist...says that's absolutely not true.
It's pretty controlling to manipulate me into taking pictures because I did it for someone else though..quilting me about it.

I know I may be repeating myself. It's very hard to just say no, I'm leaving. But honestly it's true that if anyone else told me their husband was saying these things I'd tell them to leave. It's so hard. I don't want to be treated this way though. With someone with these opinions. Our daughter possibly in the future saying these things to me.

And even now I've spoken to him. He didn't apologise.

Just said he doesn't really watch that stuff ect..downplayed it all.

Please stop showing him your mumsnet threads. It's not healthy

I haven't shown him anything.
He went through my phone in secret and I had my previous thread up and he told me he'd read it.
Hence me starting a new one with a new username ect.
He won't be reading this one. He won't keep checking to see if I've made more threads ect.
And I'm not going to stop using mumsnet incase he finds it and reads it now. I'm allowed to talk about this. I told him clearly it has upset me and I need to talk about it

I hope you keep posting OP, even if it's just for your own clarity and sanity check. You have done NOTHING wrong. Please keep this in mind, you are strong and I can understand you not wanting to throw your marriage away, split the family up etc. Even though he is the problem, not you.

If he carries on, just ignore him like he's a toddler throwing a tantrum. Don't engage with further discussions with him about it. You've said all you need to say. If you ignore his outbursts he will get bored of bringing it up eventually.

Ok fair enough you seem aware of your situation. Stay safe. And more power to you. I hope you find the strength to leave him.

OP I'm a survivor of male abuse.

It doesn't matter what he thinks of you posting on MN. It doesn't matter what he thinks of the responses. It doesn't matter what his warped opinion on your past is. It doesn't matter whether he apologises for his vile remarks. It doesn't matter whether it not he is angry about being called a misogynist.

None of it matters.

All that matters is that you need to leave this awful man. For your sake, and the sake of your family. Please contact Women's Aid https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

Be very careful about what you post on here from now on. If you never update the thread, that's fine. He'll be watching you like a hawk and will be at his most dangerous as his control over you slips. Wishing you all the courage you need to escape him.

He's going through your phone.. he calls you a slut. He's coercively controlling you. He's abusing you...please OP contact women's aid. You absolutely don't have to put up with this for another moment

Have you at least put a passcode/thumbprint/face recognition lock on your phone now?

She didn't.

RTFT.