Oh god it’s so wonderful to be seen! But also so maddening that other people are having to go through this as well.
@Daftasabroom the purchase of the fairly cheap workable phone which has the features you need. Normal healthy relationship: oh good,
we have what we need and it didn’t cost a lot
vs. ASD partner: you only bought this to undermine ME!!!!! (I’m sorry I’m not in a very charitable frame of mind right now. I do understand that not all ASD partners are like this of course). Four days of stewing over this is obviously ridiculous. I feel your pain 100%!!
@MetooOP sometimes I think we are married to twins! Mine doesn’t want a solution. He wants what he wants. His needs trump mine or anyone else’s. So silence in the busiest room in the house is perfectly reasonable simply because it’s what he needs. Ergo it is reasonable. Sometimes I think the thought process goes like this: I need, therefore it needs to be done. And not, as other people might think: I need, therefore we will all need to balance the conflicting needs of everyone in this scenario.
@Bunnyhair i have a theory about a certain type of ASD. My dad is the same. They actually like being around people. They like the fact people are immediately there for when they want to read out things or engage in a conversation. I don’t know about your DH, but I’ve noticed with both my DP and my dad that they like to plant themselves in the middle of everyone else. They like feeling like they’re part of the family. Which I understand. But do it in entirely inappropriate ways. So my dad will bodily place himself in between two people who are in conversation. Just sort of insert himself into their talking space. So they can’t see each other. And then let out a huge sigh to prevent them from hearing each other. And then when they stop talking in abject amazement at what he just did, will just start talking about himself. He loves being in the middle of people, he wants so desperately the human connection. But he doesn’t know how to go about it.
DP I think wants to be in the central busy part of the house so he can be in the thick of it, but at the same time he only wants it on his terms. He wants the opportunity to engage when people come into the room as he gets lonely. But he doesn’t want the noise. So they need to do things his way and be quiet. Unless he wants to engage them. Which he will do at will. Usually when work is quiet and he’s a bit bored. Alternatively he will just walk into my office and start talking at me, even though I’m deep in a spreadsheet and obviously very busy. He can’t read that situation so will just keep talking until I respond. If I say, I’m a bit busy, he will huff and walk off.
Everything according to his needs at his time of choosing. Anything else is people oppressing him.
How did I end up here?! Sad sigh….