Morning! I haven't been on here for a while but read regularly and nod along with you all. The PDA and refusing to cooperate is all very familiar. I'm very 'Mrs Grey Rock' as we've been married forever and to be honest, I can't be arsed with him most of the time.
Today, I am raging. Absolutely steaming. DH is 60 and has never been diagnosed, but we now have four adult children who have been (the last one very recently) and you only have to look at DH and his family to see which set of genes it came with. He heavily masks with 'outsiders' and would NEVER drop his guard outside the house, so a diagnosis is out of the question. He does agree that he has it though.
We have three adult DC at home, two working and one at university. Last night we had rare evening where the two oldest were out working so just me and youngest, who unexpectedly asked if we could watch a particular classic movie. He's usually in his bedroom so I was thrilled and we set up camp in the livingroom with pizza! DH, who now spends most of his time in bed, both when working and relaxing, surprisingly came down to join us.
First DH starts playing Instagram reels with the sound turned up (it's an ongoing issue - he won't wear headphones but most of his leisure time is spent watching reels on his phone, one reason why I don't complain he's upstairs in bed all the time!)
Once he is asked to turn the sound off so we can watch the film (very directly as he doesn't respond to hints etc ) he huffs and watches his phone in silence.
After pizza is finished, I ask DS to pause the film as I have made his favourite chocolate pudding as a surprise. DH looks up and says, I ate all those earlier. I said, hold on, those five special chocolate puddings? He says, shut up! Don't make a thing about it! It's not my fault! How was I supposed to know? You should have told me! Shut up, shut up, I hate you! (He is so much like a hormonal teenager...)
He has t2 diabetes but the female nurse telling him that he can't eat too much sugar was like a red rag to a bull. I couldn't believe though that he saw five special cream and chocolate puddings in the fridge and just ate them all.
I dropped the subject as it's pointless to argue with him, and we carried on watching but he was obviously annoyed that I'd mentioned the puddings at all as he started commenting on the film, giving away spoilers. When that didn't get a reaction, he then just blurted out the ending... DS was furious (remember, it's a big deal that he even asked to watch it!) and DH was just repeating 'What? I didn't say anything? What?'
I said to DH, I can't believe you did that! That's such a horrible thing to do! Why don't you just go upstairs and watch telly if you are bored?
He jumped up, pointed his finger at me and snarled, I should give you a smack in the face! (He wouldn't, he says it when he's angry but will deny it afterwards)
He went upstairs for ten minutes, came down, threw himself on the sofa, and the film finished without incident. DS and I discuss for ten minutes, take the plates out into the kitchen, and DS disappears upstairs. A minute later he's back downstairs to say, Mum, look at this.
When DH had gone upstairs earlier for ten minutes, he had obviously gone into the family bathroom and sprayed it with urine... the cupboard, the floor.. everything. Presumably because I'd asked him not to spoil the film and he wont be told anything.
The worst thing is, our youngest has contamination OCD and has had lots of therapy to help him cope, and this is one of his nightmares. He was sobbing, as he was so worried he'd stood in it. DH appeared, smirking, and shrugging it off with a 'wasn't me! How do you know it was me? Did you do a dna test?'
I then had to spend an hour cleaning and steaming the bathroom and the carpet and calming our son down, while DH bobbed about denying it, blaming the dog, telling me I was making too much of it, threatening again to smack me in the mouth...
I made him sleep in the spare bed and I can't even look at him this morning. He is going his usual thing of moving forward and refusing to discuss it.
Sorry it's long, I just have no one else who would understand! I have taken away all the demands that I can over the years, let him decompress in bed, like Grandpa Joe from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, he has the life of a bloody little princess, and we still get these horrible pushbacks! And yet he'd be devastated if I left - he is properly disabled as he can't engage with outside life at all.
He is conceding this morning that it 'could' have been him, by 'total accident'. Although that's another lie - he knows and I know, and worst of all, youngest DS knows, that it was purposely done out of malice and spite.
And he complains all the time that no one wants to do anything with him, or spend time with him. That I'm not a real wife to him. Not a mystery, is it? Look how he spoiled the only evening we've spent together in weeks...
Also, one last thing, I remember being told by one person (invader?) on here years ago, that autistic people literally cannot lie... (presumably only if it serves their purpose. Maybe that doesn't count as lying 
) Every time I think of that poster, my blood boils 