Husband went to brothel says he’s innocent

[Hesatwat]

Husband has admitted he went to a brothel while on a lads holiday and that he didn’t realise it was a brothel and he just sat on the slot machines gambling. Said brothel doesn’t advertise slot machines but after scouring comments online say there are a couple in there. He is outrightly denying doing anything. He’s never cheated before. Says him and his mate just went to gamble. Says there were no women in that room. I want to believe he’s telling the truth but honestly how dumb can I be to stay with him now? Just to add he didn’t tell me I found out he had taken a taxi to the exact location of brothels with nothing else in the vicinity. Anyone else dealt with similar? What would you do? He is quite convincingly denying everything

Hmm I imagine that they’re both covering for each other then. It doesn’t help much that their stories aren’t solidly the same either. I’m sorry OP, none of it adds up. Surely once he realised he was in a brothel he ought to have left, not spent 3 hours there playing on two slot machines.

So a guy who has racked up £££ in debt through his gambling problem is swearing blind that he WAS gambling. Most gambling addicts would try to hide it. The reason he is trying to tell you that he spaffed £400 on gambling is because he is trying to hide a truth that is even worse: he was paying to shag a likely trafficked and abused woman.

People get a taxi to go to a specific place. Nobody gets a cab to a brothel to play slots. If they want to do that, they get a taxi to the casino.

If, in an unlikely turn of events they had mistaken the brothel's name for a casino and the cab driver didn't correct them () they would get back in a taxi and go to an actual casino, because nobody who wants to go to a casino is satisfied to spend 3 hours and £400 on one or two slot machines.

I do get your point although asking a compulsive liar to swear on a child’s life won’t affect them because they lack the normal empathy that someone Who would be affected by this question has. For example if someone did this to me I would struggle to answer it as it would affect me emotionally. Him not so much.

On what planet do you think I bet those brothels have slot machines and get a taxi over there? He was looking slots alright but not those kind of slots.

Yes I know what he was saying.
Actually I agreed with quite a lot of what you said in your post. It was just the last bit about the deal breaker.
And yes I see that OP has moved on in her thought process. Horrible situation for her.

😂 oh god that made me laugh

But… why would you go to a brothel when there are proper exciting casinos near your hotel?

Because you really, really want to sit at one of two slot machines for three hours, and spend £400…….. yes that sounds real bullshit.

First, he’s a compulsive gambler.
Second, he’s a lousy liar.
Third, as a gambler he’ll have a sixth sense for find places, legit or not, to place a bet. A brothel is whole other issue.
Fourth, he’s a liar.

Fifth….oh need I go on.

@Hesatwat can you see yourself having a clear bright future, with no nagging doubts, with this man?

Please don’t have children with him, as he’ll take that as his pass to do as he pleases. If you do have DC, how much do you want to put them through?

Get an STI check for your own piece of mind - be sure of your own health & wellbeing first of all, put yourself first.

Then it’s his turn to take a test & you go with him to the clinic…that’s right, present him with consequences of his actions, i.e. that what he does affects you. Let him be embarrassed/ashamed/whatever, he affects your life so you have a say & if he wants to stay with you, then these are the first steps for him to take.

If you stay with him or not, ring fence ALL your assets.

PUT YOURSELF FIRST.

Both are obvious dealbreakers to me, but in many ways you should consider the gambling problem to be even more of a deal breaker than cheating. A broken heart is healable, and most (not all) STIs are treatable, but being married to or even just living with a problem gambler can wreck your credit score and wrack up tens if thousands of pounds of debt that you are potentially liable for, and will be paying off for years, potentially decades into the future. It's a HUGE red flag and you need to extricate yourself from him financially and logistically before he financially breaks you.

So in as place that would not have had a change booth to give him change to play on slot machines, he is expecting you to believe he just happened to have loads of change on him to put in slot machines so he stayed there?

Good point

No one spends 3 hours playing 2/3 slot machines. He is lying.

I really really love noodles 🍜 but I'll tell you what even if they had soft thick egg noodles, with kimchi garlic mushrooms 🍄 tender stem broccoli with large wild caught king prawns and 2 large yolky eggs 🥚 if its in a brothel I'm not going in mam I'll go head in another direction lol

Well this is enlightening

Wow what a ridiculous lie he has come up with. So this 'group of lads' gave him a specific street address (or name? if so what?) of a place (they didn't tell him it was a brothel... so what kind of place did they say it was in this fantasy story?) in the middle of the red light district with nothing else around that had such amazing slot machines he felt compelled to visit and try them out? This makes no sense at all. It's laughable. He should be embarrassed with not being able to come up with a better lie than that. Though I suppose with the taxi receipts he is a bit screwed, what on earth could he say?

Get him to take an STI test at the very least.

Slot machines? No. He paid for sex.

I mean most people Google a place before going and getting a taxi there, and if it was all innocent he'd have just told you. It just seems obvious he's a liar to me

Yes! He'd of said funny story I accidentally went to a brothel I was mortified ( that's what I'd of said after a massive error like that.

If it walks like a duck and quake's like a duck. It's a 🦆.

I doesn't make any sense for him to go to a brothel to gamble rather than a casino.

I'm not commenting on the rest because it feels like there is a lot more going on here but as someone who likes casinos:

• casino slot machines all take notes these days. You don't need coins and some take cards.
• you can easily get through £400 (euros, whatever) in 30 minutes if you were playing one of these machines compulsively and not winning.
• don't underestimate how much the establishment makes from these machines. Comments about the brothel not being happy with someone playing a machine for 3 hours are incorrect in my view.

You've already got plenty to know what you need to do.

Also, the stupid lies don't even stack up:
Got a taxi directly there - well, you didn't think it was a casino then, did you, cos you had to look it up online first?
Oh, arrived and it's not just a casino - you'd leave immediately if you wanted a casino, or if you just had any respect for your partner, or women in general.
(Side note with the gambling problem, for which there are red flags anyway)

And a matter of basic respect and equality in a relationship: what would he say if you'd done the same thing? He'd be furious, hurt and feel betrayed? Right. So he knew perfectly well how it would affect you, and just didn't care.

You know what you need to do, and from your other comments, it sounds like there are other issues and you've known for a while ...

Good luck!

I completely agree with this and is my experience

So if it was me I would have messaged you and told you about my night. And it was a brothel but I played slots. I actually remember getting a tap on the window on my car in a rld in Bristol when I had stopped (was there for work) which I told my wife about as I thought it amusing.

it could be true. I was on a stag do with 15 others and we ended up in a lap dancing place. I was one of the few that didn’t take part in anything and just had a drink until we got thrown out due to groom being too drunk. So you can go along with majority and not partake.

but, a brothel is one thing, a long taxi ride… I would want to know where I am going and why so while I hate all this kick him out talk (innocent till proven guilty) it doesn’t look good from my end.

This only works if the person who is lying has ANY type of belief that they could cause harm to their children if they swear on their lives, and it's a lie.

This guy is a compulsive liar, with a gambling issue, and a lot of debt, who frequents brothels.

I'm pretty sure he'd swear on his own life if it served him in that moment.

I think even if you take his word for what happened, do you really want to be married to a man who is has a gambling problem, has lied, and put you in debt and is generally all round shit, plus is that thick in the skull that he can end up in a brothel blowing £400 on slot machines because some strange men he's met want to pay to fuck women in the adjacent rooms, without even really knowing why he's there?

It wouldn't be for me OP. I want more for you, and I don't even know you.