Husband went to brothel says he’s innocent

[Hesatwat]

Husband has admitted he went to a brothel while on a lads holiday and that he didn’t realise it was a brothel and he just sat on the slot machines gambling. Said brothel doesn’t advertise slot machines but after scouring comments online say there are a couple in there. He is outrightly denying doing anything. He’s never cheated before. Says him and his mate just went to gamble. Says there were no women in that room. I want to believe he’s telling the truth but honestly how dumb can I be to stay with him now? Just to add he didn’t tell me I found out he had taken a taxi to the exact location of brothels with nothing else in the vicinity. Anyone else dealt with similar? What would you do? He is quite convincingly denying everything

Could tell him you had an STI check and is there anything he wants to be honest with you about. You could lull him into thinking you're open to listen if he's honest.

It sounds as if the one thing keeping you in this relationship is that at least he doesn’t cheat at least I can trust him with that and keep my family together. But does that matter anyway it sounds as if he doesn’t give you any support emotionally or financially anyway and ending it is the way forward

as an aside yes he went to a brothel

It would be really shocking to find out that he had used a brothel I’m sure. But there’s no way he’s not lying.

A lot of the blokes I know have bottled it when it came down to it when at a brothel, so it's by no means a guarantee that he's been with one. He MAY have just played the machines, but you know him the best.

And you know this because..........?

er...I was there. I am a bloke.

what it comes down to is hes lying still an gambling

So you didn't take a taxi there and stay for three hours?

@Hesatwat I just snorted as I’ve seen your username. Very apt.

If you assume he accidentally stumbled into a brothel and sampled the lemonade, peanuts and gambling machines - you still are married to a man who gambles and lies. He thinks it’s okay to lie when it suits him. Honesty isn’t a value of his.

If that is a dealbreaker the rest doesn’t matter. Get legal advice, get the papers drawn up and then tell him. It saves listening to his whingey lies and sobbing in the meantime - when he realises living alone means less money to gamble with. Although he will probably move into a low paid female relatives house and sponge off her.

He’s not your friend so do what is right for you and keep your cards close to your chest. Plus book that STD test and keep away from him.

All the best op. You sound like you are coping okay - but try and get real life support and if you are coping I would get legal advice on the sly before you do anything else. Honesty isn’t something he believes in anyway so he should be okay with that.

To be honest I’d not find this very reassuring personally. I think the intent is pretty bad.

tell him to stop being a prick - blokes don't go to a brothel to play on the fruit machines and how thick does he think you are?

He can chat shit all he likes, but it just takes him look pretty stupid, its not like he didn't know where he was going when he went there and how the fuck would he know they have fruit machines to play on unless he'd been before

Presumably prostitutes are cash only too...

As heaven 17 said in Temptaion, " put your dime in the hot slot" and I'm guessing that's exactly what he did. And maybe used a slot machine while there. But ultimately this isn't THE thing, it's the last and final thing in a list that sounds long. You know what to do op.

My ex swore on your kids lives he never cheated when I had physical evidence (photos) that he had. I wouldn't rely on this!

Where did he go to on holiday?

How lucky was it that when he and his friends walked into the brothel they found it had slot machines! I bet they did nice coffee too.

Phew, whatever would he have done if they said “Oh, sorry mate, this is a brothel, we don’t have slot machines here.” They would have had to put their coats and scarves on and go back out into the cold and rain, avoiding the hail storm and lightning strikes, searching high and low for an elusive taxi to ferry them away from temptation.

Unfortunately it's not just about the brothel is it.

You say he's a shit husband and father, he lies, he gambles, he goes away on boys weekends far too often, he stays out late far too often.

I think you know what you need to do. If not for yourself, for your children. You say love is blind, it's desperately sad that you love someone that has no respect for you or your children.

I’m sorry OP. He’s a gambler and a liar and a cheat.

You could and will do so much better.

Kick him out. Enough is enough. And get an std check.

So let’s think about what we know:

• OP says relationship pretty bad
• her OH gambles
• he has taken out additional gambling debts
• he took out €400 for gambling, drink (maybe prostitutes
• he went to a brothel allegedly to gamble.

What we’re not sure about:

• sex with a prostitute- he was in a brother but we don’t actually know whether he paid for sex.

I think what you know is enough to end the relationship. The sex with prostitute thing is the tip of the iceberg.

Does it matter? The gambling problem is enough to leave him for. The fact that he almost definitely cheated on you with prostitutes is just the cherry on top.

Try and get some therapy also so you don’t repeat this experience. Too often women set their boundaries so low. Often they don’t think they are worthy of good treatment and real love and kindness.

Work on yourself. Spend all your energy now on becoming stronger mentally about who you are and what you want. And what you don’t want. This is so important and will define your future and your happiness. Please do get some help.