Husband went to brothel says he’s innocent

[Hesatwat]

Husband has admitted he went to a brothel while on a lads holiday and that he didn’t realise it was a brothel and he just sat on the slot machines gambling. Said brothel doesn’t advertise slot machines but after scouring comments online say there are a couple in there. He is outrightly denying doing anything. He’s never cheated before. Says him and his mate just went to gamble. Says there were no women in that room. I want to believe he’s telling the truth but honestly how dumb can I be to stay with him now? Just to add he didn’t tell me I found out he had taken a taxi to the exact location of brothels with nothing else in the vicinity. Anyone else dealt with similar? What would you do? He is quite convincingly denying everything

Love is very blind OP but you cant turn the other cheek to this behaviour even if it doesn't spell the end of your marriage. If you don't give your husband a hard time over this, if you are planning on staying he will think it's ok! It's really not ok no matter what twist he tries to put on the tale. He's a grown man, and he made a choice, it wasn't a mistake!

I'd be questioning why he was there? Nobody goes to a brothel to gamble! That's what casinos are for! Also he was there for 3 hours? On the slots? I may be sceptical but I wouldn't believe my husband.

the innocence would be in going not realising it was a brothel and then leaving straight away!

I think an STI check is a good idea. Keeps you safe, if he has done anything. Also the fact you have found multiple debts, can he really be trusted anyway?

The future of your marriage and how you move forward is up to you and your husband but I'd question if this is the life I would want for myself and any children you may have!

Sorry to hear that. Hope you find the strength you need. Good luck.

gambling has stopped for years but likely restarted recently again. And gotten extremely out of hand. I guess it’s less personal as it’s an addiction isn’t it? Cheating is a personal betrayal so each are different but equally as harmful in a relationship and to trust

Ask yourself what you would do if you accidentally found yourself in a brothel after attempting to get to your nearest gala bingo/coffee shop/whatever it is you do with your friend…..if your answer is, we’ll I may as well stay forgive him and forget about it.
if your answer is leave immediately and tell my husband and everyone I know this hilarious story of accidentally ending up in a brother instead if whethwrspoons…. You need to stop kidding yourself and accept you husband has paid for sex and lied about it. Then decide whether you stay, or leave.

I am sorry to hear that. It sounds bad. The simplest explanation is usually the correct one I'm afraid.

You know what you have to do and it won't be easy but it will get better.

Also, fuck him and those other guys who think it's all fun and games to go to these places. If it wasn't that bad why do they always lie about it? .. absolute waste of oxygen!

What's the backstory OP? He must have really chipped away at your judgement over the years for you to not see him for the trashy, seedy, sexist prat he so obviously is.

This is something I always say about things in life that are unclear. So this resonates with me

Can you ask the friend he went with what happened ?

3 hours! Come off it, of course he is lying.

Is it that brothel where there is a chaplain who will read small sections from the bible pit loud while you wait for your friends?

Its sometimes hard to see the forest for the trees

I would find it personal that he put himself knowingly in that position with no regard to how it would make me feel, but I get what you are saying

This. How did you find out about the taxi ride, and that he'd been there 3 hours? Also reading your posts OP is your love blind, or is he an absolute shit?
There's a lot that's not clear here.

In my experience with cheating men in the past I have always left as the pain is awful and the trust never comes back. I am planing to leave after this thread because you have all helped me to look at the facts and not the feelings that nearly always cloud your judgement.

If this was a fantastic relationship and he was an all round great guy, I could see why you'd want to believe he was innocent.

But he's already gambling and lying to you. There are debts taken out behind your back. You can't trust him at all, hence the need to check and now this? Why is he going on a jolly and taking out 400 euros for gambling when there are debts to be paid??

No, it's too much. At this point I wouldn't even care whether he's cheated or not (although all the signs are saying he has). I just wouldn't want a relationship like that full stop. You can't trust him. He is a gambling addict who will drag you down with him. Whether he's cheated or not, doesn't matter at this point.

Their stories alter slightly but they are both maintaining they gambled there

Well, at best, he's got a gambling addiction and went to a brothel to gamble away 400 euros.

The only way that really makes any sense is if he's been banned from the casinos, or asked to step away as he was losing too much...

At worst, he's spent the 400 euros on someone in a brothel, and thinks you'll buy the gambling story as a cover.

Either way, he's a twat. I wouldn't want to be tying my boats (or my children) to this one. I'm sorry.

It doesn't add up at all. He ordered a taxi to that specific place, so either he saw it advertised as a casino (which you said you struggled to find evidence of) or he knew what type of business it was and deliberately booked a taxi to it, spent three hours there!

He is lying to you, there is no part of that fabricated reason for going that is true.

I think he was saying he didn't realize it was a brothel, he thought he was going to a casino, it looked like a casino from the outside, there were no women in the room he was in and he played slots the whole time. So if you believed him then is that a deal breaker is the question. But I think the OP has moved on from the idea that he was completely blind to the fact that he was in a brothel.

OP you need to protect yourself financially if he is running up new debts. Separate any bank accounts and gather all your important documents such as birth, marriage certificates, bank statements, mortgage details to take with you if you are going to leave. If you are kicking him out, try and protect yourself from him running up further debt that may impact on you. Seek support from a solicitor to separate the financial side as soon as possible.

It's like the game 2 truths and a lie.

3 hours in a brothel playing slot machines? Pull the other one.

Seriously. It’s very difficult to get an answer out of an unwilling participant. I’m not saying this tactic would elicit an honest answer either but his reaction would be an interesting one to observe. It’s like asking someone to swear on the Bible. Yes they could still lie but their reaction may tell you something they are refusing to vocalise.

The gambling alone would have me gone.

plus the brothel and the cash withdrawal 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

PLUS lying to you even when “telling the truth” (where he went etc)

I’d want an STI test and a good divorce lawyer