Husband being nasty about my past

[Cockaleedoddleydoo]

My husband has been really strange recently.
Keeps asking me questions about my past, bringing things up that I said years ago and generally being horrible about it.

So, from the very beginning, I've always been honest with him about everything. He knew from very early on about all my previous relationships, sexual history ect, which I think is all very normal. He was fine with it then. Went on to marry me so must have been!⁶

For some reason he is now deciding he isn't okay with a lot of things, is very insecure and angry and is blaming me for my past.

I won't mention everything because it will be too long. But for example,
The other night he kept asking me questions about this one guy that I was seeing before him (it wasn't even serious).
Apparently I'd said that he was handsome when we saw him on a night out 8 years ago when we were first dating. I vaguely remember this. Not a great comment from me but I had had a few drinks and this guy had said hi to me and my husband had mentioned how unattractive he was (he isn't at all). He knew I had been with him, I got a bit defensive and said he isn't. I get why that is annoying but it was also 8 bloody years ago. Who cares now?!

He kept saying how I would still be with him if he hadn't had a girlfriend( he didn't tell me this and I ended it when I found out).

There was a bit of back and forth and I went to bed after getting fed up.

He stormed in, risked waking me and the baby up, saying "is he the one you sent that photo to?" (I told him years ago I'd sent one photo my entire life of myself in my underwear). I said yes.

He stormed out and the next day was fuming. Wouldn't speak to me at first, then began saying how he must have been so special, I should have kept my clothes on, I should be ashamed ect.

He is annoyed because he has asked me to send photos in the past but I've always said I don't like to, it makes me uncomfortable and I just don't want to. I have done it a few times but never was something I was into or wanted. I did it for him. But it's not good enough apparently because I only did it after years of him asking...

He asked why I did it for this other guy (only one picture and nothing rude), I told him I didn't want to either, I felt pressured and was too young and silly to say no.

I feel I have the right to say no now even if I did in the past? And it was only once anyway.

I don't feel I should be pressured into sending photos when I'm not comfortable. He is my husband and should respect that surely.

I feel like he has no respect for me. He shames me and makes me feel guilty about having a past, which I feel is just normal relationship stuff as anyone would have experienced.

It's like he's so disappointed in me for being with other people. I shouldn't have told him about them but it was years ago and he asked me!! I wanted to be honest and now it's being held against me.

I don't know why or where this has all come from? Why is he worried about this random guy. Saying things like, why don't you marry him instead, why would you do that for him and not me?

There's been many other similar outbursts. It's so exhausting and it feels really unfair. He makes me feel like I'm not good enough because of my history and I can't change it. He's so angry and jealous. I've been completely faithful and loyal to him since we met. I don't know what his problem is lately. It's come out of nowhere

Sorry, I really just need to rant.

You have got to get rid of this man. He is absolutely fucking horrendous.

I think you need to see him for what he has become, not for what he once was. He is a toxic, abusive, misogynistic men’s right activist, who is seeking to destroy you to boost himself. He won’t rest until you’re entirely broken down and feel as lowly as he has come to think you are since falling down this particularly poisonous male rabbit hole.

You have to leave. He has swallowed a whole handful of red pills.

Don't apologise for ranting OP.
And whatever you do don't apologise for your past. You have nothing to apologise for. He is spouting ridiculous rubbish.

They get really annoyed when very obviously "high value" men marry women who have had numerous relationships/are divorced/single Mums, women whom they presume must have gained an acting career due to the casting coach, women who are past the age at which they deem women attractive & marriageable (25, sometimes younger).

It drives them barmy. Like foaming at the mouth barmy.

They then claim these men might have ABC/be ABC but are still actually low value, "cucks", or mentally ill etc.

Some of them have a particular bug bear with porn actresses and former porn actresses getting married and/or having kids.

The foaming at the mouth becomes vet intense indeed.

The irony being of course that they only know all these porn actresses because they spend so much time wanking to porn. And in doing so, they make the porn industry viable, which means there's a huge demand for actresses, which is why they do it (unless trafficked).. So it's basically it's "be available for me to wank over, but then go away and don't exist. Don't dare to be human and do human things like marry or have a child".

I suppose more along the theme of op's issue in this thread.

Good. Find your anger and scorn and pour it all over him. Make it absolutely clear you will not be pushed around by him, and that women aren't just on earth to make men feel good about themselves. Tell him every time he spouts this crap he's lowering his value in your eyes, and making himself one large step closer to divorced.

And what is so high value about these men?

Nothing.

It's delusional.

They claim a set of traits/behaviours for themselves that they define as high value. It's their own definition.

They'll argue that traditionally successful men who don't conform to their set of traits & behaviours are actually "low value", "cucks" , "simps", need help etc.

OP these updates are awful.
I would give him one clear final warning. That any more of this repulsive gutter level talk about your sex life before you met him and you are done.

Although to be honest I could not have come back from the first time he mentioned any of this MRA crap.

I think I would be like. ‘OK you are now free to go and find a high value woman. I’ll look out for a low value man to have a laugh with and build a new life with. In the meantime if you can’t manage 50:50 custody then I’ll be putting in a claim for maintenance as soon as you move out. This conversation is over. Quicker we get the divorce rolling, the sooner you can look for your unicorn.’

Might shock some respect out of him. Might realise what he has at last. But who cares. Without a huge sincere apology and him getting some counselling I’d let him go.

His general attitude is obvious from his comments about other women, the "slutty walk" etc.

This is not 'even' just a retroactive jealousy/OCD thing.

It's his world view.

When did you first realise you are actually married to Andrew Tate???!!!

I know. Where's all the money?!

Remember to quote him the saying -
''The Past is another country - they do things differently there.''

You need to take some kind of control back.

You could start by refusing sex, as if the way he's behaving is attractive. As since you're so worthless ...

Find ways of recording his rants.

Gather all the important paperwork and take it to your Mum's when you go for a visit with tbe kids. Without him. Tell her what's going on and have a good cry.

Speak to a solicitor, sometimes you can a half hour for free, and see what they advise. Consider talking to the police as this is 100% abuse.

Ignore his shit because this is all about him and nothing to do with you. And by the way, you'd be brilliant as a single mother. For a start you wouldn't have this shit show 24/7. There's plenty here, including yours truly, who can tell you you'd be fine.

We're rooting for you, OP.

Yeah, I'd literally forgotten about that comment until this reminded me.
What a thing to say about some innocent girl. She was only about 18..not that it makes a difference but we literally have a daughter. Imagine someone saying that about her. He would be livid. Yet it's fine to say it about someone else's innocent daughter.
I think he knew he was wrong on this though to be honest. He got so defensive and looked embarrassed. But never apologised. Just got angry at me.

He's a fuckwit, op.

Thank you so much for this.
I'm so glad I posted on here.
I don't know if I'd have realised how bad it is and how awful he is being. I don't know, it's all brought it to light for me.
Thank you

Agreed

Don't waste your life on this asshole.

Don't let your daughter grow up thinking women should stay with men who hate women.

And don't waste your breath explaining to him why his awful behaviour is awful. He knows! He just wants you stuck thinking you're the issue. On a merry go round of 'if I could just find the right words'. There are no right words because he doesn't want there to be.

He wants to continue to abuse you.

Don't let him, get yourself out.
Make sure any of your money is in your own bank account (not a joint) before ending it btw. His sort like to drain accounts in attempt attempt trap you.

And claim child support ASAP. Don't try to be nice waiting and hoping he will choose to contribute.

Narcissists like him attack people all the harder when they show 'weakness' (kindness, compromise, sympathy).

Choose you, choose your child, get away from him.

you mean, he's losing his senses. otherwise, you must be a troll

I would bet money on an affair. Is creating arguments to make difficulties in the relationship so that it looks like he is justified in doing so

What does he expect you to do about it, op?
Go back and change what you did years ago?
Not that you should. You've had some brilliant comments on here, and I hope you get angry enough to leave him, but I'm wondering what he thinks you can do about his problem.

And it is his problem.

Well exactly.
It's done and no one can do anything about it so it's all very pointless.
When I met him I don't think he would have cared either way. Didn't care that I'd slept with other people so it's not my fault he's changed his mind now. So unfair all this.
It's the most frustrating thing being blamed and getting crap for something he knew about and was years ago..out of nowhere. Ridiculous.

God love you OP.
He sounds utterly vile.
I certainly wouldn't want a low life like him around my children, boy or girl.
He's really vile.

Well, Tate's been repeatedly accused of sex trafficking so, yes: it appears he traps, enslaves and sells women to fill the need he creates.

@frozendaisy I love your post. Nothing more to say. You just said everything perfectly.