Husband being nasty about my past

[Cockaleedoddleydoo]

My husband has been really strange recently.
Keeps asking me questions about my past, bringing things up that I said years ago and generally being horrible about it.

So, from the very beginning, I've always been honest with him about everything. He knew from very early on about all my previous relationships, sexual history ect, which I think is all very normal. He was fine with it then. Went on to marry me so must have been!⁶

For some reason he is now deciding he isn't okay with a lot of things, is very insecure and angry and is blaming me for my past.

I won't mention everything because it will be too long. But for example,
The other night he kept asking me questions about this one guy that I was seeing before him (it wasn't even serious).
Apparently I'd said that he was handsome when we saw him on a night out 8 years ago when we were first dating. I vaguely remember this. Not a great comment from me but I had had a few drinks and this guy had said hi to me and my husband had mentioned how unattractive he was (he isn't at all). He knew I had been with him, I got a bit defensive and said he isn't. I get why that is annoying but it was also 8 bloody years ago. Who cares now?!

He kept saying how I would still be with him if he hadn't had a girlfriend( he didn't tell me this and I ended it when I found out).

There was a bit of back and forth and I went to bed after getting fed up.

He stormed in, risked waking me and the baby up, saying "is he the one you sent that photo to?" (I told him years ago I'd sent one photo my entire life of myself in my underwear). I said yes.

He stormed out and the next day was fuming. Wouldn't speak to me at first, then began saying how he must have been so special, I should have kept my clothes on, I should be ashamed ect.

He is annoyed because he has asked me to send photos in the past but I've always said I don't like to, it makes me uncomfortable and I just don't want to. I have done it a few times but never was something I was into or wanted. I did it for him. But it's not good enough apparently because I only did it after years of him asking...

He asked why I did it for this other guy (only one picture and nothing rude), I told him I didn't want to either, I felt pressured and was too young and silly to say no.

I feel I have the right to say no now even if I did in the past? And it was only once anyway.

I don't feel I should be pressured into sending photos when I'm not comfortable. He is my husband and should respect that surely.

I feel like he has no respect for me. He shames me and makes me feel guilty about having a past, which I feel is just normal relationship stuff as anyone would have experienced.

It's like he's so disappointed in me for being with other people. I shouldn't have told him about them but it was years ago and he asked me!! I wanted to be honest and now it's being held against me.

I don't know why or where this has all come from? Why is he worried about this random guy. Saying things like, why don't you marry him instead, why would you do that for him and not me?

There's been many other similar outbursts. It's so exhausting and it feels really unfair. He makes me feel like I'm not good enough because of my history and I can't change it. He's so angry and jealous. I've been completely faithful and loyal to him since we met. I don't know what his problem is lately. It's come out of nowhere

Sorry, I really just need to rant.

I agree!

In my culture both men and woman are expected to wait until marriage

That's it though isn't it. It only works if men and women wait. The only way that would work for people like the OPs husband is if he sowed his wild oats in his culture, and then went of looking for a trad virgin woman from another culture (yours?) to marry. Or alternatively if they go elsewhere to sow their wild oats and return to the trad virgin wives at home. Either approach leads to very annoying behaviour (and weirdly more male rage against women. Sigh).

@theworldsmad Sorry - I hope that didn't come across as a personal criticism of what you were saying! But no-one really wants red-pill passport bros, especially red-pill passport bros that are too lazy to get a passport.

Sounds like something is making him feel insecure about your relationship for whatever reason. Have you asked him why he's suddenly bringing this up now and telling him that he is the only one for you, you love him etc? It could be that he just needs a bit of reassurance from you. I'm not defending his behaviour, just trying to understand it.
I was a bit like this for a period with my ex husband when I started to feel we were drifting apart. Eventually our communication broke down and we separated. I regret now that we both didn't try harder to understand where these insecurities were coming from and resolve them.

Like he hasn't got a past and hasn't seen others before he met you?

Your past is none of his business just as his is none of yours.

Tell him to sod off out of your face, tell him to mind his own bloody business and you WON'T be explaining your past any more and you WON'T be doing any more photos for him.

Tell him he needs to go back to his play dough and dummies.

No I hear you and I'm with you. I'm sure there are cultures/ times where women where expected to remain chaste and men didn't ( Think victorian England), but on the whole what goes for the goose goes for the gander. Sorry, but I'm not keeping myself chaste and then marrying someone who had a whale of a time. So I don't know what OP's husband is thinking. I mean I get wanting a wife that is only yours or doesn't have a sexual past, there is nothing wrong with that. But then you have to hold up your end of the bargain too

I'm sure there are cultures/ times where women where expected to remain chaste and men didn't ( Think victorian England)

I don't think this was actually the case in Victorian England.

Just a thought, does your husband take wacky baccy and now his insecurities / paranoia are surfacing.

He's a dick, he's playing games. He's either cheating on you already or gearing up to cheat on you.

Guys,
I was looking at these replies a little whole ago. Sorry I haven't had a chance to respond yet. Thanks all for taking the time..

But..I just asked my husband where my phone was and he took it out his pocket. I asked what's wrong and he said he'll talk to me later. I looked and this thread was up so he's probably read it all.

He seems angry

I can't see what else it would be. There's nothing else on here really. He's not read my messages or anything and they're just from friends and my mum anyway..

Are you going to be safe with him in an angry state? If in any doubt, get yourself and the baby out of there! 🙏

He's not violent, I'm just feeling a bit worried. I don't know what he's read or thinks or what he's going to say

He should realise that literally no one else thinks his issue is valid.

If he starts tonight OP, please tell him you are not putting up with and go somewhere - even if it’s a hotel or a friends.

He had no right to take your phone. God he sounds really scary. Is there somewhere else you can go tonight?

He probably is angry because he was well on his way to breaking you completely until MN pointed out that you are still the same person that he chose to marry, and he is the one that is unreasonable. Not one single poster here agrees with the idiots that he's getting his ideas from, just us pointing out that they are idiots is probably incensing him because a) we have opinions despite being women and b) people who follow idiots are also pretty idiotic and he's probably been thinking he's clever up until now.

I would point out to him that neither of you can change the past, but both of you can change your futures. You want a future without fear and abuse from an angry partner, that future can be with him or without him but it must be fear-free. He wants a future with a woman who is 'high value', if he doesn't value you then you are both better off if you separate and he's free to search or the virgin of his dreams.

You don’t have to stand and listen to a word he says. What someone else thinks of you is simply their opinion: you do not have to accept that opinion. Hold fast to your truth, but do leave if you need to.

I am afraid the fact he's taken your phone says a lot.

What a sad way to view marriage.

It does.

It says he's a controlling, abusive bastard who thinks it's up to him what you say and to whom.

He has no right whatsoever to "be angry". Or to take your phone.

He is in the wrong. 100% in the wrong. You have done NOTHING wrong. You are not his property.

And I am worried about you now, OP.

Dear OP's husband, you're a useless, insecure wanker. Stop giving your wife a hard time over stuff that happened before you knew each other. You have a past too. Grow up.

He's probably always been a jealous manipulative controller and it's just got worse with baby taking so much attention from him.
My ex did this. Knew my history in detail before we even dated. Got married, started going on about it for the next 15yrs.....it's death to a relationship.

My thoughts entirely, I'd be very concerned

I agree! I wonder how often he's been doing this?