Being so tight with money - part 2

[Rockrose94]

Hi all, starting a new thread as the first one on AIBU is nearly full !😱
I copied my original post below but basically my ex is a tight ass who has been financially manipulative and controlling my wine and butter consumption (😂). I ended things yesterday after the hundreds of responses on my OP shedding the light on how bad it was. I need to sort all the practicalities etc but I have went to stay with family to have some space from him. I am obviously still feeling a bit confused but I know he isn't capable of change as even during his grovelling he is still blaming me. So onwards and upwards!

My OP:
For context I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, we live together and split the rent / bills 50/50. Our take home pay is very similar and I have an extra outgoing of my car finance which he does not. We effectively keep our finances completely separate, I worry how this will work long term as he has said he does not want to share finances at all as he has more savings.

Anyway the main issue just now is 1) he has bought me dinner once in 4 years, for my 30th birthday present. I took him on a foreign holiday and presents for his 30th. I have paid for nights away and meals for us several times when he has said he can't afford it as I wanted to treat him. I don't do this often any more as it's never been reciprocated 2) we split all food shops evenly but usually do our own meals during the week as I am dieting. He just stood for half an hour itemising up every item on the food shops over the weekend to come to the point that I owe him £2.50. Note that he will charge me half of the food we share but he would likely eat 2/3 of the meal. AIBU to be tired of this? It feels so tight , do other people itemise everything and charge their partner almost to the penny?!

Hey OP have you started looking for a place of your own? The sense of liberation is unbelievable. Trust me I know. Also a victim of exs who always taking advantage of my generosity and kindness.

OP, you should change his name in your phone to “Butterknob” so when/if he calls it will give you a little smile before you speak to him.

Love it 😆

The best bit about making your own butter, is then making buttermilk scones to slather it on. 🧈

That's epic! I am afraid I woke up the house, I started laughing so loudly. 😂

👏👏👏

I am following your story and I am so proud of you and so happy that you managed to escaped
from this horrible relationship. I did not offer any advice because the best ones were already given by this fantastic women here. You had already an army of great women fighting your corner. But I was rooting for you. Well done for taking back control of your life!

In retrospect, you could have each had your own butter, Lurpak for you, Lidl for him.
Or a fridge shelf each
Or an Amazon fridge safe.
But that only demonstrates he is a controlling selfish wanker, so every time you opened the fridge it would have been a "look what your life has become" slap in the face.
Well done for getting out, & not living in dread of his sulking silent treatment

Thank you to the person who recommended The Joy Luck club! I watched it on Disney + last night, wonderful movie, OP you should watch it too ...

He probably thinks it's just an argument and you'll 'see sense' and come running back. Having been in a similar relationship myself, I expect you're currently feeling giddy and looking forward to your future without this awful man! 🥂🧈

It is not my business of course OP but I hope you have organised something with giving notice/informing the letting agency. Assume you are on a rolling tenancy contract? Because usually you have to give notice very precisely. If you're late by even a day you would be liable for another month's rent.

And make sure he also knows this is definitely happening. Otherwise you can bet he will try to squeeze more money from you, saying that you have left him in the lurch and how it's unfair on him.
. That would be just like him!

You need to get your ducks in a row. Wishing you all the best.

Kerry Gold is my favourite, but it's really hard to find it where I live. Not as if we're short of supermarkets and shops but it always seem to be out of stock. It's obviously very popular

Stay strong OP. Don't waiver. You have done the right thing X

Placemarking for updates

You've got this.

Did he come back yet with an answer about renting on his own or leaving as well?

Well done, however this now frees him up for some other unfortunate woman 😂🤦‍♀️

Never been happier for a complete stranger ❤️ placemarking but also want to say proud of you OP!

Well done hate tight people they dont change ever.

@Rockrose94 how are you doing? Any updates?

Hi @Rockrose94 how are you doing? It’s been a few days. I hope you have found some peace.

@beanii @RadFs hey both, sorry for the lack of update. He said he wants to stay so I gave my notice of a month and will be taken off the tenancy. He's been trying to win me round and getting in my head but I can see he is just trying to manipulate me and he's not actually gonna change. I've booked a few days away this weekend with a friend to take my mind off of him 🙂

Stay strong. I hope the month goes well for you and you’ve got somewhere to stay. Enjoy your weekend with your friend x

So glad you have stayed strong.

Remember to transfer all household bills to his name, put in writing as well as phone about council tax and take time stamped photos of meter readings and send them to him.

Are you on a water meter?

Well done for staying strong and seeing through his words. It's funny how women can keep taking crap and manipulation for years but once that switch has been flipped it stays well and truly flipped. I'm guessing that the £2.50 was your switch moment. Enjoy your weekend away, safe in the knowledge he won't be grumbling in your ear about you spending your money instead of saving!

Has he seemed upset about it all? Or is him trying to win you back coming across as insincere. Do you think the penny has dropped as to why you're leaving?