Being so tight with money - part 2

[Rockrose94]

Hi all, starting a new thread as the first one on AIBU is nearly full !😱
I copied my original post below but basically my ex is a tight ass who has been financially manipulative and controlling my wine and butter consumption (😂). I ended things yesterday after the hundreds of responses on my OP shedding the light on how bad it was. I need to sort all the practicalities etc but I have went to stay with family to have some space from him. I am obviously still feeling a bit confused but I know he isn't capable of change as even during his grovelling he is still blaming me. So onwards and upwards!

My OP:
For context I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, we live together and split the rent / bills 50/50. Our take home pay is very similar and I have an extra outgoing of my car finance which he does not. We effectively keep our finances completely separate, I worry how this will work long term as he has said he does not want to share finances at all as he has more savings.

Anyway the main issue just now is 1) he has bought me dinner once in 4 years, for my 30th birthday present. I took him on a foreign holiday and presents for his 30th. I have paid for nights away and meals for us several times when he has said he can't afford it as I wanted to treat him. I don't do this often any more as it's never been reciprocated 2) we split all food shops evenly but usually do our own meals during the week as I am dieting. He just stood for half an hour itemising up every item on the food shops over the weekend to come to the point that I owe him £2.50. Note that he will charge me half of the food we share but he would likely eat 2/3 of the meal. AIBU to be tired of this? It feels so tight , do other people itemise everything and charge their partner almost to the penny?!

My ex miser never had any food in when I came to stay. One morning he made some bacon & egg sandwiches (cheapest bread, bacon etc). He gave me my sandwich & it didn’t have an egg in it. I asked where’s my egg? He replied he only had one egg. So he was eating the sandwich with the bacon and egg. Corner shop was a 5 minute walk, but no - he couldn’t stretch to buying more eggs as they were more expensive there than Aldi. He also wouldn’t ever buy butter, he was a cheap margarine man. He was a truly grim specimen.

I'm a President non salted butter fan myself.

Stay strong and shit him down.

His grovelling, non-apologies and fake promising to change are taking up your valuable mental and emotional capacity.

Keep strong op. Him blaming you for his behaviour says everything.

Another one reporting for duty. Ready and willing to give you support should you have a wobble (but I think you've seen the light) 🍾

I'm finding it hard to find the unsalted except as spreadable butter, which I disapprove of because I'm a feminazi.

Well done OP, we are all so proud of you. 💪

I knew there was a reason I saved this pic ...

I dated a man who gave me a headtorch when I asked if we could put a lamp on one evening rather than sit in the dark. It was one of the rechargeable ones and he used to charge them at work. I dumped!

Well done op. You'll be so happy without the penny scrimping. It's no way to live!

That's hilarious! Mind you, I bet you weren't laughing at the time 😂

Well done, I hope you enjoy your lurpak, wine and whatever else you choose.you definitely deserve to treat yourself to something nice if you can afford to (maybe some premium make up/skincare/posh cheese or whatever you enjoy) and not worry about his opinion.
In regards to furniture and household items, you can always start again, people can be pretty generous on apps like olio and free cycle and so on whilst your getting started.
And the best thing of all it's the beginning of the rest of your life, and you are still young enough to meet someone great if that's what you would like once you are ready to, and you know what you are not willing to put up with in the future.

I am reminded of my exh long ago. Used to make his kids margarine sandwiches. Cheap white bread, scrape on cheapest marg and then scrape on more marg. That was it. No extra filling! Miserable tight arse. His money was his, mine was the child benefit. When I got back to work, my money was family money! Funny that. He missed my purse more than me when I left.

@Rockrose94 your ex will miss you for the wrong reasons. I am sorry about that. I hope you go on to be happy.

🍾🥂 Raising a glass to you @Rockrose94

He cannot change when he hasn’t accepted responsibility for his own actions. Fuck him off, he will be unable to change anywhere near as much as you would need him to, to be a decent partner.

And the French produce the best butter of course. Preferably with lots of sea salt in it 😋

This week I am a Lurpak cunt due to own label being out of stock

@Rockrose94 I am having a large glass of red wine in your honour this evening, I hope you do the same

I didn't read your original thread op (if anyone has a link?) but it sounds like you're well shot! Well done!

Here are the stages of grief he will be going through during the break up.

Here you go https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5115283-being-so-tight-with-money?page=1

Definitely well rid!

If you really want a treat, try the Bridel French butter with sea salt flakes in - it’s on another level of gorgeousness.

I posted before I’d seen about the M&S butter with sea salt flakes….thank you!

Off to Ocado >>>>

I usually buy Lupak after living in the US and not being able to find it anywhere.

Now I’m trying President after watching a few TikTok’s and have tried the Lidl salted butter (all yummy).

Maybe make it your mission to try all the artisan butters out there.

I would block his number (it can be unblocked) to truly get space from him. When you are ready, just go to collect your things so no more discussions. He has shown that he doesn’t see it that he is the problem.

I need to know the yellowist butter now without buying all the butters.

I am willing to be converted.

Pretty excited now to try this M&S seasalt butter!

This is not just cheap and nasty

It's absolutely insane
(And hilarious OP, as the H says if it doesn't kill you it eventually ends up as an entertaining anecdote)

Can I recommend the glorious Bonne Mamam Damson Jam to go with a good butter (President!) on some nice bread, to celebrate the start of your new life.