Being so tight with money - part 2

[Rockrose94]

Hi all, starting a new thread as the first one on AIBU is nearly full !😱
I copied my original post below but basically my ex is a tight ass who has been financially manipulative and controlling my wine and butter consumption (😂). I ended things yesterday after the hundreds of responses on my OP shedding the light on how bad it was. I need to sort all the practicalities etc but I have went to stay with family to have some space from him. I am obviously still feeling a bit confused but I know he isn't capable of change as even during his grovelling he is still blaming me. So onwards and upwards!

My OP:
For context I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, we live together and split the rent / bills 50/50. Our take home pay is very similar and I have an extra outgoing of my car finance which he does not. We effectively keep our finances completely separate, I worry how this will work long term as he has said he does not want to share finances at all as he has more savings.

Anyway the main issue just now is 1) he has bought me dinner once in 4 years, for my 30th birthday present. I took him on a foreign holiday and presents for his 30th. I have paid for nights away and meals for us several times when he has said he can't afford it as I wanted to treat him. I don't do this often any more as it's never been reciprocated 2) we split all food shops evenly but usually do our own meals during the week as I am dieting. He just stood for half an hour itemising up every item on the food shops over the weekend to come to the point that I owe him £2.50. Note that he will charge me half of the food we share but he would likely eat 2/3 of the meal. AIBU to be tired of this? It feels so tight , do other people itemise everything and charge their partner almost to the penny?!

@Rockrose94
He's sounds worse and worse with each update. Is he called Ebenezer?

Wishing you lots of butter on your toast in the morning
From someone old enough to be your Mum I'm very proud of you

S

Aaaah top tip, thank you!

Op a good few people said he'd pull out the marriage card when you left and he did what a that!

Another vote for Kerrygold butter and well done OP. Life will truly get better from here on.

I've clicked on this thread to read an update from OP and am now sat googling different types of butter whilst I have my morning coffee😂

We have Lurpak in the fridge and then a "proper" butter (as in, a block) in the butter dish? Is that normal? Also, I have never heard of some of these recommended butters but I am going to be looking out for President at the supermarket later this week!

I once went to a rather posh restaurant and they had put lemon bits in the butter.
Reader, it was horrible.

Seaweed butter is next level!

And keep going @Rockrose94 You have created a community of butter fanatics who are cheering you on.

Onwards and upwards OP! To (buttery) pastures new!

Ah, great news OP, so glad you've managed to extricate yourself from this joy-sucking man.

Can I suggest he is known from now on as the 'Knob of Butter'?

Ha ha!!! Love it!

I have a new username in honour of this thread. 🤓

Haha love it 😂

You have angered the one and only butter God now.

My ex came from a family of misers. You have done the right thing! While my exes generosity varied (was keen on grand gestures to impress), he held control on me going back to work full time after the birth of our first child so I got paid as much as I could on May leave. I compressed my hours in that time to save one days nursery fees while pregnant with my second. It nearly killed me! Especially as he was away a lot at weekends on a second job which was his money.

He saved loads while I was earning less and paying more in to the family pot. His savings were his, never to be touched. If we went on holiday, he insisted we took out a loan, presumably so I paid my share. Bonkers. I kind of realised it at the time but it becomes normalised and I was made to feel like a gold digger if I tried to discuss finances and fairness. They don’t change! You’re well off out of there. He even makes my teenage child have a child’s meal and finish off younger children’s meals when recently out with them and friends. She’s becoming embarrassed too and also learning he will spend on himself first.

This thread has become butterly bonkers. Glad it’s cheering you up op.

Don’t let him butter you up. You’d be udderly mad to go back to him. Milk him for all he’s worth. Use the furniture you don’t want as a bargaining tool for the bills.

Keep churning the puns out guys.

Can I suggest he is known from now on as the 'Knob of Butter'?

Absolutely perfect.

Or just Knob. Please don't attach our precious butter with this man😅

I have this strange feeling that I’d love for OP and every PP on both threads to meet up for a tea and toast celebration.
Was going to say bring your own butter not because you can’t have mine but just due to brand preferences.
So we could toast (sorry about the pathetic pun) OP’s bravery and bright future.
As it’s not possible I’m sticking the kettle on getting the Lurpak out of the fridge.
I’m deffo getting a Bring Your Own Knobs mug and t-shirt as well.
Even for a celebration of one.

Team Lurpak all the way...

I haven’t read the first thread (yet) but will done OP!

Haha this sounds great. Although I'd like to sub the tea for a rose wine 🍷

anyone have a link to the part 1 of the thread? 👀

OP, has Knob of Butter been in touch? What's the latest??

Nothing since Sunday evening, I told him when I left he could have a few days to think about keeping on the rental himself or both giving notice so he has until Thursday morning to decide. I didn't expect to hear from him otherwise as he always gives silent treatment after arguments which used to have me grovelling so probably thinks it will work in this instance