Will try to keep as brief as possible.....
Husband and I been together for 11 years, married for 5 two DC, youngest 11 weeks.
He went for coffee today with one of his female work friends (she's on maternity and they meet up every few weeks or so). He told me this:
She asked him what was going on with him and another female co-worker (lets call her Mary). She had heard that they were hooking up from a mutual colleague.
He tells me this in front of the children (in our garden for some reason) about 3 hours after he comes home from meeting his friend.
He says he wanted to tell me because he's angry that the mutual coworker had started rumours that yes having an affair with Mary and he didn't want to seem off and of course I should know about these rumours. He told me that when he went out to walk the dog earlier (a while after he came back) he rang Mary and told her there had been rumours.
I find it all a bit strange. I hold my hands up, I have in the past found issue with his friendships with his female colleagues. My father had an affair behind my mums back when I was a teen and I stumbled on it. That's my issue and insecurity which I have previously visited on my relationship but I've worked hard on the insecurities. The issue is that my husband has lied, has been caught out in his lies before and I'm really muddled up because I find it weird that he's telling me about this "rumour"
He's name dropped Mary quite a few times in the last few months. He's been going on walks with her on their lunch break. We are ironically going to her house tomorrow to go and pick up a secondhand thing. They play chess against each other on an app. They WhatsApp fairly frequently.
The biggest thing I am struggling with though is that a few days ago he kissed me on the cheek and he stunk of cigarettes. I told him that and he was like "wow that's weird" (we are both ex smokers). His work coat stunk of smoke too. I called him on it and asked if he had been smoking (I made it so clear to him that I didn't mind if he was cannot stress that enough) he said not. I saw a message from him to Mary saying thanks for that earlier but I had to blag a lighter as I was leaving work.
So he's lying about smoking. I asked him again today and he says not.
I'm so confused as to wtf is going on. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I do?
He did ask me if I believed him about it being a rumour regarding Mary which I thought was weird but might have been because I was a bit skeptical and had come across as suspicious.....
He's going on a work night out while I will have the youngest visiting family and our eldest will be staying with his grandparents overnight so husband can go out drinking. Mary will be there and now I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable!