Calling off the wedding

[Mummyto4WM]

Hi ladies,
I'm at a total loss. My partner and I are due to get married in December. Things over the last 6 months have been really hard.

In short, his boss is his ex-MIL who hates that he's moved on. She's so heavily involved in his life. Then there's his family, he communicates with the 24/7. He is so reliant on them and they are in control. For example, we chose to move to a new area (15 min drive away) and his mother disagreed and was bombarding him with houses on her road for sale. He then suggested we abandon our plans.

We had a major fall out. And I said some unpleasant things. He ran off to tell his family. They were never keen on me anyway and now are venomous. They squeeze me out of everything. I want to call off the wedding, he doesnt. The guests are 70% his and I know I'll feel rejected at my own wedding.

I dont know what to do for the best?

We started couples counselling and it's been positive for the relationship. He's starting to listen and recognise the barriers in the relationship. He's saying cancelling the wedding is a backwards step.

A few posts before yours, the OP noted she intended to postpone with a view to cancelling.

So… why this post?

100% cancel.

You're not going to be marrying him, you'll be marrying him, his toxic MIL and his toxic f'ing family to boot.

There are quite a few posts on here from women dealing with one prick in their lives... you my dear will be dealing with the entire fucking desert!

well you must be fun at parties.

Funny enough - I did cancel/postpone the wedding. And he reluctantly agreed. So it's focusing on the day to day, rather than washing thousands of pounds down the drain. I didnt cancel completely, as it meant losing 2k, but the venue allowed us to move the date until 2026, it wasn't a difficult decision after the messages on here.

listen to your gut and save yourself a lifetime of misery.

Oh that’s great, @Mummyto4WM - gives you some proper space to see how the next 12 months go.

Bravo for your decision to pospone, @Mummyto4WM. But for the sake of 2k, please, don't feel you still have to go ahead with the wedding if you are still having strong doubts by the time the decision date comes round again. If you still feel then that you will be an unwelcome guest at your own wedding, I would advise you not to go ahead. Think about the sunk costs fallacy!
Also, I agree with the others who have mentioned that his RC faith can't be that important to him if you are living together and have children together out of wedlock (I'm not quite sure about this, it's not clear to me if you have your own child/ren with him). This is more of a religious face-saving thing than anything else, believe me.
Good luck with it all, I hope the counselling continues to go well and that you will feel you are in a better place to make your decision when the time comes.

Do not go ahead. The engagement period is as good as it gets! No relationship is better after the wedding than before. No man treats you better after the ring’s on than before.

Postpone. This is not the right way to get married. His family will always be his family. Hey will always be there, even if you move far away. Don't marry a man you want to change. They don't. You can.never change his background or upbringing. It will rear it's head when you least need it to. If you have kids, he will revert to his old ways because they are ingrained from birth. TRUST ME