Would you be happy with this? Presents

[Sajeagh123]

So my dp works in research and goes on digs or excavations semi regularly. He has just turned from one and has brought a female friend back a beautiful fossil he found. She's not in the same field or have any interest for work or hobby reasons. She was the only one he brought anything for and now I'm thinking we have an underlying issue if hes at the bottom of a cave thinking of her and not me....am I being crazy? Sort of lighthearted

You have to be asking yourself would he give this thoughtful gift to a woman who was attached? No. Not unless it was a shared interest perhaps but you've already discounted that. And her response shows how pleased she was to receive it, unless she's just being kind. All seems a bit off. Perhaps he just likes her attention.

It's like a romantic gesture that a man might perform at the start of a relationship. The way she (over)reacted to it makes it seem.like she returns his interest. And the fact that he never mentioned it to you makes it all the more suspect. I'm not sure there's much you can do about it though, sadly.

A chocolate orange? 🍊
Nope
I’d be so done with him.
In the bin

Agree with this OP

I would not have let it go. WTF

It’s a no from me

I missed the post you've quoted....he didn't do anything savemydrink said so no one did that

I'm very secure in my relationship but if DH came back with a special present for his female pal and nothing for me,I'd be worried. He saw something beautiful and special and thought of someone else.

Op how do you know this? What did he say about it?

Did you ask him why he brought it back for her and not you?

Is he a stupid person because telling you he brought it back for his female friend is pretty stupid or deliberately hurtful.

He didn't tell me - mSajeagh123 · Today 18:56

I saw a text flash up when his phone was unlocked saying 'that was one of the sweetest things anyone has done for me, thank you xxx' and clicked into it and that's how I knew. He hasn't told me. I don't know if that counts as the big picture, but that's why I posted on here first

Gosh I would want to see their message history for sure. Can you access that?

It would piss me off. Your his lady so he foes not need to be gifting another woman!

Sounds strange but can I just check you’ve never been gifted one of his fossils and seemed disinterested, or similar (e.g. shown a general disinterest in fossils). I’m not excusing anything, only imagining that if you found cool stuff then you’d want to share it with someone. I’ve never shown a particular interest in fossils but would still love such a gift (although maybe not from a married man!)

Think you have a bigger problem than the getting gifts for a "friend" like keeping it a secret, thinking of her so much to give her something special. Think it's time you had a chat with him and his disrespect of you and his reasons behind why he's getting her gifts, maybe start of an emotional affair nip this in the bud your guts obviously telling you something is wrong

A year or so ago he bought her roses on her birthday, only very cheap supermarket ones buy when I found out (also through seeing a text) I asked why he'd done it and he said it made her happy. He seemed so innocent saying it so I let it go but if he's that bothered about making her happy, I don't think that's ideal :[

This would make me pretty furious actually. I do have issues with jealousy of my partner's female friends though - it's something I have undertaken to work on.

But notwithstanding that, if he bought or found a lovely gift for one of them, and nothing to me, I would consider it fair enough to get really quite upset by that. And if think he knows that and, if he did want to give one a gift, wouldn't tell me!

I guess your husband hasn't mentioned it either. Do you think that's because he just didn't think to, or because he knows it would fuck you off?

Can you confront him about it without it looking like you snooped? (I know you just happened to see it.....)

“That’s the sweetest thing anyones ever done for me xxx” did you not scroll back and read the messages between them prior to that?

No, like i said, it flashed up when it was unlocked. You know when it comes through and shows at the top? That

OP,
Only you know how your relationship is and how loving and devoted he is to you.

I absolutely would not be happy with this.
Not a chance.

I would be having a long hard think about your relationship and are you with someone who is crushing on someone else.

I see, God that’s horrible, so you couldn’t even scroll back to see context. My friend discovered her husbands affair this way, message flashed up on his phone just saying, good morning, hope you slept well xxx, she didn’t recognise the woman’s name and she just kicked off there and then, grabbed the phone, read back through months of messages, and it was very clear. You’ve managed to hold it together and not even tell him you read it. Maybe it’s time to do a little more digging.

Buying roses for a single female friend is really dodgy however cheap they were. Especially doing it without saying anything. There's a bit more to this than meets the eye.

Not appropriate unless it was a big bday and they work closely together

They don't work together? But that'd bother others too, even if they were less than £5?

How long have they been friends? Were they friends before you got together? How often do they see each other in person and are you welcome at these meetings? How does she act around you? Or have you never met her?

It’s difficult to say -if he saw her on or close to her bday and they’ve been friends a long time he might have felt like he needed to get her something if he hadn’t bothered writing a card

Red roses are very cliched in terms of love and romance. I don’t know, I mean is he generally like this? When I was younger I was with a very charming older man for many years, and he would regularly buy flowers and chocolates for the women he worked with on special occasions and he was known for it, and I didn’t really think much of it as it was his personality, he was ultra professional, and they worked for him. Is this usual behaviour for him?

Yes, he doesn't like doing presents and cards so only does it for immediate family