Would you be happy with this? Presents

[Sajeagh123]

So my dp works in research and goes on digs or excavations semi regularly. He has just turned from one and has brought a female friend back a beautiful fossil he found. She's not in the same field or have any interest for work or hobby reasons. She was the only one he brought anything for and now I'm thinking we have an underlying issue if hes at the bottom of a cave thinking of her and not me....am I being crazy? Sort of lighthearted

At best, these are inappropriate things to do (bring another woman a special thing, get nothing for you, show you the thing for her). And could reveal feelings etc. Not ‘petty’ to be upset and worried.

@IamaRevenant Your H sounds anything but lovely.

I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill if he loves you and you feel secure in your marriage If it is in difficulty though, you may have reason to worry.

A fossil is romantic?
Not to me it wouldn’t be!
I often see things I think other people would like, on my last weekend away I bought a crappy little ceramic unicorn for my colleague because she collects unicorn ornaments, it’s still on my desk at home because we aren’t meeting in the office for a while.
Has he previously made you feel insecure about your relationship? Just wondering if I’ve missed something up thread, will go back and have another read.

OP has explained that her H’s friend has no particular interest in fossils

My ex used to bring me back rocks and stones from places he visited, I kept every single one of them. Sometimes he just found a pretty one on his local beach and just thought I would like it. It was romantic because wherever he went he was thinking of me, and I would carry my little stones around with me, one little flat one in my purse, one tiger eye polished stone he gave me because he said it was precious but I’m the most precious person in his life. There’s something about these thoughtful little mementos that is romantic because I would feel like I had a piece of him with me at all times, and the sweetness of him thinking of me wherever he went, and thinking “she’ll love that” or “ I want her to have that and think of me every time she looks at it”, yeah I consider it a romantic gesture, and no you are not being stupid and petty at all.

We both did this for each other and by the end had our own little collection. I can look at those stones and gems and remember a thousand memories from them. So I may be biased in my thoughts with this, but this is to me an intimate thing, something that costs nothing but holds memories every time you look at it.

I wouldn’t like it. It seems like a very sweet and thoughtful gesture …. Which should be for his partner and no one else.

It’s hurtful for him to be having these types of interactions with others.

Would he want you to behave in that manner with a man…. Doubt it.

Yeah imagine you walking along the beach on holiday, and bending down to pick up a pretty stone, and saying “insert man’s name” would love this, I’m going to give it to him. But the man in questions isn’t a general fan of stones, you just happened to be thinking of him, and want him to have a little memento that you were thinking of him while on holiday, and something to put in his pocket or wallet, or display, that has him thinking of you every time he looks at it. Drawing on my own experience, the first time my ex gave me that little stone and told me I’m most precious to him, was literally the most sweet romantic moment of my life up to that point. I’ll never forget it, or him. So I’m 100% seeing how sweet little gestures like this can touch someone’s heart. “Oh he was thinking of me, oh he gave me something because he thought I would think it was pretty and a reminder of him, oh he wants me to to think of him when I look at it, oh maybe I should return the gesture and find something special that he can carry with him like a little piece of me”

But she's not party to every conversation and passing comment. I don't know what my DPs colleagues aren't interested in in full.

It could have been something b very minor such as 'ooh you're going to x? I used to collect ammonites around there as a kid!" Hence looking out for a nice one as a little thing to do, no intent. It cost nothing and he didn't go out of his way for it, it was onsite anyway. If he'd risked life and limb, had to get clearance, or spent money, fair enough but he hasn't, he's found a nice example and a potential willing recipient, even if only a passing interest. Just providing balance as someone has already jumped to leaving him.

@Sajeagh123, what can you tell us about their relationship? Is this woman an old or new friend of his? How do they know one another? Are you ever included when they meet up?

Have you noticed any changes in his behavior toward you or in general?

Have you asked him why he is giving her the fossil?

How do you know he kept it safe for a week before giving it to her?

It's more he probably thinks you dont value his work much whereas said friend is probably more in awe of his career path, so bit of a FU attitude I'm giving this to friend X who will appreciate it.

Yeah I couldn’t be subtle or polite about this… I’m afraid I’d be asking what was going on that he thought to bring her home a pretty bauble but not me.

I think the fact that he’s even thinking about her on that level tells you something already.

Because he was there for a week after getting it for her

That's quite a leap lol no one is in awe of him and I 'value' his work. He wasn't trying to spite me, it's that I wasn't a factor at all

That end bit in particular is where I'm thinking at the moment

This says everything about your character.

'no one is in awe of him' - how lovely and supportive of you...
Maybe, take a look at your relationship and what's going on.

How do you know this other person doesn't like fossils or didn't just text to ask for one?

My DH doesn't have friends who are 'in awe' of him. Most people don't. And it says nothing about OP's character.

Wtf, are you OK? It does say everything about my character...mainly that I can read and understand I was directly replying to a pp saying 'the friend is it awe of him' and I'm replying saying lol that's not the case. It's a perfectly normal response and doesn't mean I don't respect or love him or his work.

Really weird reply especially considering you liked my post on that reply...very confusing

Thank you. Very confusing pp!

So why does he do it then? You explain it! We're all just guessing and there's no reason why this mystery fossil receiving friend doesnt value his line of work more than you. Or he perceives it that way hence the gift.

The fact that he kept safe for a week and then gave it to her does suggest some sort of feelings. However, whether these feelings are romantic or sexual in nature isn't guaranteed. He might be the sort of person who likes to do nice things for others. His feelings might simply be because he wanted her to be happy. Do you know if there have been any events in her life which might have caused her to be down, for instance?

No, everything normal for her as far as I'm aware. He's not a sentimental type so it was out of character

'Out of character' always rings alarm bells, OP!