Would you be happy with this? Presents

[Sajeagh123]

So my dp works in research and goes on digs or excavations semi regularly. He has just turned from one and has brought a female friend back a beautiful fossil he found. She's not in the same field or have any interest for work or hobby reasons. She was the only one he brought anything for and now I'm thinking we have an underlying issue if hes at the bottom of a cave thinking of her and not me....am I being crazy? Sort of lighthearted

I would not be happy about this, especially as he didn't get you anything. How long has he known her ? I presuming she's attractive- not like he is getting one for Keith in accounts is it ?

So, the evidence so far. The female friend isn't interested in fossils and doesn't work in a similar field. She has no children, so the fossil isn't for one of them. The DH doesn't usually bring fossils or presents home for people and this act is out of character and rather inexplicable. He kept the fossil safe and sound for a week and it was a particularly pretty one. He didn't bring his wife home anything at all.

Verdict - OP, you've got trouble. No doubt in my mind about it.

Because he saw it and thought of her.

BTW is he allowed to make off with fossils?

And she doesnt have more respect or admiration for OPs husbands line of work.

We're not left with much are we. And I imagine she's not going to be unattractive either.

It's not the fossil.
It's the fact that he has seen something he considers rather lovely and has taken the time and trouble to think of another woman and bestowed it upon her, having bought nothing for the OP.
This is not normal behaviour within a relationship. It's like him gathering a bunch of flowers and saying these are for your friend.

Im stunned its lighthearted i think its more heartbreaking that he thinking of another instead of you putting aside how disrespectful it is.

Do you have good communication with him and will he understand if you tell him how this has made you feel? Is he generally thoughtless of your feelings

How did you come to know he is giving this to her? How exactly did the conversation play out?

This would get to me too OP. I think you should sit him down and ask him directly why he thought to give her this? His immediate reaction will tell you much more than we can.

What an odd thing to write, I had to read it twice, it’s quite normal not to be in awe of your partner or have any of your mates in awe of them. If anyone was in awe of my husband I’d laugh myself senseless.

Yes, I wondered that. Did he take the fossil from his bag and say I thought "Jenny" would love this? Did the OP find it and ask who it was for? Did the DH try and conceal it?

That's exactly what I thought!

My husband is similar, although not as extreme as this.

It's horrible. I'm sorry.

So have you raised this with him, OP?

But the OP has already said she wouldn't have been particularly interested herself.

Look, I am arguing for for DP because this has gone one way and I feel it could be genuinely innocent. My DP grows and sells rare plants and will quite often give away cuttings or blooms to 'other women' (or men but there are a lot of ladies into the hobby) at the slightest passing encouragement. He will post them to Facebook strangers even as well as folk at work.

We have a house full so I'm not bothered. A fossil does not take any looking after. Who's going to nick it? What's all this about he's taken care of it for a week, what in his underpants?

I can picture a man like my DP, enthusiastic about his plants/ fossils who has taken a colleague's brief interest with innocent pleasure.

I could be wrong, and suggested something to say earlier but OP to make clear she isn't happy, but she hasn't mentioned any other suspicious behaviours.

The woman at work doesn't have to have a known interest in fossils to have passed a quick comment. It's a 2 minutes chat. 'youre off on a field trip then? 'yep, to X looking for Y' ' how nice! I had a couple of those as a child!'.

OP what is the bigger picture?

I saw a text flash up when his phone was unlocked saying 'that was one of the sweetest things anyone has done for me, thank you xxx' and clicked into it and that's how I knew. He hasn't told me. I don't know if that counts as the big picture, but that's why I posted on here first

I wouldn't be happy with this at all!

Oh OP, what a kick. I may be thinking too much of it but I’d also be unhappy with the amount of ‘xxx’ in her message, I get that some people are perhaps just like that, but I think it’s inappropriate when she knows he’s in a relationship

I think you need to say something to him. Ask why he got her a gift on his trip and see what response/explanation you get

A gardener sharing plants and cuttings or a glut of runner beans with a fellow enthusiast or the neighbour is quite another matter.
Giving it to a female work mate or fellow enthusiast would be quite another matter.
The friend sitting in the kitchen and admiring the fossil would be OK.

He may be perfectly innocent and unaware of his actions, but would it annoy/upset me, yes it would. It's odd. He found something he considered lovely and gave it to his partners friend. He didn't say 'Would your friend like this?' He thought of her, and gave it to her.

Because it suggests the gift meant something to both?

She's his friend, not mine but yes, I definitely see it differently to a cutting etc

Is this female friend single and attractive? I know these are difficult questions but they are very pertinent.

What's the history of their friendship? Is she a likely crush for him age/looks wise? Even if she was, is there a chance she'd be remotely interested? It might be completely one sided. I wouldn't jump to conclusions unless there's anything else you can think of that makes you suspicious.

Yes she is

Well there you go, he’s totally touched her heart strings with it, same as my ex did. Who knew women don’t want diamonds, they want fossils and rocks, but it’s not that is it? It’s what it signifies, it’s the thought and what it represents in terms of them thinking of you, and wanting you to have a token of their affection, and think of them- and I think that’s what’s going on here, and exactly how she’s taken it. I’m sorry OP, but are you sure they are not already having an affair?