Help and empathy needed please feeling fragile.

[NChangenowp]

I have messed up very badly. Please be kind. I'm devastated. I sent some very rude messages about my daughter's best friend to my daughter privately. She dropped her friends phone so lent her friend her own phone. Friend and family have seen my messages. Daughter also did some. And husband. Mine were the worst. I cannot excuse it. I'm not in good place. I have apologised deeply. I am extremely ashamed. I never did this as a teen. I can't believe I've done now. I think I've destroyed her friendships and mine with the mothers. I cannot believe this. I have had the menopause. It's no excuse. I said the girl was vile. And I do t actually mean it. I was annoyed by the teen rebellion the time on small things. And she made some unpleasant comments. But vile is very strong. Has anyone forgiven anyone that's done anything like this? I'm devastated. I've written an extensive and honest deep apology. Please help. I'm destroyed. I can't believe I've been sucked into teen angst.

No social life is bad.

Why do you think they would hate you for using the word ‘vile’? because it really isn’t as bad a word as you think.
Hate is actually a stronger word than vile, because it’s generally a permanent state of feeling.
Do you really think all of the parents would be childish enough to hate you for a throw away comment?
It will be forgotten about.
Have they expressed hatred towards you? You are making it sound like they are all coming for you with torches and pick forks!
You might find that the best friends family dislike you or become indifferent towards you, but why do you think all of the other friends will join forces and ostracise you? You say the friend did go through some sort of phase of not being nice, so the others probably all thought the same thing anyway at the time.

Goodness I'd be horrified if anyone got hold of my phone! I would be furious if my daughter had given someone her phone! It's not the messages really that's the problem - surely it's reasonably normal to say stuff to family members never imaging the person will see it!

OP with kindness you are giving this way too much headspace. Nobody died! You have to put this behind you now and stop beating yourself up. What you said is way down the scale of things that are bad to say.
We all say awful things when we're upset that we don't truly mean so enough is enough now. You need to let it go

I see my post was deleted
Apologies to OP if I was too harsh.
I was aiming for honesty but may have been a bit too blunt

I didn't see it.

I think if any lesson needs to learnt here is that be super careful with words. To my mind vile is an evil word. Destroys relationships. Never use it.

I think I have given it too much headspace.
I also think I'm right. I have unwittingly messed up my social life and my daughters.
We have been bitchy as a family. And it's public. It's bad.

I do not know hiw I will cope.
If I've ever been bitchy it was always 121. In person.

Words hurt. And destroy or build up.

I don't know how to communicate.
I say it's bad. And everyone kind of ignores it and says it ok. I then increase the strength of feeling and say I feel I have destroyed my social life. And my daughters and I'm too dramatic.
Hard to find a measured way to discuss how badly and stressed I feel about this.

Has anyone been in this situation and come out of it ? Help.

I don't mean that people ignore it. I mean people say that it's not too bad.
I just can't talk. I'm in a terrible place.

My parents were not uk native. European. Maybe I'm a shit communicator.

Please try your best to stop catastrophising this. It happened and its unfortunate but you need to move on from it. It happens all the time to people, emails, text messages, not cutting calls off properly etc

Help.

If this is the case, she IS vile.

OP, you were merely stating the truth.

Where do I access the inbox? X

We have 2 phones. Hers and a spare.
My daughter had a phone.
Lent her new one to her friend.
All you have to do is search a name in messages.
Do it. You'll be shocked.
She was nosy yes. Vile no. She can be self centred and selfish. But she's a teen under stress.
She was difficult for a long time. I got worn down as did my daughter also exam stresses.

Help

I can't think about anything else.

Oh OP you sound so upset and I am not sure what anyone here can do to help you.
Do you have any real life support you can access?
I am quite concerned about you

I'm sorry this is upsetting you.

It is a minor blip. Truly. Life goes on and this will quickly pass. Everyone involved has more important things to worry about.

Sounds like your daughter needs better friends, anyway. Teenage friendships are not the only people she'll ever have in her life. This one sounds like excessively hard work. Moving on may be very beneficial for all of you.

And never lend devices.

Has anyone had similar and it got better?