New partner won't wear a condom

[Nofruitscones]

Recently started seeing a lovely man ♥️ Met through a mutual friend and hit it off instantly, despite me never wanting to get involved with a man ever again.
Never thought I'd change my mind but gosh he's totally amazing!

We have met a few times now and it's all been lovely and have discussed progressing our friendship and moving things along... 😉

However... he is not keen to use condoms 🙁 He's been married a long time but says don't have sex and I believe him. I really feel like I want to insist on condoms though but oh my goodness, I have proper caught the feels and WANT him!

What to do MN?

It is great that you are recovered and finding men attractive again.

However, you can do much better than this one.

Time to open up and look for a really good man (and one sexy but happy to protect you/not married to someone else).

A man who refuses to wear condoms is not… that great.

Not a lovely man at all, @Nofruitscones. He wants to cheat on his wife and won’t wear condoms. What constitutes lovely for you if you’re willing to let those 2 major things slide?

Maybe you should ask his wife what she thinks.

Got news for you, OP. He is not a lovely man.

He’s not a lovely man 1 he’s married and 2 he doesn’t care about yours or his wife’s sexual health. He’s lying to his wife cheating with you so it figures he’s probably lying to you about not having sex with her.

This sort of shit keeps me in my job!

See you both in clinic in a couple of weeks OP. Gonorrhoea treatment is a jab in the arse cheek, btw.

If he's married (and they aren't in the process of separating/divorcing etc), and he's not keen on using condoms, then he doesn't sound like much of a keeper...

If he's cheating on someone else for you now, it will likely be you later down the line

Surely you can't possibly think that the amazing man still being married is the kind of casual thing you just drop in at the end as if it's no big deal as if you're telling us he's a Libra?

I agree with this, but it's still not good enough.

Because until you know him better (& most people sleep with new (sexual) partners long before they do know them well enough), just cos he's STI free at a snapshot moment, doesn't mean that he's not sleeping with anyone else, and the aversion to condoms suggests that he'd try to get away without one with other partners if possible.

So I think you still need to use condoms for a good number of months until you have some vague confidence that you can trust him, regardless of clear STI tests.

For me, any man who expresses any reservations about condoms, becomes someone that if I slept with them at all, we'd be using condoms for ages, because of the drop in trust by them initially not wanting to...

DUMP HIM

What to do? Feel free to waste your precious months/years on being a non-paid prostitute for a married man who wouldn’t leave his (horrible, of course) wife for you and pick up some STD in the meantime - who are you to argue with him?

Just turn off your brain and enjoy, I’m sure it’ll be worth it.

😂

He's married to someone else and looking to have unprotected sex with a woman other than his wife.

He's not a lovely man. He's a manipulative wannabe-cheat who doesn't respect his wife or you.

Forget needing a condom. You need a bin bag. Just put the whole man in it and move on.

Yep - lovely and amazing are just the right words to describe a’ married man who wants to fuck a random woman without wearing a condom.

Honestly he’s such a catch OP - his wife must be just crazy to deprive him of his congenial rights. Definitely marry this keeper - oh wait!

On the off chance this is real then your bar is lower than a snakes belly. Find a single man who isn’t a walking STI risk

Careful. You'll get a smacked botty. MN has ascertained that it isn't a troll, apparently.

Are you dim?

No condom, no sex.

And find someone who isn't married. And probably lying to you since he's clearly lying to his wife. Liars are liars are liars.

Condoms are the least of your worries. He's married.
Lovely men don't line up the bit on the side whilst still in a marriage.

So he's married but they don't have sex and you believe him. Even if it were true which is unlikely, they are still married and there is no sign he is getting a divorce any time soon. If he's prepared to cheat on his wife, I doubt very much that you're the first. He is prepared to deceive his wife but you think that he is telling you, the woman he is having a cheap affair with, the truth. And he doesn't want to wear a condom because it's not important to prioritise your health. Who knows where the penis of this sleazy man has been? I wouldn't handle it with tongs myself.

Check with his wife 🙄

I can't get past the second word of your thread title.

Your 'new partner' who you 'have met a few times' is just a random bloke you've spent a few hours with. Giant red flag on your appraisal of the situation.

No idea if he's still married or if that's dodgy wording. However, you cannot trust anything he says about when he last had sex, with whom, or how often, because, as we already established, he's just a random stranger who you've only just met.

Of course he this random bloke you've only just met has to wear a condom, to protect you both from sexually transmitted diseases as well as pregnancy! That he doesn't want to and you are considering it is a whole string of red flags from both of you.