My husband supporting ex girlfriend

[Pinkfloyd69]

Sooo not sure where to start in all honesty,
I have been with my husband for 11yrs married for 6yrs,
After a year of being together he told me that he was currently paying the full morgage himself still after a few yrs of separating from his ex girlfriend,
Where his 3 children lived at the time
I felt uncomfortable with the situation but understood it was for his children until they became adults!
They are now 28, 26, 21, & all still live at home with there mum,
So before we were married we had a conversation that was around his home with his ex girlfriend & he said once that when the youngest is at the age of 18 I think he said
Then he would start to consider what to do with the property,
So basically that was neally 4yrs ago,

So one day after constantly thinking sooo what is happening....
But at the same time feeling anxious because is it really any of my buisness
But I am his wife...
And the thought process was slowly getting to me,

So me having a thought process
Now knowing the (morgage is clear & paid in full) by my husband alone,
I decided to look for the deeds to the house that at this point had disappeared 😕
Ok so this is were it now starts to get extremely hard for me...

So on approaching the situation or at least trying too,
I said what's happening to the house
Which he replied nothing...
Apart from leaving it into a trust fund for his 3 adult children

And that because of fees he decided against,
Apparently after a meeting with the ex girlfriend that I knew nothing about! I was like wow ok you have spoken about the house ok,

So I found this out end of April
Ok so now the struggle is real,
She has 6 paying adults living in there home
Including her boyfriend who has lived there for about 3yrs & the boyfriends son,

I honestly cannot get my head round it for the kids now
I just cant
This situation just seems so unfair on us and is putting a huge strain on us
Or more me should I say,
As he seems to be buring the whole thing
Say nothing keep the peace right
From his prospective,

It feels to me as though he is protecting the ex
And now putting her feelings before my own his wife,

If was to mention that it's only fair she re-morgages so my husband has something for his/our future
I would get she can't afford it...
Thats not his problem is it..??
Or his burden to carry...

We have been together 11yrs
And we have not had our honeymoon from being married 6yrs ago,
There is just no effort

But obviously feel as though he's bending over backwards to protect her
It's a 4 bedroom house with a value of at least £360k

I honestly just feel like there's 3 of us in this marriage now
And I feel completely low & cheated
He is aware of this but again nothing had happened since our chat in April & I dont think it will

Different scenario
But my 1st husband of 22yrs had an affair
It ended immediately
This kinda feels the same but diffrent circumstances,
If you know what I mean...

Sorry for the long read
I just need help/advice
As i feel i am hanging on by a thread literally
And feel hurt that he is doing nothing!!
The morgage was clear 2yrs ago I think

I also have a car on finance which is £360 mth,
Finance in hubby's name
I have 2 yrs left of a 4yrs agreement to which I'm reminded most months to transfer soon as im paid
Which i do but obviously the ex
Dosent get asked for anything !!
It's like a punch to the stomach
I'm his wife..n

But this whole thing just seems so so wrong...
Am i being a fool 🤔
Just totally disrespected i think!
I am now resenting him & the whole situation
As i think I'm expected to put up & shut up!
Which i have for a long time
But I feel
Angry, upset, betrayed, disrespected,
I don't know what to do
But I'm certain all all going to come to a head soon

Thankyou for reading
I'd appreciate feedback/honesty
Xxx

Completely untrue.... he pays the rent and council tax that's a large amount....

She wants the money from the house spend it and nothing for his kids....

I know who the bad guy is here and it isn't him. He paid that mortgage and her rent!!!! She's paid nothing towards it wants his kids homeless so she can spend th3 inheritance don't be fooled!

The deeds are missing he may well have signed it over. I'm desperately hoping he has she doesn't deserve 1 penny!

Any decent wife would have asked for abit of rent at most and leave the house to the kids but no! She wants to turf them all out. Gold digger! Now she's after the divorce to get it that way. If I was him I'd be down the solicitors signing that house over to my 3 kids!

They arnt living from him house is paid for! She's the one living off him....

Notice the OP has gone extremely quiet now that she's been called out? It's a clear as day the second she said he was funding her house, what was going on here.

Quite frankly she doesn't deserve him. She's clearly trying to spend any assets he has for his kids.

To the lady that replied to my post- he has not hidden it from her- how has he hidden it, she’s fully aware of the situation. She married him, but it sounds like she hoped for a better life than the one he is providing. She considered him a man of means and hoped to get an in on his property. There are good fathers and bad fathers, like there are good mothers and bad mothers and it really is nice to hear about a man who understands fully the weight of responsibility towards his lifelong commitment to his children, and helps his ex carry burdens so she isn’t in effect doing it all, like so many mothers are when they seperate from their ex. He can be proud of the fact he did not leave her in the lurch and throw a few quid her way, the minimum required by the government that barely makes a dent in the overall cost of raising children. We don’t know the details of how their relationship ended, but he sure has been an upstanding father, a good example to his children in this regard, and I’m sure that there is peace in their coparenting, and the stability of their children as a result. All some people see is money and their rights, at the expense of the wellbeing of so many others in the situation. She really should’ve gone for someone with no past, no kids, or just some jerk that pays the bare minimum, of which there are many men she could have chosen. She is financially better off already being married to him, but when you love someone, it’s teamwork anyway, you should never ever marry someone for their assets, although any marriage will go stale if one person isn’t pulling their weight. As far as I can see he’s more than pulling his weight and his wife is better off for it, and he has harmony with his ex and his kids also. The only disharmony is the OPs desire to be financially better off at the expense of all he’s done to be an upstanding guy and an example to his kids of a good man Who didn’t leave them or their mum in the lurch and never will. This doesn’t signify any romantic attachment to his ex, just care, obligation and depth of character. Sounds like he’s the one that could do better!

OP if you want to save your marriage you should face the fact that your behaviour is a massive turn off, and that he needs a partner who sees the good in him and respects him, or it’s just going to drive a massive wedge between you. Be someone that isn’t trying to grab all he has for yourself. He deserves your respect and should be loved fully for who he is, and you should drop this topic and just let her have the house. You have the man, and many of us here agree that based on what you’ve shared, he’s at least in that, a great guy.

My ex pays the minimum, we have a great coparenting relationship, he’s a nice enough guy, he adores our daughter, and I appreciate the love he shows her. He earns a fair bit, but he would never think to provide the way this man has. I wouldn’t ever ask it either. I work all the hours God sends, I love my work, and that’s our situation, and it’s all good. I just can’t help being touched by the sweetness of the OPs husband, who has really gone that extra mile, and it should be respected.

I would certainly massively respect it if I met a man who treated his ex and children this way. I’d think he was a great guy. Wake up OP

You can easily get a copy of any deeds for any property…you just go online to land registry and £3 they are yours!! Easy!

The point is he's given the deeds to the ex and for all we know signed over the whole house.... he's clearly worried this one is after his kids inheritance hence him meeting without her knowing and making plans.... a clever and decent man, hope he finds someone who actually deserves him some time soon.

Having a copy of the deeds as I posted would answer the question.

If you are married surely you have a stake in all your husbands assets including the house where his Ex lives?
Seek legal advice OP . Your husband is behaving appalling