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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I respond to the ex who destroyed me

149 replies

ResetandRestart · 02/07/2024 13:59

Back story in brief.
My ex who I planned my future with, continued to break trust within our relationship with his female friend (alot of messaging and 1am facetime calls only when he wasnt with me arranging to meet up with her but never telling me he had plans not answering her calls if i was there etc) we broke up because of this i just didnt trust him and he never understood the issue.. 5 months later we rekindled after he blocked and unblocked me multiple times during those 5 months (I wanted to get us help to fix our issues he said my mental health was too low and it was not fixable then he would listen to me cry but ultimately block me again) we rekindled for 2 weeks, taking it slow but chatting daily and meeting twice. His ex girlfriend before me rang me unexpectedly one evening after we rekindled and told me that him and her had been sleeping together for the duration of our breakup and he was back in touch with her from day 1 of us splitting up, he promised her the world, turns out it was true and when questioned he said "I said whatever I had to say to get what I wanted" which was sex.....and he promised her all the things she wanted in the future (kids house etc) anyway....

Fast forward to now
We chatted a few days ago. He told me he thinks of me all the time, the love he has for me will never leave, we caught up on what's been going on blah blah blah and he suggested we spend some time together enjoy each others company and have fun (sex) with no expectations...the absolute ego on this man is ridiculous....the sex was terrible, his chat was terrible and there is absolutely no win here for me but he wants me to spend time with him, have sex with him and have no expectations....clearly its what he wants however I'm not into that.. when I met him he knew I was seeking my future partner.....

What do I reply? I need a quick witty full of self confidence and self worth reply...before I block him obviously

OP posts:
XChrome · 03/07/2024 07:43

ResetandRestart · 03/07/2024 07:28

I did it.
I blocked him.

Took myself to bed last night and had a stern word with myself - no unblocking pacts were made - I don't need to see his profile picture to figure out what he's up too.....who cares what he's doing he's a horrible vile person

I've done it. He's blocked.

Felt good to be fair I did a little laugh

Well done! You are strong and you will be okay. 💪

Tigertigertigertiger · 03/07/2024 08:20

Well done !

I read his second text as he was going off the idea of FWB

FakeMiddleton · 03/07/2024 09:23

Well done, OP!

Please also delete his number. You have no need for it now, so bin it off and move completely on.

ResetandRestart · 03/07/2024 16:04

Thanks guys
Feel alot better now I have my power back....funny how such a little things can mean so much xx

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright3 · 03/07/2024 23:17

ResetandRestart · 03/07/2024 07:28

I did it.
I blocked him.

Took myself to bed last night and had a stern word with myself - no unblocking pacts were made - I don't need to see his profile picture to figure out what he's up too.....who cares what he's doing he's a horrible vile person

I've done it. He's blocked.

Felt good to be fair I did a little laugh

Great Update Op ..

Now you are truly free .Time for your next chapter

ThreeEggOmlette · 04/07/2024 16:43

Whoo hooo!
I love that he did text you again 😂 So he WAS waiting & checking for your reply & eventually couldn't stand the silence.

Excellent work.
Delete. Delete. Delete.

ResetandRestart · 05/07/2024 16:52

He's a through and through liar and a horrible person with no morals clearly!

Self care incoming

OP posts:
adultkidsquestion · 05/07/2024 17:11

"Sorry, I'm washing my hair for the next 50 years"

solerolo · 06/07/2024 00:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

XChrome · 06/07/2024 04:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Are you joking?

BeverlyMakka · 06/07/2024 08:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Seriously??? Any need at all for that? Just pass on by if you have nothing useful to say.

Projecting much.

ResetandRestart · 06/07/2024 11:08

I didn't see the comment removed but thank you to all who had my back

Yesterday my friend saw him on bumble haha he's looking for a long term relationship and fun and casual dating - don't we know it!! He also thinks he's 5ft 10...this guy can't stop lying...he's 5ft 7 if he really really stretched up hahaa

OP posts:
ResetandRestart · 06/07/2024 17:44

He's emailed me

Can you believe it.
Wondering why I ghosted him and thinks we should go no contact because its a head fuck...

We are no contact. I didn't reply then I blocked...he's trying to get a response isn't he...

OP posts:
EarthSight · 06/07/2024 17:48

ResetandRestart · 02/07/2024 13:59

Back story in brief.
My ex who I planned my future with, continued to break trust within our relationship with his female friend (alot of messaging and 1am facetime calls only when he wasnt with me arranging to meet up with her but never telling me he had plans not answering her calls if i was there etc) we broke up because of this i just didnt trust him and he never understood the issue.. 5 months later we rekindled after he blocked and unblocked me multiple times during those 5 months (I wanted to get us help to fix our issues he said my mental health was too low and it was not fixable then he would listen to me cry but ultimately block me again) we rekindled for 2 weeks, taking it slow but chatting daily and meeting twice. His ex girlfriend before me rang me unexpectedly one evening after we rekindled and told me that him and her had been sleeping together for the duration of our breakup and he was back in touch with her from day 1 of us splitting up, he promised her the world, turns out it was true and when questioned he said "I said whatever I had to say to get what I wanted" which was sex.....and he promised her all the things she wanted in the future (kids house etc) anyway....

Fast forward to now
We chatted a few days ago. He told me he thinks of me all the time, the love he has for me will never leave, we caught up on what's been going on blah blah blah and he suggested we spend some time together enjoy each others company and have fun (sex) with no expectations...the absolute ego on this man is ridiculous....the sex was terrible, his chat was terrible and there is absolutely no win here for me but he wants me to spend time with him, have sex with him and have no expectations....clearly its what he wants however I'm not into that.. when I met him he knew I was seeking my future partner.....

What do I reply? I need a quick witty full of self confidence and self worth reply...before I block him obviously

Either don't reply & block, or respond with laughing emoji and then block.

NooNakedJacuzziness · 06/07/2024 17:58

Keep ignoring OP, it's annoying him more than anything you could say

ResetandRestart · 06/07/2024 21:49

I've remained strong and not emailed back or anything. Que evil laugh. Old me would of been highly reactive to this and wouldn't of blocked him or anything and would of responded to the email instantly. I like the new me

Thank you guys for your support

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 08/07/2024 10:09

ResetandRestart, I know this thread has been a hard read for you as you've really wanted to give him a piece of your mind but, if you ever needed validation that you were doing the right thing, the fact that he's e-mailed you now, 'threatening' you with the no-contact that you've been managing already, you have it.

He doesn't want to let you have the last final word, he wants to put you down. You've got there first and as long as you never, ever reply to him, not with anything at all - you are the winner of this.

You also know now how strong you can be and how to not let horrible men play 'push me/pull you' to mess with your head. You really are the definition of awesome... Star

icelolly12 · 08/07/2024 10:37

It still reads like you're getting a high off him tbh.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 08/07/2024 11:05

For goodness sake, if you've read the thread at all icelolly you'll have seen that the OP very much wanted to respond and has basically sat on her hands before agreeing that blocking and deleting was best - and she's done that.

She's justifiably proud of herself for not succumbing to responding to this twat. Your 'tbh' isn't honest, it's just unfounded opinion. You're entitled to it but your post reads like a swipe at someone who doesn't deserve it.

Liv999 · 08/07/2024 11:09

thestudio · 02/07/2024 14:04

Hey! Good to hear from you. I'll pass though - If i wanted strings-free sex I would find someone who was good at it.

Ooh I love this!

ResetandRestart · 11/07/2024 08:22

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe thank you for coming to my defence op...you always get one person who just wants to attack people looking for advice..

You are so right regarding him threatening the no contact even though I'd already gone no contact hahaa power trip or what....what a horrible man he turned out to be!

Just wanted to confirm I've not messaged unblocked replied or even though about him properly since this post and talking to my amazing friend ❤️ thank you for giving me the support I needed everyone to remain strong I'm proud of how far I have come....this time last year I was a shell of myself being gas lighted by this man using my own mental health against me.... look at me now hehe

OP posts:
Bittenonce · 11/07/2024 08:30

ResetandRestart · 11/07/2024 08:22

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe thank you for coming to my defence op...you always get one person who just wants to attack people looking for advice..

You are so right regarding him threatening the no contact even though I'd already gone no contact hahaa power trip or what....what a horrible man he turned out to be!

Just wanted to confirm I've not messaged unblocked replied or even though about him properly since this post and talking to my amazing friend ❤️ thank you for giving me the support I needed everyone to remain strong I'm proud of how far I have come....this time last year I was a shell of myself being gas lighted by this man using my own mental health against me.... look at me now hehe

😀👏
Good to hear! Happy for you, well done.
You’ve done the hardest bit, hope you now know better what you are capable of!

Catoo · 11/07/2024 09:27

ResetandRestart · 06/07/2024 17:44

He's emailed me

Can you believe it.
Wondering why I ghosted him and thinks we should go no contact because its a head fuck...

We are no contact. I didn't reply then I blocked...he's trying to get a response isn't he...

Ha ha ha what a turd.

One thing is clearly true though - ignoring him has messed with his head. Bruised his ego. They really hate it. Don’t be surprised if he tries other ways to contact you while he is going no contact!!

Well done for not rising to the bait.

Onwards and most definitely upwards!

🌸

Thunderpants88 · 05/11/2024 23:43

“Nah mate I’ll pass cheers”

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