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Original poster

How do I respond to the ex who destroyed me

149 replies

ResetandRestart · 02/07/2024 13:59

Back story in brief.
My ex who I planned my future with, continued to break trust within our relationship with his female friend (alot of messaging and 1am facetime calls only when he wasnt with me arranging to meet up with her but never telling me he had plans not answering her calls if i was there etc) we broke up because of this i just didnt trust him and he never understood the issue.. 5 months later we rekindled after he blocked and unblocked me multiple times during those 5 months (I wanted to get us help to fix our issues he said my mental health was too low and it was not fixable then he would listen to me cry but ultimately block me again) we rekindled for 2 weeks, taking it slow but chatting daily and meeting twice. His ex girlfriend before me rang me unexpectedly one evening after we rekindled and told me that him and her had been sleeping together for the duration of our breakup and he was back in touch with her from day 1 of us splitting up, he promised her the world, turns out it was true and when questioned he said "I said whatever I had to say to get what I wanted" which was sex.....and he promised her all the things she wanted in the future (kids house etc) anyway....

Fast forward to now
We chatted a few days ago. He told me he thinks of me all the time, the love he has for me will never leave, we caught up on what's been going on blah blah blah and he suggested we spend some time together enjoy each others company and have fun (sex) with no expectations...the absolute ego on this man is ridiculous....the sex was terrible, his chat was terrible and there is absolutely no win here for me but he wants me to spend time with him, have sex with him and have no expectations....clearly its what he wants however I'm not into that.. when I met him he knew I was seeking my future partner.....

What do I reply? I need a quick witty full of self confidence and self worth reply...before I block him obviously

OP posts:
Thoughtful2355 · 02/07/2024 16:06

I had this. I was heartbroken, I really loved him.

He came back after a year and I was giddy again, had only just fixed my broken heart. Told me all the nice things, took me on dates and treated me like a queen for 3 weeks ... Then he left and ghosted me again. I was so heartbroken again I wanted to end my life.

I met my now husband not long after who helped me realise my worth but man was I on the floor broken.

WeeOrcadian · 02/07/2024 16:38

"who's this?"

Then block

You deserve better

He's shown you who he is

YouOKHun · 02/07/2024 16:47

I agree with others. The fewer words you respond with the more powerful your message to him. The ideal number of words is zero. Every additional word however crushing, glib, sarcastic, vicious or funny will just seem to him that he was right to give contacting you a try now it suits him because you’ve bothered to respond. He doesn’t deserve that satisfaction.

Original poster
ResetandRestart · 02/07/2024 16:49

@roses321 I'm so sorry you went through this and had a house and were engaged I'm so sorry. Noone deserves to treated like crap.

Your post really did make sense as others have too.. I'll put my dd to bed and re read everything

OP posts:
Original poster
ResetandRestart · 02/07/2024 16:50

@Thoughtful2355 oh love I'm so sorry. 3 weeks and ghosted...After all that.... what is wrong with men who do this?!

I'm so glad you got your happy ending I really really am

OP posts:
Catoo · 02/07/2024 16:53

The most ‘kick ass’ of all replies is no reply.

Nothing you can say will hurt this man. He doesn’t care. He will be sending similar messages to all the women he knows so that he gets sex.

Time to take the power back. Go no contact. Block and move on.

💐

notacooldad · 02/07/2024 16:54

Silence is powerful everyone your all right however I have this massive desire to send such a kick ass reply back..... maybe I shouldn't though maybe I should be silent because I've never done that before..*
Nothing you message will be more powerful than silence.
Don't play stupid games with 'kick ass' replies. Just block and forget.

Original poster
ResetandRestart · 02/07/2024 16:57

Update

I have done nothing as of yet as its that time of day where dcs come home and madness happens.

However and this will make you all giggle...he's sent a follow up message
" maybe If your overthinking this then it isn't a good idea"

He's either thinking by me not replying to his previous message I'm thinking it over or he's following up and double messaging maybe because my silence is driving him mad....whatcha think?

Your all making massive point here and once dcs are asleep ill read through again and then make a plan

OP posts:
SamW98 · 02/07/2024 17:04

ResetandRestart · 02/07/2024 16:57

Update

I have done nothing as of yet as its that time of day where dcs come home and madness happens.

However and this will make you all giggle...he's sent a follow up message
" maybe If your overthinking this then it isn't a good idea"

He's either thinking by me not replying to his previous message I'm thinking it over or he's following up and double messaging maybe because my silence is driving him mad....whatcha think?

Your all making massive point here and once dcs are asleep ill read through again and then make a plan

What does it matter what he thinks? You’re giving him too much headspace and it does read like you’ve still got feelings for him.

Just block him - why waste another second thinking about the twat? You’re still letting him get in your head

roses321 · 02/07/2024 17:11

SamW98 · 02/07/2024 17:04

What does it matter what he thinks? You’re giving him too much headspace and it does read like you’ve still got feelings for him.

Just block him - why waste another second thinking about the twat? You’re still letting him get in your head

Edited
Show quote history

Yeah i agree with this entirely.

He's sending you that to dangle a carrot. What he wants is for you to be like "no no no i'm not overthinking it please come over, my legs are akimbo".

If you MUST respond, then i'd just keep it short and thumbs up his message. Then leave it and block him. He's thriving on all this back and forth drama, he's toxic as hell and as MUCH as i know you think you can win this slot machine, you can't. You never will. It'll be exciting, then it'll make you want to shoot yourself in the head. That' the nature of these things.

MimitteAndElsaGoToSwitzerland · 02/07/2024 17:14

ResetandRestart · 02/07/2024 16:57

Update

I have done nothing as of yet as its that time of day where dcs come home and madness happens.

However and this will make you all giggle...he's sent a follow up message
" maybe If your overthinking this then it isn't a good idea"

He's either thinking by me not replying to his previous message I'm thinking it over or he's following up and double messaging maybe because my silence is driving him mad....whatcha think?

Your all making massive point here and once dcs are asleep ill read through again and then make a plan

That's him trying to goad you into a response.

Please remember these people thrive off attention - good or bad, they don't care. All they want is the drama.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 02/07/2024 17:18

ResetandRestart · 02/07/2024 16:57

Update

I have done nothing as of yet as its that time of day where dcs come home and madness happens.

However and this will make you all giggle...he's sent a follow up message
" maybe If your overthinking this then it isn't a good idea"

He's either thinking by me not replying to his previous message I'm thinking it over or he's following up and double messaging maybe because my silence is driving him mad....whatcha think?

Your all making massive point here and once dcs are asleep ill read through again and then make a plan

JUST STOP IT.

YOU DON'T NEED A PLAN.

BLOCK HIM NOW.

AgnesX · 02/07/2024 17:24

ResetandRestart · 02/07/2024 16:57

Update

I have done nothing as of yet as its that time of day where dcs come home and madness happens.

However and this will make you all giggle...he's sent a follow up message
" maybe If your overthinking this then it isn't a good idea"

He's either thinking by me not replying to his previous message I'm thinking it over or he's following up and double messaging maybe because my silence is driving him mad....whatcha think?

Your all making massive point here and once dcs are asleep ill read through again and then make a plan

Why?

Just continue to say nothing. By saying anything whatsoever you're playing his game....and then you're right back where he wants you.

Runnerinthenight · 02/07/2024 17:27

You're far too invested in this. I don't know why you took him back before if the sex was crap and he was a rubbish communicator with a huge ego - what a catch! A man who lies in order to get sex?

He's beneath contempt. Ignore him. Never contact him again.

Bemusedandconfusedagain · 02/07/2024 17:32

Not replying will mess with him more than any reply. Just leave him to sweat and don't engage.

Bittenonce · 02/07/2024 17:37

once dcs are asleep ill read through again and then make a plan

Please don't. As so many others have said - just ignore, block and delete, move on. Really think this is best for you - sod what he thinks, it's only about you now.

LifeExperience · 02/07/2024 17:44

You don't need a plan. You just need to block him. He's a horrible human being.

napody · 02/07/2024 17:45

Well, I found his follow up message funny OP. Trying to row back to having the control. I'd enjoy knowing my silence had got to him. Wouldn't mean I still had feelings, it'd just be satisfying. But not as satisfying as then blocking and deleting. Go on!

Maddy70 · 02/07/2024 17:46

No response is a response

Block

Ahlovetoloveyoubaby · 02/07/2024 17:49

He is fuckwit of the highest order.

I was going to suggest- if I wanted a FWB, I’d choose one who was good at sex- which really isn’t your strong point to be honest. And then block
But the second text suggests he is bothered by your silence so job done. Don’t send a thing and remove him from your mind and your phone.

Good luck finding a better man - it shouldn’t be too difficult by the sounds of things.

BananaLambo · 02/07/2024 17:57

There is no stronger message you can send than not even bothering to read his texts. Block and move on. Remember, the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. He’s seeking attention and it doesn’t matter whether it’s negative or positive. Dont give it to him.

solice84 · 02/07/2024 17:59

Op you have posted about this a lot

For your own sake you really need to remove this man from your life permanently and seek some therapy
Im honestly not being goady , I can sense how cut up about this you are. I've been there and I just want you to find some happiness and leave this be

CollyBobble · 02/07/2024 18:00

No message. Just leave him hanging or block him.

He's an utter douche bag.

Pinksparkles84 · 02/07/2024 18:11

Read up about covert narcissists. He is a classic example of this. He enjoys the power he gets when he gets you back and then discards you. The MH thing is rich of him. He’s affecting your mental health by acting this way & then deflecting it onto you. I have been through it myself and my only advice is to not give him any power over you and don’t look back. It took me several times of going back to my ex, thinking he’d changed and then being back at square one. If I had my time again I would have left him years ago and gone no contact. You deserve better than someone like him. Look into joining a class to build your self esteem up.

OhcantthInkofaname · 02/07/2024 18:18

He told you - he told her what she wanted to know to get sex. What do you think he's telling you?