What is some advice for an almost 32-year-old virgin?

[lucky992]

I’m 31 and turning 32 on October 9, considered attractive by many, yet I'm a virgin who has never been in a relationship. I lead a normal life, am sociable, and run a small business, but my lack of intimate experience weighs heavily on me. I'm interested in a 28-year-old woman, but I fear she might reject me due to my inexperience. The feeling of shame is overwhelming, and as time passes, I worry it's too late for me. This situation stems from a past rejection that led me to avoid pursuing relationships, causing my insecurities to mount. Recently, I met a woman who works in a local shop, and I'm very drawn to her—it's been years since I've felt this way about anyone; I even dreamt about her. Please excuse any errors in my English. I understand that many women might be reluctant to date older male virgins, according to what I've read online. I'm open to any advice.

"This situation stems from a past rejection that led me to avoid pursuing relationships"

Here's a tip- don't do a sadface and blame it all on some previous woman who refused to shag you. This one may want to shag you, she may not- she is the master of her own life, you are the master of yours. If she doesn't want to, just get over it and move on.

Agreed. Why do you need to tell them? Just take things slowly, ask for permission, get consent and be confident.

Have you had any interactions with this woman other than her serving you in the shop? 🤔

Most women will not be bothered by this at all, may even find it endearing and special to share the first time with you. Try not to put too much pressure on things. Be open to meeting someone, see how it goes, and just enjoy it.

it sounds like you’re thinking about running before walking here!

Has anything got off the ground with the woman you like?
Strike up a conversation, find out if she’s single and if you have any common interests : maybe ask if she’d like to meet (casually) for a coffee/ dog walk or something low key.

If she declines, it’s nothing to do with your sexual experience.
A conversation about that comes much further down the line.

You sound a little carried away with the fantasy of a woman you barely know. Try not to obsess and build this up in your head.

32 is still young and I don’t think it’s that unusual or odd that you’re inexperienced. Many women might be too.
Get out socialising and meet as many people as possible.

My fiance was a virgin when we met; I am a bit older than him. He was open and unapologetic about it from the start, and I respected that massively. Because he had the sense to communicate, it never became an issue.
Communication is the way, and if you can't communicate with the person, maybe they're not right for you?

If it "comes up" just say I'm a bit rusty since it's been a while

any need for the aggressive response? Guy is simply asking for advice.

It doesn't matter, it's not going to be a reason for rejection unless you behave weirdly about it. There's no need for feelings of shame about it, that's really quite an old fashioned attitude. Would you think badly of this woman you like if you found out she had never had a sexual relationship either??

Anyway, you're definitely getting way ahead of yourself. Does this woman even know you exist?

Is it a guy? The OP doesn’t actually say…

Well said.

Life is full of disappointments and rejections. I agree, don’t blame your inexperience on women.

It sounds like you lack confidence so it might help to try things that build your self confidence and self image- not sexually but in a broader sense.
That might be through taking pride in your own life achievements, taking up a sport or just getting a great haircut and looking after your appearance.

Dont get hung up on your lack of experience. Or assume women want sex on a first date- most don’t or would be absolutely fine with taking things slowly.

I understand that many women might be reluctant to date older male virgins

Ah. During my many years on Mumsnet, I have observed that it does help if one actually reads the bloody posts. Thank you 😁

Either way I just don’t see a need for an aggressive reply to someone just asking for some advice

This. I was considerably older than you and this is what I said.

God knows what you’ve been reading online that gives you the impression that no women would be interested in an inexperienced man.

Stay well away from all the INCEL bullshit.

Women aren’t an alien species. Treat them respectfully as people, aim to get to know them, make friends and that might develop into something or it might not.

Aww bless you

Oh look, another poster who started a thread and hasnt been back.

Do you have many female friends? That may be a good start, rather than trying to get an idea of what women do/don't want based on stuff you've read online. I would worry you're getting a little carried away already worrying about a sexual relationship with this woman when it doesn't sound like you've had much real interaction?

Unethical.

And he'd have to lie to most women about having done it ... because loads of women are totally put off by prostitute users, even if it was truly only once.

There's no need, many women wouldn't care or as a poster above said, if he doesn't want to tell them .. he can just say it's been a long time.

tbh ask this lady out on a date and if she says yes just go on a few dates first. if you two hit it off, just take it slowly. there is no rush. once you get to the stage of being intimate- just be honest

I don't think it's true women would be put off. by inexperience. some women might, but if that is the case with this lady, she is not the right one for you. you need to find a partner who accepts you for who you are, vulnerabilities and all and I am sure you will find someone one, even if it's not this lady specifically

ps be prepared for her to say no when you ask her out, for any kind of reasons. but don't let it dishearten you

Right, why should OP have to deal with any awkward feelings on his own when he can just buy a woman 🙄

I'd be more than fine dating someone who was a virgin and open about it, I would never want to date someone who thinks consent can be purchased

Earlier you start the earlier you finish. My first experience i was 15, I'm now 50 and ehem...its bin a while 😁

Right, you, take 1 day at a time, say hello, as others have said your running before you can walk, go for a coffee, try not to rush things!