What is some advice for an almost 32-year-old virgin?

[lucky992]

I’m 31 and turning 32 on October 9, considered attractive by many, yet I'm a virgin who has never been in a relationship. I lead a normal life, am sociable, and run a small business, but my lack of intimate experience weighs heavily on me. I'm interested in a 28-year-old woman, but I fear she might reject me due to my inexperience. The feeling of shame is overwhelming, and as time passes, I worry it's too late for me. This situation stems from a past rejection that led me to avoid pursuing relationships, causing my insecurities to mount. Recently, I met a woman who works in a local shop, and I'm very drawn to her—it's been years since I've felt this way about anyone; I even dreamt about her. Please excuse any errors in my English. I understand that many women might be reluctant to date older male virgins, according to what I've read online. I'm open to any advice.

I genuinely don't care. If you have good qualities as a partner your status as a virgin is literally irrelevant to me. I don't even really "believe" in virginity as a concept. There's no great difference between virgins and non virgins, no metamorphosis that happens after the first time you have sex. The difference between a virgin and a non-virgin is a single sexual encounter. I believe many women couldn't care less. My advice to you would be to stop worrying about this and focus on being a good man - dependable, honest, good natured, team player, sense of humour, clean and well groomed etc. And yes, confidence is attractive. That's what women want.

Hi everyone, thanks for the replies, I found out in August that this girl is engaged, I hope to meet some other girl, unfortunately having neglected my romantic life is making me suffer, I feel like it's too late

You're only 32 For Fucks Sake.

When you 42, 52 etc etc you'll look back and realise how young that was.

Get out and try to meet people.

Maybe go to Japan ..... They literally hunt foreign men down there. So many women want a foreign bf (and it's not just about money, they're comfortably off).

From your posts OP, I get the impression that this isn't solely about virginity. I suspect that, despite being confident in your appearance, you aren't at all confident in speaking to females per say.

To address the virgin status: You are not likely to approach a female and say "Hi, nice to see you again, I'm a virgin..." You are getting ahead of yourself. Rest assured that many men - who are not virgins - aren't great in bed because they do not ask what their partner wants them to do. A good lover is one who asks "Can I..." or "Do you want me to..." It isn't the movies.

As far as conversation goes, it really does need to be light and end with a question if you wish to keep the conversation going. If she has posted about Berlin you could say something like: "Berlin looks really cool - any recommendations there?" NOT "Hello! As my friends and I are considering a trip..." It is far, far too formal. You are aiming for light and chatty - you hardly know her. This is about GETTING to know her.

All the best.

You really are not that old. But if you look for a reason, there will always be a reason (I'm a virgin, I'm too old etc etc). It seems more like a self esteem issue/fear of connecting with people. I actually would advice against the other posters advice to "go to Japan" (unless Japan is somewhere you really want to visit anyway). If you have low self esteem or don't feel connected properly to the world going to a country with very different cultures, where you don't speak the language, in the hope of finding connection you don't think you can find in your own country, could easily make you feel more isolated. Although travel for its own sake is fun. But mostly, work on getting out there, speaking to people, showing an interest in people/women that isn't immediately about being boyfriend and girlfriend. I think you will find that easy than setting up each interaction with the significance of "this could be a life partner, how do I tell them about my lack of experience..." but do then be open to casually moving things further if you like someone and they seem interested in you.
Its a pity the girl you liked isn't single. But there are others :)

32 is a good age still, there are plenty of people your age who've had little experience. Plenty of people in their 40s and 50s even who have only ever slept with one person and also feel inexperienced if they are dating again. Plenty of men who've slept with a good handful of women but have not communicated with them or paid any attention to what they enjoyed in bed, so don't know anything more than you do. If you're embarrassed about admitting that you're a virgin, then don't mention it. You know what goes where! A vague "I haven't had much experience" is fine, or even "I don't kiss and tell"! At your age no-one is expecting you to have had a serious relationship.

Go somewhere that people can talk to each other and talk to someone who could be single: "Are you from round here? etc." Let them talk. If the person you talk to is friendly, say you're going to an event the next weekend and ask if they want to come too. (Look up what events are on beforehand - just live music at the pub, for instance, nothing fancy.) If they do go with you, ask afterwards if they want to go to another event you found. Don't think of them as your future girlfriend/wife, just as someone to chat to or go out with.

'causing my insecurities to mount'

Hmmmm

OP is German

thank you all you are giving me hope, I don't go to that shop anymore where that girl I liked works and I also try not to meet her to forget about her as soon as possible since she already has a boyfriend.

Why is it something to be ashamed of? I’d much rather be with a virgin than a guy who’s shagged a ton of women. At your age you’ll no doubt have more emotional life experience, so wait for someone where it really means something, and don’t lie about it like some have suggested, that’s inauthentic. Just be with someone that will deeply value you and considers it a special thing to share that with you

This . You don't need to tell her. Assuming you know roughly what to do she'll probably not know. Good luck. With this woman or someone else it's time to let yourself be happy and move on from previous feelings of rejection.

Harsh- would you speak like that to a female who was rejected by a male partner in the past?!!

"Harsh- would you speak like that to a female who was rejected by a male partner in the past?!!"

Yes, especially if she was still using him as an excuse years later.
(Btw, was the OP rejected by somebody who was already his partner or by a limerent object who had no real relationship with him? Bit of a difference).

OP, avoid women like this

I would and I have (its great advice for anyone mooning after past partners ) though I would probably adjust how I said it depending on how emotionally fragile the person I was talking to was. But I would absolutely say it to a friends face if they were letting past rejections affect their chances of ever meeting someone.

@lucky992 What are you doing to actively be out and about meeting people/women? Can you go on decent dating apps? I know plenty of people have awful experiences on them but generally for men you aren't likely to be getting the horrid experiences women get, you'll be well regarded aslong as you're decent, not mentioning sex at the first few contacts and not too intense!

What can you do to boost your self-esteem and confidence/outlook on life?

You won't be a virgin forever but if you build this up so much that it becomes debilitating then it'll get harder as time passes!

Don’t start any relationship out on a lie OP. I know a lot of people do that, but hopefully you are higher value than that

I agree with you on this but you don't need to disclose all the details of your sexual history especially early on.

I wouldn’t want to date someone if I didn’t know them properly, included their attitude to sex, which becomes apparent when you know a bit more about who they have slept with, whether it was casual or serious etc. different things are important to different people. Op should not withold something so huge and should wait to be fully in love with someone as that person would cherish the fact it’s his first time

My DH was and was much older than you. Don’t bother mentioning it (it’s irrelevant ) or just say it’s been a while.

DO NOT BUY SEX. It’s abhorrent.

And what a horrific first time. Would be so sad. There are plenty of women out there who would value being your first, and hopefully last. People who take sex seriously

What do you mean? I don’t understand…

Sorry. Was responding to the “do not buy sex it’s abhorrent” part

Do you think it would be possible to forget the romance angle and instead just be friends with her? You now know she's not interested in you. That allows you to focus on being friends, get used to talking to women, used to keeping things light and breezy.

Not to be mean, but I think you really need the practice. As a woman I would run a mile if you messaged me any of your suggested texts, even if I had previously liked you. Just too intense and creepy, it would scare me.

Go on meetup.com and join a bunch of groups - hiking, coffee, chess, languages, whatever floats your boat. When there talk to everyone, get used to interacting with people.