What is some advice for an almost 32-year-old virgin?

[lucky992]

I’m 31 and turning 32 on October 9, considered attractive by many, yet I'm a virgin who has never been in a relationship. I lead a normal life, am sociable, and run a small business, but my lack of intimate experience weighs heavily on me. I'm interested in a 28-year-old woman, but I fear she might reject me due to my inexperience. The feeling of shame is overwhelming, and as time passes, I worry it's too late for me. This situation stems from a past rejection that led me to avoid pursuing relationships, causing my insecurities to mount. Recently, I met a woman who works in a local shop, and I'm very drawn to her—it's been years since I've felt this way about anyone; I even dreamt about her. Please excuse any errors in my English. I understand that many women might be reluctant to date older male virgins, according to what I've read online. I'm open to any advice.

Are you? You sound judgement about prostitutes to me.

Be yourself, but if you want to explore the possibility of a relationship with this woman, get to know her and show her who you are to begin with. If you both like each other, then you may want to have a conversation about sex at that point, but it's definitely not a discussion you need to have (or should have) until you're actually in a relationship with a person. I understand your insecurities, but not having been in a sexual relationship before isn't a deal breaker for anyone I'd say.

Women don't really care that much about virginity. They do care about men coming across as bitter, or incelly, or just being interested in sex/using them to pop their cherry. Not saying you are any of those things.
As others have said, you have not had much interaction with her yet so worrying about her opinion of your sexual experience is premature. If you like her, simplify things by putting that nonsense out of your head. You like her, she may or may not like you. You want to build up to asking her on a date or something.

I'm not bitter or resentful in no way toward women and I'd like to have a meaningful relationship if there is compatibility

So that's fine.
You may well be rejected by the woman, you may not. Everyone on here and every adult you meet has faced rejection at some point in their lives. But if you like her, don't come on too strong but continue to make connections as you have. And don't be afraid to ask her out/ask for her number (but don't lead with the virgin thing. That would be weird).

Because of my level of experience I intended that, A women who have had many sexual experiences surely is very demanding I think, I'm not judging her choices everybody live life as they want to

That's clearly not what you meant, saying that in connection with catching STDs.

If you really are what you say, I would not recommend deliberately seeking out a woman with little experience because you think she won't realise that you are not a great lover. A) one day she will realise you were inexperienced and that you were trying to hide it, B) it won't make you a better lover and C) knowing that you avoid strong women because you feel too weak for them will eat away at your self-confidence.

Not wanting a woman who is “very (sexually) demanding “ hints that you have a fear of sex or simply have little interest in sex?
It’s a misconception anyway that a women who is sexually experienced will be “demanding” sex. Life isn’t like a porno film.

Its possible you have a low sex drive or are a—sexual (?) if you’re not particularly keen on the idea or afraid that you’re going to meet a woman who enjoys sex.

Its good advice to be honest- just be yourself around women.
Perhaps try to widen your social circle so that you have female friends and you’ll soon realise women don’t need to be feared. No one is going to try and jump you and demand you perform in the bedroom!

You have to just take the plunge and get yourself in the dating game. If someone doesn’t like you or find you attractive that is perfectly fine.

unfortunately I understand that it all comes from my inexperience, and that my worries are unfounded I have to learn to silence my inner critic

Go and see a therapist, this is beyond the help of any online forum. Even if you get over the sex, if she then decides she doesn't want to see you anymore for whatever reason, you will deal with the rejection badly and whatever trauma or wounds you have will be retriggered so get psychological help. If you are shy to attend and speak in person some therapists and psychologists give sessions over the phone or online but make sure it's someone accredited.

You sound pretty self aware. It’s totally normal to have some anxieties- I mean everyone fears the unknown to some extent.

Try not to over think things. It’s not that unusual to be inexperienced. And in all honesty, sex isn’t that difficult 😂
It’s never perfect like in the movies but it’s fun getting to know a partner and learning what they like.

If you have a connection with someone it’s probably best to go with the flow, be realistic about your expectations.
Most women aren’t in a rush to have sex and will want to get to know you first.

If you’re respectful and authentic then you’ll be fine on a date and once you’ve built up some emotional intimacy by getting to know someone you’lll feel far more comfortable with the idea of physical intimacy.

Good luck, you sound like a nice guy 😊

You need to not focus on it so much. Much more important to get to know this person, find out if she feels the same and take things slowly.

@SmileyClare, sorry, cannot agree at all about OP being very self aware - quite the reverse and I am getting distinct incel vibes!

Yes Absolutely I don't want to seem disperate or too clingy , I follow her on istagram since one month and she follow me back I've always watched her istagram stories but she never watched mine, maybe this is a signs of not so much interest by her, who knows

as I already said I don't hate women and I hate the incel subculture, I'm happy with my physical appearance in the past I've had girls who showed interest in me but due to shyness I didn't do anything

I haven't rtft but I lost my virginity older than most. I read up on what to expect (what you see in films is NOT it!) and the mechanics of it but actually found that when the time came my body kind of took over if you know what I mean? Try not to overthink it, it's not as big a deal as people make out. Good luck!

It’s not your lack of sexual experience that is holding you back, it’s your lack of confidence. Forget about sex, think about getting to know and like a woman. Kissing is important first of all.

yesterday the girl i like has watched for the first time a story on my IG profile, and I received a like On a picture of myself but with the profile of the business where she work, I don't know if was her or the colleague they are the only people who work there :)

Oh you are back

Oh. Hello again.

Why not actually talk to her?

I was thinking of writing her this message: hello, can I ask you for some information, I saw from your photos that you were in Berlin, since we were organizing a trip with some friends of mine we were thinking of taking it into consideration as a destination, would you recommend it to me? Or write to her directly that I would like it I don't know how to know her better, tell me. or I know that she is from a small town near mine, I saw that we have mutual friends on social media, I would like to ask these friends if they know her well in person and maybe let me meet her in person, because honestly I don't feel comfortable where she works

Not sure why this post is about being a virgin when it sounds like you have barely even spoke to this woman? Sex should be so far down the line right now. Get to know her a bit, she if she wants to meet for coffee or a drink, if that goes well maybe dinner, then cinema and just see how it progresses. Sex shouldn't even factor into it for a while, you have no idea if you will be compatible or have a mutual connection yet. Only once you've built up trust and an ongoing relationship, with prospect of it progressing should you even bring up virginty.
She might not even be straight or single.

Try and forget about virginity and get on with doing things you enjoy …it’ll happen. Smile at your crush 😊 and casually ask her a bit about herself.