What is some advice for an almost 32-year-old virgin?

[lucky992]

I’m 31 and turning 32 on October 9, considered attractive by many, yet I'm a virgin who has never been in a relationship. I lead a normal life, am sociable, and run a small business, but my lack of intimate experience weighs heavily on me. I'm interested in a 28-year-old woman, but I fear she might reject me due to my inexperience. The feeling of shame is overwhelming, and as time passes, I worry it's too late for me. This situation stems from a past rejection that led me to avoid pursuing relationships, causing my insecurities to mount. Recently, I met a woman who works in a local shop, and I'm very drawn to her—it's been years since I've felt this way about anyone; I even dreamt about her. Please excuse any errors in my English. I understand that many women might be reluctant to date older male virgins, according to what I've read online. I'm open to any advice.

Yes of course. What a great idea! 🫣🫣

So patronising.

He was probably hoping to read a lot of salacious replies.

What do you want, a thread full of women describing the first time they had sex?

On.yhe miniscule chance this is genuine, obviously you need to just go on a date first.

I think @vodkaredbullgirl,was being somewhat 'tongue in cheek', rather than patronising!

OP. Most women will absolutely reject you if you have ever used a prostitute. (And rightly so)

Another keyboard bully. No need. If you’ve nothing nice or useful to say, just move along.

Many religious people wait till marriage to have sex and that doesnt seem an issue for them, so I suppose it depends on the type of person. The right person won't care! I wouldn't get too hung up on it, I think the more you dwell on it the bigger your personally issue becomes. Be yourself and focus on being a good partner and doing the things you love so you attract the right person!

No I would not think bad of her if she is inexperienced too,
yes I had some short chat with her and I have added her on instagram and she follow me back and I know that I don't need to hurry and go slow

yes I'm a guy

I'm happy of my appearance and I try to improve myself as i can

This situation stems from a past rejection that led me to avoid pursuing relationships, causing my insecurities to mount.
Have you ever had therapy? I had talking therapy after breaking up with my exh and it helped me with various unrelated issues I'd been carrying around with me since my teens. Wish I'd done it earlier.

Don't think of yourself as forever wounded by this past rejection. Humans work through things with time, and I would bet a lot of money that you can do so too if you take a proactive approach to it.

My advice to you (and to a younger me!) would be to try out a couple of drunken or otherwise unserious flings with people you know are just after a good time. Have a bit of fun, learn a bit about sex/relationships, ideally from an experienced (e.g. older) woman, then get dumped a few times, not from a great height. Don't wait for a huge crush to develop first.

I've never been to prostitutes, I Don't like going with someone who goes with everyone and potentially catch an STD

Women don't exist to provide you with sex.

No one is owed sex.

Focus on being nice to women. Be a friend. Be romantic. If sex comes from that ok but if that's your focus women will see straight through you and run.

'I don't like going with someone who goes with everyone' is waving big red flags at me. Of course most people don't want to hire a sex worker, but the implicit slut shaming there...

Again I would echo the advice to actually get to know some women if you don't already, not in a quest for sex or anything romantic, but just to realise that women are individual human beings who are entitled to their boundaries and preferences. I think solely reading about what women do/don't like online can lead to some bad places.

@lucky992 yeah, the objection to using prostituted women should because it's unethical, not because they have had a lot of sexual partners and you might catch an STD... 🙄

Anyway, don't fixate on sex or the lack of it. Women are people and individuals, think about getting to know a woman that you like, because you like her company as well as finding her attractive.

Been a while since we had one of these!

I’m quite shocked that a woman on this thread is encouraging a young inexperienced man to go to a prostitute. What sort of message does that send?

So you're not concerned that women are forced into prostitution by simple economics, or by controlling men?

Obviously I am against any form of exploitation

I Don't like going with someone who goes with everyone

No woman wants a man who thinks like this.

So posters who've probably had a lot of sex are now having a go.

In the real world, not wanting to have sex with a sex worker because you're afraid of STDs is completely normal and sensible. As is not wanting a partner who is into sex work or casual sex, that's not inherently bad.

Plenty of men have these preferences and get on fine. The men who like sexually liberal women go with those women.

I think your attitude towards women is coming across as a little off key here.

You’re blaming a woman rejecting you for your inexperience or hang ups, you have an opinion on women who’ve had multiple sexual partners, and you’ve developed a (seemingly) quite unhealthy obsession with one woman you barely know..(you’ve not felt like this before, dreaming about her and so on despite only chatting briefly).

It might help to view women as fellow human beings- everyone has their own insecurities and vulnerabilities as much as you.
Perhaps let go of your preconceived ideas. Aim for building friendships first- and don’t get carried away with fantasising about sex/ relationships with women you barely know.
Most people can smell desperation a mile away and it’s hugely off putting.

A change in attitude will prevent any future knock backs from fuelling all your insecurities further. And you will get some “rejections” as everyone does. Learning to deal with those rationally is key.

It generally takes a few failed relationships/ sexual encounters to get it “right”. There is a danger that your insecurities will destroy a relationship before it starts so take ownership of those and take things slowly.

An initial spark or connection with someone shouldn’t be blown up in your head into something more. It’s worth pursuing but manage your expectations, otherwise you’ll be back to square one - avoiding all women because you’re taking a rejection so personally and blaming them for your disappointment.

Getting knocked back once upon a time as a reason not to try again for years,says more about the frailty of your ego than anything else. Perhaps some counselling around your fears and extreme reaction to rejection could be helpful for you. Probably stems from something in your childhood.