Please keep this anonymous
I have been in an abusive relationship for the last 6 years.
I always believed that he was sorry and he would change. Every time I believed him as stupid as that is. I am looking for some advice and will give some context.
He has punched me and kicked me to the ground infront of our 4 / almost 5 year old. Has attacked me whilst holding them. He has also strangled me to the point I thought he might kill me but he let go. My little girl witnessed this from the doorway. He had grabbed the steering wheel whilst driving 70 miles and swerved it multiple times because I was taking him home and didn’t want to be around him anymore.
He also uploaded a video of us having sex without my permission to sex / dating site. I have proof and a phone recording of him admitting this and apologising.
He has ripped off the car sun shade visor in anger and thrown it in the car it hit our little girl by accident. She still remembers this now.
He also put our daughter in the bath when she was too young to get herself up because I told him she need a bath seat. He shut the door on purpose and left her in the bath for 10 seconds to see me scared to prove that she will be fine without a seat. It was a deep bath and I was worried if she fell back she couldn’t get herself back up. I cried snd grabbed the foot but he wouldn’t let me open it. I think he just wanted to see me panic.
I admit I stayed with him because I believed that he was really sorry but the abuse always continues I see now.
I started to take photos of my bruises and black eyes. I took a screen shot of my video and kept the recording of him admitting it as I had wanted to go to the police but was too scared to do it and didn’t feel strong enough.
His mum knew everything that he did , she told him it was wrong and she told me to leave him she said that if I wanted to press charges she would understand but I never could do it and she then thanked me for not going to the police on all the times that I could have.
I don’t want him to have any contact with our children and he doesn’t want to anyway. He isn’t on the birth certicaye if one cos he was in jail.
I am no worried about the safety of my children if something were to happen to me. I wouldn’t want them in his care. He had been in jail before for drug dealing. This has pushed me to build up the strength to go to the police. However I feel so much guilt. I feel guilty towards his mum as she believes he should still get to see our boys despite the fact he has attacked me infront of then numerous times.
I have had social services involved in the past because of all this the neighbours always called the police and I had to call them sometimes.
I just wondered if I am a bad person if I decide to press charges. Now we are not together and haven’t been for a long time I am worried that it isn’t in record just how bad the abuse was because I never told the police this or the social workers. I told them it was just an argument. I feel like I might be ready to tell the truth but I have so much guilt and worry his mum will be so upset with me.
I would really appreciate any advice.